My Life is a Tapestry

As I Lay Sleeping...

2011-06-05T07:39:00.000-05:00

I dreamt...

So much noise. All around me. Words. Phrases. Sentences. Paragraphs. All coming from faceless entities. I cannot distinguish one from another. Part of me wants to scream. Part of me needs to weep. And still another part desires to just stand still, motionless, silent. Closing my eyes allowing the rhetoric to swirl around me...some of those words, thoughts, penetrating my skin. Some of it is refreshing...some, comforting...some giving me pain...gut-wrenching, face twisting pain.

I just want to find where I am. Who I am. I need to remember the deepest part inside of me. The root from which I was born. I need to get back to that Sunday School, Jesus-Loves-Me-This-I-Know innocence I knew as a child; when my deepest thought was deciding between bologna and cheese or peanutbutter and jelly.

Still, here I stand. I know who I can and cannot trust. And the truth I know in my very heart...the deepest part of my very soul is this:

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He is strong. Yes Jesus loves me...yes Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me; the Bible tells me so.

So...in your weakest moments...cling to that innocent childhood truth. Find comfort there. And dream.

Being Blindfolded in an Unfamiliar Room...

2010-11-13T23:37:00.000-06:00

God gave me a little analogy the other day, and I thought I had better write it all out before I forgot it and floundered through yet another time of disobedience.

Faith is like walking through an unfamiliar room with my eyes closed and blindfolded. I want to believe that God is at the door waiting for me when I open it, to guide me through. Because I cannot see, nor can I navigate on my own, I must wait for His Hand to guide me, to encourage me. I must be obedient to his prompting, or I'll walk into a wall, or stub my toe on a piece of furniture. I need to be patient as I make my way across the room to yet another room, and so on and so on.

Here's the problem...you knew there would be one, right? I want to peek. To open my eyes and lift the blindfold...just a little. I do not want to wait for the One who loves me more than me (yeah, you read that right) to tell me it's time to see the beauty of the room in which He has guided me. The place He has created for ME.

I have been on this path a very long time and there are times when I am SO ready to be at the end of it. When is Jesus coming, anyway? Couldn't it be RIGHT NOW? It's not easy putting ALL of your faith and trust and hope into some walk-helper. But, I certainly cannot navigate through this room alone...by myself. Without Him.

Every once in a while, He allows a glimpse into the incredible blessing of Him...to see that marvelous Light. How it encompasses and envelopes everything in His path. That Light can be blinding (hence the blindfold) and comforting all at once. And I am perfectly content to let God keep His Hand on my back, guiding me through, gently leading me around every obstacle; even allowing me to choose to "take a peek" once in a while. (Discipline is a part of life, people; and so is disobedience...we all have done it!) His lovingkindness is overwhelming. His forgiveness is beyond what I would care to give to anyone. His peace is unfathomable. His joy is inexpressable. His mercy knows no boundries. And His voice...like a million sweet whispers filled with the most unimaginable beautiful music. At least that's what it is for me.

Oh how I long for the sweet relief of His return...the mighty vindication only His power will allow and only He can provide. I am tired of walking on eggshells...of the "political correctness" Christianity has had to don in order to be at peace with the world. Why? Aren't we supposed to be set apart? In this world not OF it?There is only One God. And His Name is Yahweh. Jehovah. One Jesus. The one and only Son of God. The Christ. The Messiah. One Holy Spirit. The Comforter. It's not Mohammed. Or Buddah. Or Allah. There is NO OTHER NAME to call Him. Because He is not those other names. He is God. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The God of Joann.

I don't want to allow the world, or those whom I have befriended in this little part of MY world, to get to me. I realize that compromise is my choice and I am just tired of saying "well, you believe what you want and I
believe what I want." I don't want to compromise anymore. I want those around me to see my faith. To understand that my faith has a name...Jesus.

Ahhh...I have wandered...rambled...all to say that faith is like being blindfolded in an unfamiliar room. You just have to trust that God will guide you as you are obedient to His call...His prompting...his encouragement. I can choose to follow or walk on my own. I think that being obedient to a God who would never force me to be obedient is the only logical choice.

Praise...Worship...For all time.

Don't Think...

2010-11-06T11:26:00.000-05:00

So...I am reading this great book by Mark Batterson called "Primal". It's really very good. I'm not much of a reader, so I would know.

Anyway, I used a quote from him in my FB status today: "Don't let what you think you cannot do keep you from doing what you can." It's from a chapter about giving. It just jumped off the page in nice big letters like it wanted me to pay attention or something.

See, I am on a relaxing mini vacation with my friends. Just for the weekend. We try to do this once a year...the girls shop and watch old movies and the guys go for breakfast and golf all afternoon on Saturday. Not a time of deep thoughts or reflective pondering. Culver's Girl is in her room reading and doing her relaxing devotions and Biker Chick is taking a much deserved nap on the couch about 10 feet from me. That's what it's SUPPOSED to be. Until this year.

I really thought I would write a great blog about our friendship and how close we have all become since the beginning of our relationship and how we love spending time together...laughing, praying, eating, talking...laughing. I said that twice because we laugh A LOT when we get together! And we have done just that so far. Once the guys leave to go to breakfast, us girls just kind of do our own thing during the morning hours and we like it that way. We are all about "we want to do whatever we want to do" and everyone is WAY cool with that.

So...I pick up my book, which I have been reading for a really long time...I think I'm in chapter 3 or something like that. And I'm reading about giving to the Kingdom...all the cool stories about his church and friends he admires who have learned the the concept of giving...you are blessed to bless...and I'm thinking "these stories are so awesome." And then towards the end of the chapter, that line. And because I usually only read a chapter at a time, I was compelled to close the book, get up and stretch and do something all relax-y when I felt the uncontrollable urge to write a blog about that LINE. SO, I went on FB and put it up as my status...not good enough. So, here I am.

You have all heard the old saying "Give until it hurts", right? Well, quite honestly, I do not believe in that. I do not believe that giving should hurt at all. Ever. I agree that we should be giving because HE has given so much to us. Okay...to ME. I know giving is a personal between-you-and-God sort of thing. But, in our little church in The Grove, we really don't talk about the "T" word much. You know...TITHE.

I just want to go on record by saying that the Tithe is one of the most important acts of obedience. I do not tithe because I believe God will bless me, I tithe because I want to BE a blessing and I want to be used by God. Chief is still basically unemployed, so there is no income to tithe right now, but if we have it, we want to give it. And, yes, sometimes giving out of our need is painful (yeah, there-in lies the rub) we know that being obedient is our only option. And that is not always easy.

So, I guess why it hit me hard was because I have been wondering when we would be able to "give" again...out of our "abundance". God wants ME to know that this is all I have. ABUNDANCE. I am SEVERLY blessed, if that's at all possible, and He has kept our hearts and minds focused on Him during this time of "interruption". Give. And then give more. And as I do, I turn my heart over to Him, growing deeper and deeper in love with Him who gives me more than I could ever give back. This is part of my worship to Him. Honor. Praise. Glorify. Magnify.

Forever.

A Funny Thing happened On the Way to Church This Morning...

2010-10-10T20:41:00.001-05:00

Okay, I will need to back up about 30 hours before we get to the "funny thing". Chief performed a wedding yesterday. It was BEAUTIFUL! The Bride was BEAUTIFUL. The Groom was BEAUTIFUL. Seriously, everything was BEAUTIFUL! The weather was beyond beautiful...a sunny, slightly breezy 81 degrees, and it's OCTOBER in Wisconsin! The ceremony was touching and sweet (Chief did a FANTASTIC job), the two hours between the wedding and the dinner literally flew by (great appetizers helped a lot), the food was scrumptious and the cake...MMMMMMMMMMM. We talked with some old friends and we were so encouraged all day. It was a JOY. We got to spend part of the day with my Mom, Rachigga and Knight in Shining Armor and with Photomom, seeing as she was the PHOTOGRAPHER for the day! (So proud of her, by the way.)

Anyway, we left feeling a little tired but, encouraged and loved. And excited about a couple of things. Seriously.

Then we got home. A message from one of Chief's co-workers who was also let go of his position, had left a message on the answering machine. Chief called him. Bad news. According to the Labor Board, the Contractor was not being held responsible for letting them go. Probably not going to get that job back. Then MORE bad news...he checked on his resume for the Government Sevice position, and there, in the bottom right hand corner "After reviewing your resume, you are not qualified for this position."

Excuse me...WHAT?? NOT QUALIFIED to do the EXACT same job he had been doing the last 12 years? REALLY!?!? I just turned and went upstairs to do something mind numbing, like play cards on the computer. It didn't work. Chief came up shortly after, but was tired, and after a few minutes, went to bed. We really didn't say anything to one another at all. Just some sighs...in a very quiet room. I cried for 30 minutes in the bathroom.

At about 3:00 a.m. I woke up and noticed I was alone, and started to pray for Chief. He was up working on his resume. He finally came to bed about 30 minutes later...he had been up since two.

So...morning comes. (I know...I'm getting to it!) Tired and spent, we ready ourselves, get in the car and we're off to church. We had not talked about the night before yet, and I knew that as soon as I did, I would cry and I really HATE crying, especially in front of Chief. So...I am quietly praying, "Lord, please help me to not be bitter or selfish. I do not want to jeopardize what you have for us by being stubborn and bitter."

Literally, two blocks from home...the trees. Oh my goodness; those trees. Bright yellow and reddish purple...Autumn is my MOST favorite time of year...the colors were just brilliant. And I had noticed it the day before when we were leaving for that BEAUTIFUL wedding, how beautiful and brilliant the colors were. To me, it was just breathtaking...the colors in the early morning coolness, the sun having only peeked over the horizon about one hour prior. A stop sign...we turn the corner, and I hear the faintest whisper.

"I did this just for you today."

I smiled a little, and I even breathed a tiny "thank-you"...but then quickly dismissed it. We talked about the night before, I cried and apologized because I was sounding bitter..and not just about the loss of his job or the foolishness of those words written on the computer...but because of some things we had done throughout the past couple of years...were we being punished for being so careless?

Fast forward to 20 minutes ago. Mourning the loss of our beloved Packers :~), I came up to the computer to "play a game" to check my FB...blah, blah, blah. Another whisper.

"You know I spoke to you this morning."

So, here I am. As selfish as this sounds, He painted those trees just for me today. And Chief's sermon? Yeah...that was just for me, too. Our God is AMAZING. And I believe I am using that word in the correct light (yes, BFF?) and He is Beautiful and loving and He loves me and wants me to follow His direction, whatever that may be. So, I will...

"Yes, Lord, I'm listening...I'm here."

Navigation...Good Thing I Married a Sailor

2010-09-22T07:29:00.000-05:00

Remember my last post..."Peace and Praise. No Matter What"? Well...No Matter What has hit home directly!

Chief lost his full time job. Okay, I know what you're gonna say..."welcome to the rest of America" and "at least he has the job at the church". Both accurate statements, I agree; still...not being offered a position with the school under the new contractor (whom you worked for three years prior) is, well, not exactly confidence building. Ya know?

We know God has something in store for us. And I think it's B-I-G.

Okay...sort of from the beginning, and from my own perspective (because it's MY blog, and it's all about me). It took me almost EIGHT months to find our latest Women's Bible Study. Seriously. I received this catalog from Lifeway Press that had about 100 Bible studies in it, and I needed to choose something for the upcoming 2010 fall study...and then the 2011 winter study. So...I poured over the lists, read through the reviews, read through the excerpts, prayed and prayed some more. I finally settled on Priscilla Shirer's newest study for the fall. Then, as I went over the list...I saw a "theme", if you will, and chose our next four following. I love how God puts things together. Sometimes I don't see the bigger picture right away after choosing a particular study, and this time wasn't any different. I thought: "this is a brand new study and I am excited to do something brand new for a change! Someone in our small group of women is gonna need this."

Oh...you want to know the name of the study? Here it is: "Jonah, Navigating a Life Interrupted." Yeah...you read that right. Navigating a life INTERRUPTED!

Almost as soon as Chief told me the news about his job last Thursday, I thought about this study...or God had me think about this study...and how ironic it was. Although Chief and I are not being disobedient about where we are in ministry (like Jonah), or whining about our "predicament" (like Jonah), this is definately an interruption. And we are looking at it full in the face...taking it head on...finding every opportunity to find God's Hand in our situation. Will our lives be changing? Probably. Will we lose our house? Maybe. Will we question our faith and wonder "why is God doing this to us"? Absolutely not.

I am excited to see what God has in store for us as a couple. As Pastor and Pastor's wife. We covet the prayers of all who know us (and from those who don't) that we follow God's will for our family and our ministry. We trust that He will provide. He always has, and He won't stop now.

I leave you with my favorite verse (quoted from the Contemporary English Version):

"The Lord your God wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love." Zephaniah 3:17

Peace and Praise. No Matter What.

2010-08-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

We have been studying Jeremiah in our Sunday School class...taught by Cheerios...it's really awesome, I love his teaching style and I have learned a LOT! We just finished chapters 40-45...and something just hit me as we were going through an actually unfamiliar story to me.

In a nutshell, Judah had been taken captive by Babylon and there was a remnant of poor people left there. Gedaliah had been appointed Governor over the land there and told the people to not worry, they could work the land as they pleased and keep what they needed from the crops they produced...life would have been bearable, at least. Anyway, Gedaliah was happy with what he had done and when one of his men, Johanan, tells him that another man, Ishmael (no, not Isaac's brother) was planning on killing him, Gedaliah didn't believe him. Not wise. Ishmael and ten other men not only killed Gedaliah, but everyone in his household as well. They also killed 70 of 80 men who had come from Shechem, Shiloh and Samaria. (Yeah...11 men killed 70 men...I thought that was a little weird, too.)

When Johanan hears about the killing, he sets out with a bunch of men to kill Ishmael, but Ishmael and eight of his men get away. Johanan heads to a place near Bethlehem with all the men, women and children who had come with him from Mizpah. (He was on his way to Egypt) There they find Jeremiah and ask him to pray to God to ask Him what they should do next. So...Jeremiah agrees...ten days later, he comes back with an answer.

"He said to them, "This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, to whom you sent me to present your petition, says: 'If you stay in this land, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you, for I am grieved over the disaster I have inflicted on you. Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you now fear. Do not be afraid of him, declares the Lord, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands. I will show you compassion so that he will have compassion on you and restore you to your land.'

"However, if you say, 'We will not stay in this land,' and so disobey the Lord your God, and if you say, 'No, we will go and live in Egypt, where we will not see war or hear the trumpet or be hungry for bread,' then hear the word of the Lord, O remnant of Judah. This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: 'If you are determined to go to Egypt and you do go to settle there, then the sword you fear will overtake you there, and the famine you dread will follow you into Egypt, and there you will die. Indeed, all who are determined to go to Egypt to settle there will die by the sword, famine and plague; not one of them will survive or escape the disaster I will bring on them.' This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: 'As my anger and wrath have been poured out on those who lived in Jerusalem, so will my wrath be poured out on you when you go to Egypt. You will be an object of cursing and horror, of condemnation and reproach; you will never see this place again.'

"O remnant of Judah, the Lord has told you, 'Do not go to Egypt.' Be sure of this: I warn you today that you made a fatal mistake when you sent me to the Lord your God and said, 'Pray to the Lord our God for us; tell us everything he says and we will do it.' I have told you today, but you still have not obeyed the Lord your God in all he sent me to tell you. So now, be sure of this: You will die by the sword, famine and plague in the place where you want to go to settle." Jeremiah 42:9-22 (italics, mine)

Okay...now that I have told you this lengthy story...that is not EXACTLY what this blog is about. At the end of the story, a woman from our class asks Cheerios a question. She states that she understands that the Old Testament is a foreshadow of the New Testament." Cheerios agrees. And that for us, Egypt represents sin. Cheerios agrees again.

And that's when it hit me. Ever since their freedom from their captivity in Egypt...Moses leading them out victorious...every time things get difficult or the path is unclear, or they feel God is asking too much from them, the Israelites want to flee back to Egypt. It's safe there. They are familiar with it. It's comfortable. Like an old sweater on a cool Autumn evening.

And that is exactly what we do. When we pray and ask God to help us in a particular situation and we are harboring sin in our lives...from smoking to overeating to alcohol...whatever your sin may be...we only want God to answer OUR way. If He asks us to stop the sin we are in...and we don't...we are being disobedient. And disobedience brings consequence. We want God to fix or restore or renew, but we are not willing to be obedient in even the smallest of tasks. Why hasn't He answered your prayer? Take a step back and listen. Is God asking you to release something in your life?

You may be thinking "That little thing? He wouldn't hold back His blessing from me just because He asked me to end THAT little thing and I haven't yet, would He?"

What is your Egypt? What keeps you from the full blessing God has prepared for you? Will you be obedient to His request of you?

Or will you be just like that remnant? And FYI...that band of people called Jeremiah a liar and went on to Egypt. And they kidnapped Jeremiah and took him with them. Jeremiah was right...he knew they would not obey...it was their M.O. And they died in Egypt...never having seen their beloved Judah again.

God is a loving, kind, compassionate God. Full of Mercy and Grace...more than we could ever hope for...way more than we deserve. But, He is a Just God. And just as His blessings rain on the just and unjust...so does His discipline.

The next time you want to blame God for whatever predicament you are in...when you think God does not hear you...when you feel like God has looked the other way...remember what He has asked of you. That one little thing...quit smoking...eat healthy...stop watching that program...spend more time with Me. Have you been obedient? Or do you justify your disobedience with: "it's just too difficult to stop that right now, I am under so much pressure...so much stress. I need this little habit. I'm not really hurting anyone."

Peace and Praise.

Black and White and Re(a)d All Over...

2010-08-17T07:50:00.000-05:00

That's a line from an old joke circa 1960...something. "What's black and white and red all over?" Answer: THE NEWSPAPER...get it? Oh well...it was funny when I was...five.

Actually, the line came to me when I opened my blog and I noticed that in my tagline, I invite my readers to "...discover the deepest hues of my life." After I tell them that my life is rich in color and texture. Ironic. Because my entire blog (save one small picture of Chief and I) is Black and White. So maybe you will complete the line..."and read all over". Just sayin...

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately. Lots of "stuff" going on. Some are deep and rich is wisdom, written with words full of meaning and double entendre. And some are funny, witty...wickedly creative. I cannot seem to find any of those "things" in my writing right now. Not sure what causes that lack of "wordiness", but I'm looking for it...somewhere. Unfortunately, blog "ideas" come to me in the middle of the night...during a dream or when I simply am not willing to get back out of bed to write. "I'll remember it in the morning" is USUALLY what I say to myself. And of course, I file it away...maybe I'll remember...tomorrow. I hate laziness in my creativity...it makes me see that ugly I-don't-feel-like-it-right-now, apathetic attitude I have all too often these days. I just gotta get outta this funk I'm in.

Oh well...another day...another punch line.

Is This Thing On??

2010-07-05T22:14:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to check in. That's all. Just to make sure there is still life out there. At last blogging, I talked about the lazy days of summer...well...

I don't know where June went, but it is now July. J-U-L-Y! What!?!?!?

Yeah, lazy isn't part of the routine just yet. I'm working on it. After we finish painting the ENTIRE downstairs living areas. Yeah. I'll be lazy then.

Many birthdays...painting the dining room...Christmas in July...painting the living room...Happy is coming in one week and five days...painting the kitchen...a trip to the cottage...painting the family room...blogging...yoga...aerobics...boxing. Did I mention we're painting?

I'm tired and I'm going to bed now. Sleep sweet!

And by-the-way...I am STILL doing fine!

"Carry Me Home..."

2010-06-16T19:56:00.000-05:00

Ahhh...it's summer. Finally. Now we can move lazily through our days dreaming of bar-be-que, corn-on-the-cob and Popsicles. Even though I am NOT a fan of the hot and humid weather this season brings, I love the summer. The kids running through the sprinkler, the roar of motorcycles in the distance, the crickets in the evening...the beautiful fresh air filling my house through wide-open windows.

I always look forward to the summer because that's when vacations begin and Happy and her family come to visit for one week. My house is filled with family and friends and the laughter of grandchildren. Oh, that happens whenever they come home to visit, but in the summer...it's just...different. The kids seem happier...maybe it's all that sunshine. And maybe it's because my Mom and Dad are here, too, to enjoy the kids. Yeah, that has a lot to do with it.

So, I read a blog today http://www.karenmaezenmiller.com/going-home (I cannot seem to add a link to my blogs...weird.) First of all, the picture is from my friend Sweet T and it's beautiful...and incredibly simple. The blog begins with a poem by Donna Hilbert and by the end of the brief encounter, I was hooked. I loved the poetry...it so reminded me of my own Grandmother and parts of my own childhood...I think I have found a new poet to love.

I spent many summers with my Grandma and Grandpa...all of them fill my mind with sweet, hazy, taking-it-easy, memories that seem to, quite simply, wash me clean. Take pause...relax...find-a-place-wherever-you-are, close your eyes and remind yourself of some beautiful, peaceful place. Meditate on it. Find solace there. Seriously...take a deep breath. Go.

Okay...you all know me by now...you know that I am a born-again-blood-bought-spirit-filled-testifyin' child of the King. I know this all sounds WAY New Age. WAY beyond what Christians do. I know in my heart of hearts...the deepest part of me...in my very spirit, that Christ brings me peace. That He is my solace. He is my rest. He washes me clean. I know that. And I will believe that forever. Nothing but the Blood.

That is not the kind of peace I'm talking about. It's that...sigh. That...I-miss-those-days feeling. It's the feeling I want my kids and grand kids to have when they think about spending summers at Oma's house. That sweet, special, out of the ordinary place that puts a smile on your face when you are alone in a crowd and everyone wants to know "what's up with HER"?

Yeah, I'm thinking about my children and their children and how much my Grandma would have loved to have had them all spend a week with her July. At the pool. At Bay Beach. Laying on the covered patio drinking lemonade and licking fudgesicles. Playing with Laddie. Those were the days...the lazy, hazy days of summer youth.

Oh, and in case you were wondering...I'm doing fine.

Happy Birthday...Happy 25th Birthday...

2010-05-15T07:16:00.010-05:00

I would so LOVE to take all the credit for this beautiful woman...but it's NOT about me.
It's about HER.
(Oh yeah...Sweet T...you know who you are! These are still the most beautiful pics of Rachigga...)

Rachigga turns 25 today. A milestone. I have blogged for her birthday before. (www.mylifeisatapestry.blogspot.com/2008/05/happy-birthday-rachigga.html) But today...25 years. I can hardly believe a quarter-of-a-century has gone by. Has FLOWN by. Look at her. Then and now. My Rachigga is not JUST a beautiful woman. She's a beautiful WOMAN. Inside and out. She's special. And creative. Tender and caring. Encouraging and disciplined. A hard worker, a wonderful mother and an awesome wife. Most importantly, at least to me...she's an incredible daughter. She thinks of me. She makes me feel loved and protected. Weird, I know...but if you KNOW Rachigga...she's a protector. She's a prayer warrior and a beautiful worshiper.

Rachigga, I love you incredibly and I am so excited to be able to celebrate this milestone in your life. Your 25th anniversary of your birth.
Such a beautiful family.

Just...that's all...

2010-03-20T21:45:00.006-05:00

I'm looking for a picture I took...I can't find it. BOO. I needed SOMETHING visual...to say...

I'm frustrated. I'm prideful. I'm worried. I'm depressed. I am out of fresh ideas. I am tired...feeling...creepy...weird. Something's missing. Get it?

And I wonder. Just...wonder, that's all.

Because I felt like it.

That's Not Yours...So Don't Worry About It...

2010-03-05T12:50:00.006-06:00

Okay, so I was watching Dr. Phil today. Yeah, yeah...spare me the rhetoric.

This particular episode was about Inheritance and Pre-Nuptuial Agreements. I don't really care about the pre-nup...it's the inheritance thing. And something the lawyer-woman said. "Intended Inheritance." It means you may or may not get anything. It should really have said: "Ed's money". You know...ED or BOB...yeah, anyway...IT'S NOT YOUR MONEY TO BEGIN WITH!

Seriously...my children know there's no money...and if we get any money...it belongs to US. Mom and Dad. Not them. And we get to spend our money any way we choose. And, in the end...if there's any left, they can split it up any way THEY choose. And, trust me...Chief and I will probably being doing our best to spend whatever money we have on US.

Selfish? Probably. Rude? Not really. I was frustrated with this woman who was really upset with her father because he had invested money in business ventures with her brother, his son, and he lost everything. Including his wife. All told...probably over $1,000,000. Still...it was HIS money. Her name wasn't on any of those President-portrait-ed pieces of green paper. Daddy earned that money all on his own and he did as he wanted with it all. Wise? Ummm...no...BUT...none of her business, really.

I do not want my children to "butt-in" where our money is concerned...and I do not "butt-in" on their choices, either. We all make money mistakes...and we learn from them and grow from them. (Well, hopefully!)

HOWEVER...I do appreciate that my children have been very protective of Mom and Dad concerning some money PROBLEMS during the past couple of years. And supportive. They are the best, and we could never have imagined such encouragement from these fine adults. I do believe we need to look out for one another, offer advice...when it's asked for... and give silent support and encouragement at all times. But, if we make mistakes concerning our money...then we suffer those consequences. If we do something awesome with extra money, and it proves lucrative in the long run...then THEY reap those benefits right along with us...and after, if that be the case.

Worrying about the way my parents are spending "my inheritance" is selfish and disrespectful. I certainly do not want my parents to worry about what money they can leave behind...they should be living out these years to the fullest and having a most beautiful, rewarding life! And if that means spending all the money THEY have EARNED...then so be it.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34

Preach it. Thank you.

Just Sayin'...

2010-02-23T13:01:00.006-06:00

I have been struggling with this for a few weeks now. The reasons why it took me so long to write it all out escapes me...even though I love to share my thoughts, my inmost feelings laid bare is a trifle more difficult to put to ink and paper. Or keyboard to monitor, as it were.

I have been caring for Hazelnut since October. I love having her with me. At first it was every day (Monday-Friday) and in January it went to three days a week. She is a joy to have, and when I am alone with her, I find myself watching her as if I have never before seen an infant. I find myself wishing that all my other grandchildren were with me, one by one, if even for a few hours...to be alone with them. To observe them. To watch, silently, the birth of new personality. I can barely write about ANY of them without having to stop because I cannot see the keys through my tears. I love them all that much. And more.

I have tried over the past couple of months, to remember exactly what it felt like when I was holding my own babies. Their snuggling, cuddling, laughter and tears. I try. I find it very difficult, even when I close my eyes and see Cheerios or Rachigga or Happy as tiny babies...to remember the feeling. The joy. The peace. That baby smell I love so much. Those extremely quiet, alone times when I would watch them sleep. I do remember a lot of it...but it seems to be fading from my mind's eye. It's blurry...fuzzy...faint.

And then, in the night, as I was crying because of the overwhelming emotion of memories...I wondered where it all started. Where did this rush of love begin? Then, as in a dream, I was flying through my life to that exact place.

I love...adore...cherish...am devoted to my precious, beautiful girls. I am in awe of them as women and wives and mothers. There are times when I pray that someday, I can be as they are...loving, giving, caring women.

But that is not where I landed. It was November 1977. When I found out I was having my first baby. That is where it all began. Making that choice to have the child within me...to be the mother...alone and afraid. It was with the birth of Cheerios that this love began. The first sight of him. Those eyes...so much wiser than my own...he changed my life forever. It was his birth...his little life, that put me on that road. This one single event in my life...lead me to the road I travel today.

He grounded me. Caused me to be so much more aware of my selfishness. Cheerios changed me. Forever. It was a long experience...a long teaching...a beautiful awakening. This one choice...to give birth...put me on my journey to Christ. To my salvation. To my husband. To my girls. This one tiny, little boy. I will forever be grateful...and indebted...to my Cheerios, for "saving" me...for being the son I have always wanted...more than I could ever have hoped or dreamed.

I have come to this conclusion...sometimes, as Mom's, we do not think we are very good at our job. We look at all our mistakes (and with me, there are oh so many...too many to count) and believe we are the worst Mom in the history of the world. But, here's the thing...God gave me grandchildren. And why? So that I can be a better Mom by being a great Oma.

I love my babies so incredibly...its very thought crushes me with emotions so deep, I am paralyzed, unable to move or speak through the rush of tears. When I allow the feelings to come, my innermost parts convulse with rapture and fear and anticipation. I am consumed with the joy of all of them and wonder who on earth is as blessed as I? And still...there is a peace and a calm the emotion brings that I cannot deny, and I choose, once again...life.

Our New Family Jewel...

2010-02-16T15:32:00.006-06:00

SO...I have yet to blog about our new addition. Our newest little bundle of pure, unadulterated joy. We have Bright Eyes, New York, Z-man, Flower, Beautiful, Hazelnut and now...our little Precious. Because that is what she is. Precious. Interestingly enough...my birthstone...is considered to be one of the most powerful gems of the universe. And it is the color most associated with the words "love", "beauty" and "power". Sweet.

Our little Precious will be filled with love and beauty, and as she grows, the power of the Holy Spirit. What an exciting life she has ahead of her. And it is an honor and a privilege to be a part of that life.

And her middle name? Even more appropriate. It means divine favor...and she has come to us in exactly that way. By divine favor. God's creation always amazes me...causes me to well up with the overwhelming emotions of joy, fear and awe. (It's a good kind of fear)

She is a beautiful, Precious bundle of sweetness, and I cannot believe God has allowed me another of His blessings. I just didn't think one person could love THIS MUCH. But, I do. And it's growing stronger and more powerful everyday.

My heart is filled...

Artful...What?

2010-02-10T20:03:00.006-06:00

I am in love with "Artful Blogging". I received my first copy in the mail today. I was trying to order the issue with a particular featured article, but ordered the wrong "season". There is a reason for everything...and I am so happy I made that mistake! It is so full of creativity...beauty...ART. Which leads me to this particular post.

I am so NOT a true blogger. Sad, but, true. I am just not that artsy. Oh, I can scrapbook with some of the best...and I do make a pretty card once in awhile. Still, I am no artiste. I do not have a beautiful photograph, or a beautiful drawing or watercolor (although, I have been "water coloring" on my cards lately...LOVE IT) to accompany my blog. And I do not blog every day. I should. I have so much to say...

Here's the thing. I am enamored by the artful composition I saw in the periodical. I loved the spontaneity...the creativity...the wonder and the beauty of all the entries. Cover to cover. The reason for my purchase...I cannot wait to get the next edition so I can see what my friend wrote to earn her place in this beautiful...exposition of talent.

Summer is just too far away!

I leave you with one of my latest creations...feeble(and blurry)as it may be...

Christmas 2009...

2009-12-26T14:57:00.008-06:00

Well, it's "over". The presents, wrapped...then torn open with shrieks of joy...food consumed...games played..."Christmas Story" watched probably fourteen times...the thank-you's, the hugs, the smiles, the laughter. And we did it all three times over. It was a beautiful Christmas...literally. So blessed to have Happy and her family here for a few days. It really was a perfect Christmas. Now on to the remains of the day...or year, to be more specific.

2009 was...well...fleeting. I cannot even begin to remember everything that happened this year...it seems it flew by in a flurry of colors and a rush of so many different emotions; all to end up here, where we are today. A pregnant daughter, a pregnant daughter-in-law and the birth of a new baby were definitely the highlights. And another new baby coming in one week.

A trip to see Happy...visits from family and vacationing with friends all of which will undoubtedly be repeated this year as well! And we look forward to that repetition!

"O Lord, what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of Him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow.: Psalm 144:3-4

That God would be so inclined to bless me in such a way is beyond my comprehension. I am eternally (literally) grateful for His mercy and grace shown to me throughout this year. My prayer for this upcoming year is that I would grow even closer to my Savior...to my family...my children...my grandchildren...my precious friends. My wonderful, adoring husband. That our little church would be moved by his Holy Spirit to worship Him deeper. To find ourselves in continual prayer for one another and for this world in which we live. Would you be so kind as to include me when you pray throughout this year?

I am in love with my life...and grateful for all God has provided for me. I pray you are all in this same place: loving your life and indebted to the One who made it all possible.

Praise!!

(Aren't my grandchildren B-E-A-UTIFUL????)

Caution...

2009-11-04T15:07:00.006-06:00

...objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

So...have you ever reached for something (figuratively speaking) that seemed impossible to touch? Yeah, that's where I am right now; and I just wanted to share what I have discovered about the whole grab-the-brass-ring-reach-for-the-stars mentality.

Not that I am even sure what it is I am reaching FOR, I just know there's something out there and it seems just beyond my reach. When I was in The Dells for a short weekend vacation a couple of weeks ago, I took this picture of my mirror and it just hit me: that would be a great blog! Then I posted the pictures and promised the pic would become part of a future blog, and now, here I am. Blogging.

Here's the epiphany: sometimes the things we are stretching our hands out to are closer than we think. They are actually right in front of us. We can't touch them because we think that when we are wondering about our life, wondering about where we should be, we reach beyond the intended prize...so to speak. We pass the ring right along because our gaze is fixed on something entirely different than what is intended at that moment. We miss it. Completely. Everyting has to be complicated. Worrisome. Fretted over. Even depressing, for it all to MEAN something.

I'm getting something from this. I'm growing. And it will all be revealed in good time.

Waiting and watching...

Here She Is...

2009-10-06T12:17:00.003-05:00

This is my new grandbaby. She came into this world on Friday, September 25, 2009 at 3:30 p.m. and weighed 6lbs 14oz and measured 20 inches long. After 7 hours and 45 minutes of labor and 45 minutes of good solid pushing...she's precious and beautiful and tiny and perfect. Look at that beautiful face...that thick black hair. And those REALLY LONG fingers. Yeah, she'll play the piano.

Rachigga was amazing (yeah, you read that right). She held up through labor and delivery like a pro. I am so incredibly proud of her. My last baby had her first baby. Remarkable.

Now, I need a name for this little bundle of preciousness. Let's see...I have Z-man and Flower...Beautiful...Bright Eyes and New York...this little joy is such a tiny little...peanut. My little peanut.

I feel like I need to be writing something...profound here. And this is what I have: when I look at her, I am in awe. Like I have been waiting for her for such a long time. I love all my grandbabies. All of them. They are all unique and precious to me. They all hold some special something within me. And this little Peanut is no different. And yet, she is. Oh, maybe they ALL are. Maybe because it's my last child experiencing a final first in life...there are no more "firsts"...at least not for a long time. Rachigga's pregnancy...her labor...her delivery...the first time she nursed...I am flooded with my own memories of those "firsts" in my own life. Somehow, I miss it. I wonder how in the world did I come to this point in my life? How did I "survive"?

Words for another day...for now...I cherish each and every waking and sleeping moment I spend with Peanut; because soon I will get to hear the word that tugs at my heart whenever any of those babies say it..."Oma".

Yeah, You Heard Me Right...

2009-08-30T17:11:00.010-05:00

115 days. Can you even guess?? Now, you all are probably thinking about my new grandbabies coming. One in 23 days and the other in, well, more than 115 days. So, no, it's not my precious grandbabies coming to greet Oma.

For those of you know me all too well...I am listening to Andy Williams Red Album right now. At this very moment. It is one of my absolute favorite albums ever recorded...right next to his Green Album.

Red. Green. That's right. Christmas. 115 days until Christmas. Even better, 91 days until I can actually celebrate the SEASON. I am sure it is the nostalgia that makes this season so special to me. It really isn't the snow or the cold...it's the memories. It's the joy that accompanies the era. "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"...yes, that's what's playing right now.

And, as much as I would LOVE to be appropriately spiritual right now, it's not even about Jesus. (Because, really, shouldn't we be celebrating Jesus every day of the year??)

It's just about...Christmas. I love it.

The weekend after Thanksgiving (another fave holiday), we clear out the living room...the corner by the window, the tables, some of the pictures come off the wall...even the kitchen, family room and bathroom get cleared out. And they are then prepared for the seasonal decorations. And there are MANY decorations. Because I love them...and because I can. So I do.

The snowmen...the lights...the garland for the banister...the stockings (I'm gonna need two more)...the tree...the ornaments. Oh the ornaments. My tree is very...well...shall we say...eclectic? I LOVE IT. It reminds me of my Grandma and Grandpa. And home. My home. And all of those years we spent away from home. The cookies...hot chocolate...eggnog...turkey. Family...babies...grandchildren...and I get to GIVE to all of them. Presents...wrapping paper...and my handmade cards.

I can hardly wait for the season to begin. To celebrate with my children and their children. To see their faces light up...not just at the opening of the gifts, but at every family gathering...at every song they sing for the occasion...listen to them giggle and watch them play in the snow.

Why is it so different? I have no idea. Maybe it IS about Jesus. Maybe we are closer at that time of the year because of the reason we all celebrate. For me...it's because it reminds me of a time when life was a little simpler, just as it reminds my parents of a simpler time. When life wasn't so fast-paced. No Internet. No iPhone. No Blackberries. No Facebook or Myspace.

Maybe it's too early to be thinking about Christmas. Maybe it's not the right time to be thinking about a simpler life. About family gatherings and hot chocolate. Giggling grandchildren and mountains of wrapping paper. Twinkling lights and decorated sugar cookies. Eggnog and turkey with stuffing. Maybe I should just contend with today. With now.

But, I simply cannot help myself!

Really.

2009-08-19T17:29:00.004-05:00

It's been so long. Way too long. Wondering what in the world is the matter with me...not writing...that's just not like me. I have been reading other blogs to, maybe, be inspired...nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Maybe I am just not "in it". Maybe I've lost my "umph". Or the ability. **GASP**

So, here I sit, not feeling 100% (whatever THAT means)...physically...mentally...emotionally. That SHOULD be the PERFECT time to jot SOMETHING down. ANYthing. I hear peals of thunder...it's raining...I am REALLY, REALLY hot...I am home alone...I don't have anything to say?!!?! REALLY!?!?!?

Really. Later.

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights...

2009-05-18T05:35:00.003-05:00

...okay, not really WASTED, per se. Time spent searching out God in my life is NEVER wasted time. Still, that is how I felt last night as this "Daniel Fast" thing came to an end.

An end, you ask? Yes. An end. No, the 21 days are yet to be complete, but this particular part of the journey is over, and a new one has begun.

"It is often called a "Daniel Fast". Yes, it's Biblical..." My own words, here. And they are not ENTIRELY accurate. I said Daniel FASTED 21 days...well, it doesn't say that. Exactly. As a matter of FACT, in the King James Version, "fasting" is only mentioned twice in the entire book. And only once concerning Daniel himself. Oh, he deprived himself of choice food, meat and wine; and then it was while he was in MOURNING.

Chief and I struggled all week. Not because the enemy was lurking around every corner; but, because we just were not certain that this is what God was asking us to do. We just couldn't get that nagging feeling to go away. Not about actually FASTING, but HOW we were fasting. So, we sought out counsel...and we got it. Thank you Cheerios and Photomom. Please understand, they did not change our minds, or tell us that what we were doing was bogus. On the contrary...they were entirely supportive in our decision from the beginning. That conversation only confirmed what Chief and I were thinking, INDIVIDUALLY, all week long.

So...you want to know what happened at 4:45 this morning? I woke up singing and praying! And not singing a song you would think...like praise or worship...but the chorus to "We Will Stand". An old song by Russ Taff. More on that in a minute...

Fasting is not about worrying over what food I should eat or not eat. The Online Dictionary shows this as one definition of the word "fast": to abstain from all food. And this: an abstinence from food, or a limiting of one's food, esp. when voluntary and as a religious observance; fasting.

God revealed to us both, that the purpose of fasting is to draw closer to God. To be in His presence. The focus is on GOD. Not on food. And, unfortunately, our focus was on what we were allowed to eat, and what we were NOT allowed to eat. Our devotion and prayer time were hindered because we just could not move away from those thoughts. No matter how hard I tried, I was continually thinking "I cannot serve Chief this food, what can I make him for dinner that's legal?" Hmmm...legal. Not a good word to have as a part of my vocabulary during a time of fasting. There is nothing legalistic about fasting. It's about obdience.

And I so want to live an obedient life before my Savior!

How do you not focus on food during a fast? Photomom said it best...eliminate it completely. Then you can ONLY focus on God.

So...we ARE fasting. And PRAYING. Seems like we forgot about the praying part during all this worrying and wondering! We will fast our afternoon meal and pray TOGETHER. (Chief is working nights right now.) For Chief, it's about where God wants him to go concerning the Church in which God has entrusted him. For me...I want to support my man! Seriously...that really is why. I want to be an encouragement to Chief and to stand with him as he stands before the Father.

And the song? Well, I kind of just stated that...here are the words to that chorus:

"You're my brother, you're my sister,
So take me by the hand;
Together we will work until He comes.
There's no foe that can defeat us,
When we're walking side by side;
As long as there is love,
We Will Stand!"

Amen?

A Journey of a Thousand Miles...

2009-05-11T08:38:00.003-05:00

...begins with a single step.

So, I'm taking my first step. Chief and I are embarking on a 21-day fruit and vegetable fast together. We begin today. No meat...no dairy...no sugar...no coffee...just water, fruits and vegetables and ONE grain of choice.

It is often called a "Daniel Fast". Yes, it's Biblical, and yes that is the reason we are doing it. Because we feel God has something for us. And we need to fast and pray.

I have been reading A LOT about fasting. The purpose, the struggle, the sacrifice, the beauty. The idea that when you withhold some of life's little pleasures, you will somehow discover the meaning of life.

That sounds very sarcastic. I really do not mean to be, it's just that we don't do this kind of thing anymore. And I think that's sad. That we do not embrace ALL of what God has intended for us because some of what He has intended may be a bit uncomfortable. Like fasting. As Christians, we have turned fasting into some iconic gesture that only the most pious can attempt to attain. Christians just do not fast any more. I read...somewhere...that the church doesn't fast because we are a consumer-driven society and fasting is just not...well...NOT. Why would you want to FAST? Give up meat? COFFEE? Milk? Food???? We have decided that fasting can now be materialistic. We can fast the television. The computer. Electricity.

I just do not think this is what God had in mind. I do not believe that when Jesus said "when you fast and pray..." He meant..."when you stop watching T.V. for two hours, please spend some of that time with me, okay?"

Daniel fasted 21 days until the Angel came to give him the answer to his prayer. "I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips; and I used no lotions at all until the three weeks were over." He was in mourning over his beloved Jerusalem. God had given Daniel a dream. Daniel fasted and God gave him vision.

The purpose?

I want vision. I want to know my Savior. His vision for ME. For my husband. For my family. For my church. I want to be immersed in His presence. Know His will for ME. What am I supposed to be doing? Where am I supposed to going? I know this relationship shouldn't be so...SURFACE. To be closer to the One who loves me unconditionally...who waits for me hour after hour for a glimpse of me to share my life with Him for just one moment. I want to know HIM. To understand my FATHER. To know the HOLY SPIRIT living within me.

The struggle?

Ummm...NOT EATING! Just kidding. Sort of. I guess struggle and sacrifice could go together. Because it IS a struggle to sacrifice that which you LOVE...like food. The early church lived a fasting lifestyle. They fasted as often as they could, because they knew they should. Because to be like Jesus means that you try to live as He did. To touch as He touched. To see as He sees. To be "Jesus with skin on". And Jesus fasted. And prayed. So much more, then, should we fast and pray.

The beauty?

Ahhh...this would be the best part, of course. As I deny my flesh...I feed my spirit. And my spirit needs to be in tune with the Holy Spirit. The Holy peace...joy...understanding...compassion. I want it all. And I want it for Chief. We are fasting as individuals, individually, for a corporate purpose. Chief will be challenging the church to fast and pray for 21 days on June 7. We want to fast and pray for 21 days NOW so the vision for our church is clear. So Chief and Cheerios can be the best Pastors to an awesome congregation of people. So our church will grow...not just in number, but in spiritual maturity. So, when it's over, they can say...it's time for meat. Not physical meat...but SPIRITUAL meat. No more milk...it's time to grow up. To go out and touch their community for the cause of Christ!

So...this IS a journey of a thousand miles. Because you cannot ask what you are not willing to do. And I am ready to take that first step. Will you do me the honor of walking along with me? At least to pray with me and encourage me?

Hosea 12:6 "But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always."

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes."

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

And Zephaniah 3:17. You can look that up yourself. :~)

My New Obsession...

2009-04-08T17:38:00.005-05:00

Okay...so it's not really NEW, perse...but I am finding new and different venues to keep up with my love for scrapbooking and cardmaking. I would love to get REALLY good at it and sell the cards...someday. Maybe.

I made these for a friend whose daughter is having a baby in June/July. The shower is in May.

I have decided to make her Thank You cards, too. (They won't ALL look like this...I will make different colors...just because.)

And...just for your viewing pleasure...Easter and Christmas.

So...

2009-03-23T21:35:00.008-05:00

...I went to Virginia a couple of weeks ago to visit Happy and Beautiful. Oh...and OF COURSE NCFan. :~) I had a wonderful time with my girls...NC had to work, and he wasn't home much.

I cannot believe how big Beautiful is getting, and how well she speaks! Well...she DOES talk very well...but NOT as good as her Mommy when SHE was 16 months old. I don't think ANY baby talked as well as Happy did. She was...well...born to talk! And if you know her AT ALL, you know I speak truth!

I arrived on Saturday, so I was able to go to church with Happy...and it was AWESOME! I am so happy that Happy found a church where she can use the gifts God has given her. Praise Him. It was a thrill to be able to worship with my baby once again. Unfortunately, she was sick and couldn't sing the solo she was assigned..."Every Mountain". OH BABY..I so remember doing that song at KFA...and it moved me once again. Happy and I stood while the choir sang and we sang from the congregation...what a blessing!

I will not bore you with the awful details of my flight to and from...suffice it to say that I will probably never CHOOSE to fly alone any more. Chief will fly with me (or SOMEONE will) or I will not fly. I'll drive! I'll tell you about it someday. If I can get through the stories without crying. Big BABY!

ANYWAY...enjoy the pics...I sure do!

Yeah...we were out for breakfast Sunday morning...she was finished with her banana and she wanted to go. NOW. Precious.

She LOVES her horsey.

Happy and Beautiful...so...happy...and...beautiful!

Out for a walk...she's using my sunglasses as a phone..."heyo? Oma?" :~)

My fave...breakfast Tuesday morning. What a face...what eyes! Isn't she beautiful???

By-the-way...in case you didn't know...Beautiful will meet new cousins this fall. PhotoMom AND Rachigga are having babies. I'm thinking the quiver is about full! :~)

Z-Man is FOUR!!

2009-03-05T09:35:00.004-06:00

I can hardly believe that four years ago, my very first grandchild was born. My FIRST. He was the first one to say "OMA". The most beautiful sound ever in all of the entire world. Really.

And he is as beautiful today as the first time I laid eyes on him. Seriously...isn't he beautiful?

Photomom and Cheerios had a party for him on Sunday...a Greenbay Packer Party. Of course. He looked awesome in number 4. He and his friends played games and we ate that great Packer cake...made by Photomom herself.

This last pic was his first as a Packer fan!

His actual birthday was yesterday. He turned 4 on the 4th. Yup...his golden birthday. We had bar-be-cued chicken sandwiches and chips and more cake. He is just growing so fast. Too fast for Mom and Dad...way too fast for me. Still...I am totally enthralled with his grasp on life. His own little world. He is so smart. And pretty practical. 'Hey, Oma...wanna see my new toy?' He loves Cars...DVD's...playing on the computer and the Wii. He is so smart. Did I say that already? And, really thoughtful! He loves his little sister...he is a wonderful, loving, protective big brother!

I am so excited to see what this new year brings...more growing...new adventures...Happy Birthday, Z-Man...I love you with all of my heart!

2009-02-19T22:52:00.005-06:00

Okay...PhotoMom tagged me in a Picture Game! I am supposed to go into my pictures folder, then into the fourth folder and upload the fourth picture from that folder. So...here goes:

This is Chief and Beautiful. He strapped her on to go out and mow the lawn! It was a hoot!! SO...here, also, is the fourth picture after that one:

It was a beautiful day...a wonderful week...I look forward to this years visit!!

Now, I am supposed to tag people...but I do not know how to do that. I'll try, though!

"Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven."

2009-01-13T15:08:00.004-06:00

Like my new look? Me, too. See that picture? I took it yesterday. It was cold...I was on my way to prayer and this was the second stop-in-the-middle-of-the-road I made on my way.

I love this tree. I see it everytime I take this particular street to get to church. (There are several back-road ways to get to our church...I know them all.) I just thought it was particularly beautiful...raw, naked...a striking contrast against the newly fallen white powdery stuff.

Then I thought...that's the way WE should be. In the world, I mean. As Believers, we should be a striking contrast against the hue of this world; don't you think? Our lives should be readily seen from a distance, much like this tree, it should stand out; cause people to take a second look after that first glance. We should be turning heads.

I am finding myself struggling with standing out. With becoming a risk taker. I cringe at the thought of another rejection, at the sight of a really puzzled look or the sound of someone giggling at my words or actions. That blank stare as I am speaking about something I am passionate about...no one "catching the vision".

There was a time in my life when it REALLY mattered if what I did met the approval of someone I was trying to impress. And I was ALWAYS trying to impress SOMEONE. That was a different time. A far away place I thought I had traveled past. Apparently not. Maybe I was just on really big turnstyle. A circle I never noticed. Now it dawns on me that the one person I should be trying to "impress" is Jesus. Just Jesus. Like the saying goes: I am singing for "an audience of ONE."

Yeah...way back when it was about my singing. Sometimes it still is...when I hear little comments not really meant for my ears, or comments directed at me which should have been worded differently. Creative people can be so sensitive sometimes! :~)

So...I look at this tree...gnarled, thick bark which protects the tender rings of growth; standing firm in the middle of an open field facing the elements of winter and standing tall and strong. I see a beautiful God-creation...with scars...with imperfections...just what God intended me to see...His beauty against a barren world. That's how we impress the masses...standing strong against the elements of this world, our Godly armor protecting the tender rings of growth in our lives, planted on a firm foundation...a stark contrast against the chaos of this world.

I need to stand out. I need to take risks. And I will. I am. For an audience of One. To reach an audience of many.

My Soul Doth Magnify the Lord...

2008-11-28T20:36:00.004-06:00

"Hope…our first Sunday in the season of Advent. Hope means to expect, trust, anticipate, wish or look forward to. It means optimism, and faith. For the past few months, I have gone to sleep and awoken to the last chorus we sang today. “My Soul”. It is from God’s Word, the first two lines from “Mary’s Song” found in Luke 1:46 & 47 (KJV). I know that the Advent season is about the birth of Christ, not about Mary. However, without Mary…let’s take a look at her story:

Luke 1:26 And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,
27 To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary.
28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.
29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.
30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.
31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.
32 He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:
33 And he shall reign over the house of Jacob forever; and of his kingdom, there shall be no end.
34 Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?
35 And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God…
...38 And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.
39 And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda;
40 And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth.
41 And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost:
42 And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.
43 And whence is this to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?
44 For, lo, as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy.
45 And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.
46 And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord,
47 And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.

Mary showed great faith in her obedience to bear God’s One and Only Son. Mary conceived and carried and bore the Hope of this world. The Hope of that generation, the Hope of every generation since; and the Hope of all future generations.

The birth of Christ brings Hope…and Light to a lost and dying world. As we light the first candle in the Advent Wreath this morning, let us remember that the Hope of Christ in our lives begins with obedience and faith."

This is what I am saying in church tomorrow...the first Sunday of Advent. Yes, our church remembers the old tradition. And we remember with great joy and and anticipation.

Although I am actually a creature of change...it energizes me...I love tradition. And Advent is an old Protestant tradition...Catholic...Lutheran...and Assemblies of God, when they choose. And we choose. Our fellow worshipers look forward to the "speeches", the lighting of the candle and the sermons that offer Hope, Love, Joy and Peace for their souls. Sometimes, for their weary souls. We are in the first days of, for some; a very difficult season. It's depressing, overwhelming. Lonely. And it can make a soul weary.

We try to reach out during this time; and for many in our little country church, this tradition brings comfort. Kind of like chocolate or mashed potatoes and gravy. Or spaghetti and ketchup. Hey...don't grimace at me...try it, you might like it.

Anyway...here we are, once again offering comfort and HOPE...encouragement and LOVE...fellowship and JOY...prayer and PEACE.

Have a blessed season...find hope in His birth...love in His life...joy in His fellowship...and peace in His Salvation.

The Bigger Picture...

2008-11-24T13:31:00.004-06:00

...and I am not talking about photography. I'm talking about life. OOO...deep.

Let me begin by going back in time a couple of weeks. November 4. (Oh, sorry, this isn't about politics, either.) Chief and I travelled back home from Virginia this day. We arrived home around 5:15 p.m. Around 6:00 p.m. I got a headache. A BAD headache. Worse than any I have ever had. Ever. And for those of you who know me, know that I suffer (and I do not use that word lightly) with migraines. This was worse. I went to bed at 7:30 p.m.

WHEW...I was better in the morning. Then, another hit Wednesday night. This one was worse, the throbbing...pulsing.

So, the next morning, I thought, "I should get some fresh air...maybe a walk would help." I was one block from the house, then it took me 15 minutes to get back to my front door and into a chair. It subsided, then full force around 3:00, subsided; then I slept in the chair that night. In the morning, I called Doc.

I thought it was my blood pressure and I was a little scared I was going to have a stroke. I got another one as I was walking into the hospital doors, so I had to sit in the foyer until I had the strength and I could reason for about 10 minutes. Doc was wonderful, no waiting, she took me right in. Blood pressure was actually not that bad. 148/80. So, let's give me a pain killer and a muscle relaxer and see if that helps. Wait...let's do one other test really quick "just to check something".

Test reveals a BAD bladder infection (I had no idea...I must be a part of that 5%), so I get some antibiotics...enough to take care of that infection and more in case I have a bad sinus infection. Let's just try that. Okay.

I missed Ladies Bible Study on Saturday because I had the nerve to get dressed (I had to bend down to pull up my pants) and I could barely get down the stairs. Thanks Sis for taking over for me and setting up everything!

I missed church on Sunday because I could barely get out of bed. When I did, I; again, had the nerve to take a shower (bending my head down to wash my hair) and ended up in the chair all day.

The culmination was a trip to the ER Nov 11. The morning was terrible...I cannot really describe it. I actually could not get BFF's Dad out of my thoughts. I was so sick...I felt I kind of had an understanding of his pain that night. I'm sorry. I thought that if I ended up in the bathroom, I was going to die. Chief finally came home, and I ended up in the bathroom. I could only cry...and mumble...and then follow Chief out the door to the ER. They helped me...3 different meds and 4 hours later, I was on my way home, hazy, but better for having been there.

So...there's a BIGGER picture? Yes there is. These were MY headaches. They didn't really effect anyone else but me. They didn't cause wonderment or sorrow or grief to anyone other than myself. But, still, my poor Chief endured all my complaining, all my crying, all my selfishness; and then...

On Friday night, November 14, Chief got a phone call from a man in our church. His wife had gone shopping that afternoon with her daughter and two grandbabies (3 years old and 4 months). She was struck in a mall parking lot by a run-a-way vehicle. She died from her injuries in the ER. She was a friend. She was a wonderful, sweet lady. 46 years old. The 3 year old was in ICU in critical condition. Her daughter and the baby were treated and released. My friend was a wonderful Mom, Wife and Grandmother.

It was a freak accident. A tragic, freak accident.

So, what did I REALLY have to complain about? Okay...seriously, I know the pain I was experiencing was pain, and it effected me, but; "this, too, shall pass". My tiny, little world, this miniscule painful blot in my life could not match this one, single event. It brought some things into clearer view. Time to remove myself from the self-pity rant and get back on track to what's real: why I am really here...to reach out and comfort and encourage my fellow "travellers".

It's not a "bad" thing to focus on our own pain, but there comes a time when we need to stop complaining and look at the bigger picture, and where we are in that picture. For the last 20 days, I have not had a day end without a headache. But, I know it's getting better. I know I can wake up in the morning to my family and my friends. I am blessed, and I need to remember that and live like I am blessed!

So, here it is:

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4

In this life, I am nothing and I am everything. And I am grateful for this journey, headaches and all; that I can help any person in need and that I can believe with all my heart that all of mankind is worthy of comfort and encouragement.

I am going to miss my friend.

It Was Unseasonably Warm...

2008-10-15T09:49:00.005-05:00

Okay, so I am taking pictures most every day. I REALLY need to get out more.

I took this one on Monday...October 13...that's right, OCTOBER. Over the weekend, it was in the 80's. Poor little stick must have thought it was spring, so it bloomed! It is beautiful...and this is my favorite flower of all...in case you didn't know that already.

Not only this, but...

A while ago, Chief brought home these small Maple Tree twigs. He potted them and they were doing pretty well. They grew to be about 6 inches tall. Then he put them on the patio, and the rabbits thought they were cute, too. So they ate them. We had two pots. He gave one to my Mom, and put the other one by the back patio door. Guess what...

Cooooooollll.

A Picture is Worth...

2008-10-07T06:55:00.006-05:00

PhotoMom and her sister challenged each other last month to take photographs every day in the month of September and then post the best photo each day so they could take a gander and maybe critique the photo, in the hopes of honing their gift. "A photo a day in September". A grand idea...and I am stealing it. :~) Except that it is now 7 days into October, I will have to begin today and end...well, I guess I don't really have to end it, do I??

It does seem that everyone and their brother is taking pictures these days. Oh, I don't mean a snapshot...I mean photographs. Finding the beauty in every day life...rather haphazardly clicking the button and finding incredibly beautiful photographs by chance. I LOVE that!

My father (yes, the one I NEVER talk about) was a photographer. Probably one of the maybe THREE things he ever did that was good in his life. Anyway...he was really good at it. I remember when I was a little girl, he taught a 4-H class (remember 4-H club??) on photography and I was enthralled by all of it. The camera, the film, the Polaroid picture...you could see the picture in MINUTES after taking it! Funny ha-ha.

It was more than that. It was the image. What you saw through the view-finder...the lens...you "captured" it forever. And for real. "The camera doesn't lie". Amen to that. It sees the reality of life. The rarity. The imperfections. The raw beauty. And it doesn't matter if it's black and white or color...it's there. All of it.

So, maybe I will be walking around with a camera around my neck for the next month or so. Photomam took lots of pics of Z-man and Flower...I think I will be out there in the world, capturing nature.

Here are a couple I took just this morning...at 6:45 a.m. It sure was beautiful to the naked eye...and this is one of those times when "a picture just couldn't do it justice". I guess that's the whole purpose of the excersise...to hone the gift. If it is a gift...

Sunrise one and two:

This is a Weird Post...

2008-09-02T07:12:00.004-05:00

Well...hello there! How are you? Me? I'm fine. No really. I'm fine!

It's September. Another year has gone by and I hardly noticed. I barely had a chance to blink. (Oh, I know it's not the beginning of a new year, per se, I still view life throught the eyes of a teacher...the new year begins in September.) So many activities. Where DID that time go? Weddings, showers, vacations, get-together barbeques, new minstry opportunities, blah, blah, blah.

Now it's time to hunker-down and get to work. In my house. In my Ministry. In my hobbies. In my life. What do I want to see different in my life from last year? Well, every year for MANY years, I have answered this question with these words:

I want to simplify my life.

I have never quite accomplished that goal. Maybe it's because I can't define "simplify". Maybe it's because I can't "let go" of things...like control or old knick-knacks. What in the WORLD do I need to do to get this ONE THING done?!!?!?

Excuse me...what? What did you say? Prioritize? What does that even mean? Okay...I'll stop with the sarcasm. For a minute.

I do need to choose something. Something that will help me be a better person. A better wife. A better friend. A better Mom. Daughter...Sister...Aunt. A better...well, just better. Something that will help me grow. Relax. (Oh wait, I have already retired, so relaxing is like an every day occurance...sorry.) Something, then, that will keep my mind nimble. My head clear. My hands from becoming idle. I want to keep my eyes sharp...I want to dig deeply. I want to keep my heart full...I want to have a vision.

So, I pick...oh my word...I have no clue. What I want does not line up with SIMPLIFY. Well, then... here MAY BE what I am looking for:

I am looking for:

Something that is
Interesting and
Meaningful.
Pleasant; and can make me
Laugh once in awhile. Something that's
Intriguing, yet
Fun. And can help me stay and feel
Young.

Cool. Now, I just need to find it.

I Like it...I Like it a Lot!

2008-08-18T08:36:00.033-05:00

So, I thought it was time for a new look. It's been, what, 4 or 5 months since I've changed the face of my blog...an eternity in blogger-land! And I DO wait a very long time between blogs...so I have been told. I changed the template about thirty times until I liked what I saw...simple and just the right green. My fave, you know.

Then I changed my title element. The picture. I played with it a little...then I adjusted the tone...then I placed it OVER my title and description. Hmmm...now no one will know "where they are". No title. Then it was back to make a copy of the picture, bring it up in the Navigator, and "oh cool, I can add text" lightbulb...and VOILA...a new title element! I like it. I like it a lot.

Still...this in not the REAL reason I am blogging today. Of course it's not! See the new picture? That's right...that's why.

What a beautiful day Rachigga and Prince Charming had for their wedding day! It WAS B-E-A-U-TIFUL! the weather was perfect...the Bride was perfect...the Groom was perfect. It was the perfect story-book wedding day. Seriously. It was touching and funny and precious and awesome. It was...amazing. Chief looked especially handsome in those Chief Dress Chokers and her girls were stunning and comfortable. The girls are like MY girls. I love them all dearly. The guys...well...let me just say I was never more impressed with a group of groomsmen. They were respectful and an absolute riot to be around! We laughed and joked and really had a great time with all of them. Thanks guys! Z-man...Flower...Beautiful...New York...Bright Eyes...amazingly well behaved and obviously proud and happy to share in the celebration!

My babies are now all married with babies of their own. All married. Weird. All over 21. All with spouses and children. Spouses. And children. Man...I am LOVING this.

Really? No...REALLY! I am so very proud of my children. Their lives. The people whom they have chosen to live with forever. Their love for their children. Their maturity. Their understanding. Their camaraderie. The love they ALL share for their precious Savior...a common thread many families cannot say they share...altogether. We all share much the same goals in life...all of us...and we do not have difficulty with one another if the implementation of those goals differ from time to time. Our "differences" make us a stronger family. We are protective of one another...and still do not stand in the way of one another. It's almost scary how dysfunctionally functional we are! I think I may need to look that up...can I use those two word in a sentence NEXT to one another?? HMMMMM....

I love US! This family...no matter how far we physically move from each other...is close. And we like it that way. Look at their faces. Smiling...not just for the camera...because they WANTED to be smiling. It was a smiley day! And beautiful...inside AND out. Happy and content. Inside AND out. It makes THIS Oma very proud...very proud indeed.

Here is Rachigga and her awesome photographer...HEY that's STEVIE! (yes...I said it.)

Isn't she beautiful?

A New Couple...

Brother and Sisters...

Moms and Dad...

Precious...

The most beautiful Flowergirl dresses EVER...thanks BFF!!

Little Man...Z-man!

Slow dancing Flower...

Just because I thought this was ADORABLE!

A New Family...

"I'd rather have a minute of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

2008-08-01T15:09:00.006-05:00

I ran into an old friend today. Well, I didn't actually RUN INTO her, we met each other in an aisle at Hobby Lobby...and she's really not old...per se...anyway...

She looks incredible. Her hair is growing back all curly and her face was beaming with joy. She shared some things with me in that aisle that caused me to ponder a little about life. Because hers could have been cut short. Because hers has been filled with much turmoil and sacrifice. Because hers is lived in the present...in the "now" so to speak. And there she was, in the middle of one of my fave places, telling me about how awesome God has been to her these last 10 years. Telling me about scripture that God gave to her personally, June 2, 1998. About how on June 2, 2008...10 long years later, that same scripture just happened to be her devotion for that day. How she couldn't have ever fathomed in her wildest imagination that God would have brought her full circle. To remind her of His sovereign will for her life. To remind her that He is in control. To remind her she need not worry...or fret...or wonder EVER if He loved her and had her life in the very center of His hands.

It was wonderful to see her. Beaming with joy. And that just caused me to ponder...to remind ME.

(From which movie will you hear my title?)

18 Days...But Who's Counting?

2008-07-20T22:01:00.006-05:00

"Tomorrow was a lifetime away, now suddenly it's here.

How did it happen so quickly? This wedding drawing near.

How can I act so happy? How can I act so gay?

When in such a very short time, I'll give my daughter away.

I wish I could grasp a moment, and make the clock stand still

So I could let my heart catch up, but I know it never will.

All the worries of being a parent, all the battles won,

No one ever warned me about the day the job is done.

Yet, there is another side, where my heart is not as sad.

When I look in my daughter's eyes, I can't help but be joyful and glad.

This day she has dreamt about, for just about all her life.

She's going to be such a beautiful bride and a loving, caring wife.

I'll stand with the congregation as my daughter walks down the aisle

And even though there are tears in my eyes, my face will bear a smile.

For I know that I was very blessed when God lent this child to me,

To love and care for and nurture, so she would grow up to be

This lovely, bright young woman, who tomorrow will be a bride;

And as always I will be there, with love, at my daughter's side." ~~Linda Jo

Okay...so the wedding is still about three weeks out. And there is much to do. Still...there's time. I found this poem online on a fluke, and I was touched by it's simplicity. Then, I realized, I could have written it myself.

You know the wedding is not about the Groom (sorry, Prince Charming), or the Bridesmaids. It's not about the flowers or the food or the dancing. And it's not about the Mom. It's about the Bride. And it's about her Dad. Seriously. You do not hear the words "oh, this is going to be so difficult for her Mom...letting her go." You hear that about her Dad. How when it's his cue to "give" her to her intended, he clutches her arm a little tighter and then releases her ever so reluctantly. How hard it is on Dad. Letting go...his little girl.

There's the father and his baby girl, standing at the opening of the church sanctuary, waiting for their cue; then, he's walking his daughter down the aisle...all eyes are on her...as they SHOULD be...and everyone watches and murmurs how beautiful she looks, how breathtakingly beautiful, and they all wonder how Dad can keep his composure.

"Who gives this woman to be with this man?"

"Her mother and I do," he proudly states. (How precious that he would include the woman who birthed her!)

The father walks her down the aisle...the father gives her away...and of course, there's the infamous father-daughter dance.

It's not about the Mom. It's like...there IS no Mom. Not on THIS day.

Well let me tell you all something. There is a Mom. A Mom who is more than willing to watch from a pew...to light an unseen candle...to pray an unspoken prayer...to wait about two full days before she crys uncontrollably that she just watched her baby...her last child...marry the man of her dreams. A Mom who takes the call that there will be six more added at the last minute for the sit-down dinner. A Mom who stays up through the night praying everything and everyone is content. A Mom who would make four different lists of people attending the "wedding of the century". Who would spend hours making a guest book her baby could have just as easily bought in a store. Who would plan...and spend...and cry...and laugh...and love...and pray...all for one child.

A Mom who loves her baby more than her own life. The planning of this wedding has shown me one thing. I love my children. I love the people they have chosen to marry. To live with forever. To stand and tell their intended:

"From this day forward,
You shall not walk alone.
My heart will be your shelter,
And my arms will be your home."

I love you, Rachigga...and all I have to say is this:

I hope that DJ can play some really good dancing music...and bring on that cake! :~)

No Rest For the Weary...

2008-06-25T00:46:00.001-05:00

It has been an incredibly busy few weeks...and there is no rest in sight. Seriously. I am up late because I can't sleep...I am exhausted, but I toss and turn...trying to force my eyes closed...force my mind to be silent. Not working. How long is this going to go on? I know it cannot last forever...but; it sure seems like it could. I just do not see the proverbial light at the end of this very LONG tunnel.

Sometimes...I really hate being a woman. I hate this whole change of life thing. Didn't Christ come to cover the sin? Shouldn't the curse of Eve have been irradicated? Wishful thinking, huh? Seriously, though. This, like, totally bites. :~)

Okay...a little graphic here...I will try to keep it mellow for the weaker mindset. Two weeks on...one week off. Four weeks on...one week off. And now we begin another cycle...exactly how long this time will last is beyond me. But I can tell you it is certainly frustrating me to no end. I just want to cry. No...weep. My sweet daughters...their response: poor Dad. Probably because I have said that I feel awful for him. I know that "lack of intimacy" frustrates him. And he has been fairly okay with that. Inside joke.

After I started yet ANOTHER cycle this afternoon...I no longer feel sorry for him. I just do not have the energy to feel guilty that...well...for lack of a better terminology...he's not getting any. I AM EXHAUSTED. I WANT TO CRY ALL THE TIME. I BLEED FOR DAYS AND DAYS ON END. I AM EXHAUSTED. (Did I say that already?) "You should go and see the doctor." "Isn't there something you can take for that?" Oh my word. I am REALLY trying to NOT be a nag...to NOT be (sorry) bitchy. To understand that this is not helping him with his...tension. I don't have time to see a doctor. I have a house to clean...laundry to do...grandkids to watch...worship to plan...food to buy...meals to cook...a bridal shower in a week...a "vacation" to go on...a wedding to organize. I am just a little busy right now. AND...I am behind on a couple of the most important things to do for the wedding! I have bills to pay...friends to see...prayers to pray...children to love...grandchildren to spoil...a husband to adore. I am just a little busy right now.

I so need writing. It is so theraputic. Isn't it? It just helps put things into perspective. Sometimes. I am still weepy...but I know that this too shall pass. I am on another cycle...but hopefully...prayerfully...it won't last as long as the last one. SO I probably won't get to go to the pool on vacation...but I will be with all my kids and three of my grandkids. My family is so very tolerant of me. I am still seriously tired. In my body...my mind...my spirit...in my bones. I don't know what I need. But, I do know that whining about it certainly won't keep it from happening.

And...I do so love my husband. He is quite patient...and kind...and he's "okay with that".

Your Love...

2008-06-24T10:01:00.006-05:00

...is Extravagant. It means overgenerous...excessive. How incredibly extravagant God's love is for me...how overgenerous He is to me. Moving to the rhythm of His grace. One of my fave choruses. Photomom (do you like your new name??) and I were discussing this chorus the other day...which is the prompt for this blog.

"Your love is extravagant...Your friendship it is intimate.
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place,
Cause Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is a love that covers sin.
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me Your friend...
You captured my heart again."

When I was the Music Ministry advisor at CLS, we did this song several times. We did it before I took that position. One day someone said to me that they really hated that song because it was so sexually suggestive. We were asked not to do the song again. We didn't. (Well...until our sound guy moved away and he picked it when he lead for his last chapel. Oops.) Then we never did it again. Because I was obedient. Period.

I am no longer in that position and this is still a chorus that moves me. It speaks to me. It's truthful. It's real. It's simple. God is all things to man. To woman. I do not see or hear the complete sexual connotation here. Our friendship with Christ is supposed to be more intimate than any other relationship in our lives. He is the Bride Groom...we our his Bride for crying out loud. That should bring you great joy. Pleasure...and not in a gutter-minded kind of way. We're talking about GOD! The Husband to the widow, the Father to the father-less. It's a promise. It's HIS promise. I want to be captured by Him. To be loved by Him. To be filled with Him.
My secret place is reserved only for Christ. His Holy Spirit. My Father in heaven. My closet...where I find peace and strength to meet each and everyday.

Why is the thought of it so taboo?? The choice of words? The way they are strung together? My mind is open here, people. Explain it to me. Why is the thought of intimacy reserved for physical pleasure alone? To know me intimately does not mean I have been physical with you. It means you know me...my heart...my mind...my deepest desires for my life, my family. You know my secrets. And no one can know me as Christ knows me. Ever. In any way. He knit me together in my mother's womb...how much more secret can you get than that? And if every word in God's Word is breathed by Him...then he wrote The Song of Songs. God IS a physical God. My God brings me joy...pleasure...complete and meant for me. Don't even get me started on the Fragrance of God! The Fragrance of the Holy Spirit. Intoxicating. Shouldn't it be??? Exciting...invigorating... stimulating...exhillarating...fascinating... enthralling. That's what our worship should be TO HIM! A sweet fragrance floating heavenward for His pleasure.

So, before we tear down a chorus because it doesn't meet the standards created by a few people, listen to it. Absorb it. Allow it to speak to you. If you don't like it...so be it. No biggie. I am a defender, right or wrong, to the writing of music that causes you to think...moves you to take some kind of action. Causes a stirring of the pot, so to speak. This is one that gets you discussing the awesome love of the Creator for His Creation and what that love means. I think the writer did his job quite well. The singer (Casting Crowns is the one I listen to) expresses it with feeling.

We will do this song in our little church in the Grove. Someday. Soon.

"Fouetté, Fouetté, Fouetté, Fouetté; then turn and sell it with a look..."

2008-06-06T13:47:00.008-05:00

Here I am, itching to write something. ANYTHING. And I cannot think of one topic to start me off. Weird. The need to share and nothing in this brain to complete the task. So, maybe, I think to myself, if I just start typing, something will come to me. Something. Wait...wait...no. Not yet. Hmmm...then again...

Did you ever wonder why some people have the gift and others do not? Like writing...singing... speaking...teaching...whatever. Or dancing. That gift of movement. I'm not talking about clubbing...I'm talking about MOVEMENT...someone who dances with a grace that can touch me emotionally or spiritually. I do not have this gift. This talent. But...I love it. I cannot get enough of the visual aspect of the grace, the poise, the beauty. Ultimate in form and precision. Incredible in passion and in power.

Okay, I am going to (actually with no shame at all) admit that I am a "So You Think You Can Dance" fan. Or fanatic. Whatever. These dancers and choreographers MOVE me. Literally. I want to jump with them. Crunk with them. Pop with them. Swing with them. Arabesque...Brisé...Arrière. I can honestly say that although I LOVE all the styles I see portrayed on the show, I LOVE Contemporary. It's beautiful. It speaks to me. I can see the story. I can feel the energy, the passion, the power. And it is powerful. And passionate.

A little deeper, now. Watching these beautiful movements, for me, I find the same feeling I get when I am truly worshiping. No lie! Because worship is passion. It has it's own power, it's own beauty. When I am completely enveloped in the passion and power of worship...when I am near or in the Throne room...I am moved, touched, completely enthralled by what I see...by what I feel. I never want it to end.

It's a gift I perfect at every opportunity. I read about it...I teach on it...I practice it continually. My face is always longing to be in His Face! I can imagine it's that way for a dancer. The "high" of the "performance" is genuine. It's exhilarating. It causes my spirit to want more. To dig deeper.

What makes YOU excited? What challenges YOU to want more? What trips YOUR trigger, so to speak? This enquiring mind wants to know.

Now, my title is a quote...not from a MOVIE...but from a television show (appropriate considering a television show is what actually prompted this blog)...do you know which one? And, even better, if you DO know which one, do you remember which episode?? AAAHHH...the challenge of it all!

Happy Birthday Rachigga...

2008-05-14T12:40:00.018-05:00

23 years ago today...at 9:00 in the morning, I gave birth to my beautiful Angel Girl. I have nicks for all my kids...Cheerios for the son, Baby Girl for our middle daughter (Happy) and, Angel Girl for Rachigga. (So...why not use THOSE nicks for this blog??? IDK...maybe because they are MY nicks for them and I don't want to share that with anyone.)

ANYWAY...my littlest...my youngest...my Angel Girl. Beautiful from the first moment I laid eyes on her...she absolutely captured my heart. She brought me incredible joy...still does.

I have included many pictures...mostly because I just uploaded so many for a DVD project they are fresh in my mind...trust me, there could be more, but I don't want to embarrass the poor girl!

Rachigga was a really awesome baby. Didn't cry much...seemed pretty content in her own little baby-world. Little did we know that my little Angel was NOT doing that well. When she was about 2 months old, my sis-in-law noticed she was really skinny and suggested we have her checked out "just because". So...we did. The doctor took one look at her tiny body and she was immediately concerned for this precious little baby. The results of the initial testing was grim...a potentially fatal liver condition. Her liver had simply stopped functioning. They warned us the rest of testing may bring more bad news. They took more blood and prepared it for a lab in Ohio. Chief and I were afraid, as most young parents would be. We could be on the cusp of losing our precious Angel Girl. We brought her to church and told PD right away. There was a Healing Ministry coming to our church that weekend "The Power Team", and when PD called Chief to bring Rachigga forward, their massive hands enveloped our tiny girl and healing began immediately. Those tests were sent out on Friday and the results were to be in on Monday. When we went in on Monday...a miracle...according to her Doctor. She was not going to die...she was in desperate need of calories and so I stopped nursing her and started her on formula. God healed my precious baby. Thus the nick...Angel Girl. She was guarded...protected, no doubt about it and we knew it. Even though there were consequenses to her inability to process calories right away, we knew she would be all right. Some physical therapy and the right formula and my Angel was back on track and growing and becoming the woman she is today. We know God has an incredible plan for this beautiful, young woman...a woman after His own heart!

Beautiful. Precious. Gifted. Understanding. Kind. Compassionate. Funny. Incredibly funny. One of the most Godly women I know. Her heart is as big as an ocean.

A wonderful Aunt.

A tender sister.

A perfect daughter.

A "forever" friend.

I love her incredibly and I am so excited for her to become a wife and a mother. Which she will be doing in exactly 84 days.

Happy Birthday, Angel Girl.

Happy Mother's day...TO ME!

2008-05-10T18:54:00.005-05:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Okay..this should PROBABLY be a Mother's Day post about my Mom. Sorry...it's about ME! I never really thought I was a GREAT Mom, but, let me tell you...my kids are GREAT parents! They all have GREAT kids! And I had the HONOR of keeping two of those grandkids overnight for the first time EVER!

It was a great Friday and Saturday. Z-man and Flower were funny and wonderful and a little whiney and beautiful and perfect all rolled into one! We watched two different episodes of "Wonder Pets" (This is sewweeeious!) four different times. And Little Bear and Dora and The Bee Movie. We had Mac and Cheese with Strawberries for dinner and waffles and strawberries for breakfast. We played outside and we laughed while they climbed and "fell" off the couches and they ran the "circle" of the house over and over and over...oh yeah, and we took naps. Funny. Zech really didn't take a "nap" per se (Saturday)...he stayed up in his room and played with his cars and sang...something...and then came downstairs and sat with me on the foot of the recliner couch for two hours while we watched Little Bear. He was quiet and quite comfortable. Opa snored on the couch! :~) Lily slept almost 4 hours. Then Mom and Dad came and took them home. It was an awesome treat for Mother's Day...who'd'a thunk???

Of course...we didn't take any pictures of ME with he kids...we always manage to FORGET to do that. We have lots with Opa, Oma is usually BEHIND the camera...oh well...enjoy!

Dig that crazy hair!

Coconut...one of my FAVES!

2008-05-07T13:39:00.006-05:00

Don't let the title confuse you...this is not about food. Sorry :~)

Once in a while I get these "surveys' from well-meaning friends that ask the same questions that the LAST survey asked which was sent by the same well-meaning friends. Once in a while, one of the questions is: "What are you listening to right now?" Usually every one's answers are the same...music...the click-clack of my keyboard while I type...the kids in the other room...blah, blah, blah.

I am listening to my Myspace Standalone Player. On this particular player (I have three...for now) are songs from my childhood/teen years. The Eagles...The Archies...The Partrige Family...Jack Jones...The Mama's and the Papa's...Queen...Bobby Sherman...you should hear some of these oldies but goodies...if only for the nostalgia. You can check it out...I'll wait. http://www.myspace.com/jcsings4him

I am so wrapped up in music. I love it. I have written about music before, how it can soothe the mind and refresh the soul. I have a particularily eccentric taste in music. I love it all...mostly. Not too keen on banging my head for no apparent reason...seems painful to me.

Usually, when I write about how music moves me, I can apply some spiritual application to it...but today, I am just in love with the music. Not how it applies to my life or that God created it for my pleasure. I am just in need of hearing it today. Kind of like the flowers on the bush in my front yard. I just want to look at their beauty...not examine their place in my spiritual walk. And seeing as how I can't really post a picture of the music, I will give you one of my pretty little flowers.

I guess I just want people to take the time to just listen to the melody and how it blends with the harmony...feel how the rhythm moves you to dance...or sway...or breathe. Relax...rest...close your eyes and let the music bring you to a place of peace...or heighten your sense of complete joy...sing along...LOUDLY...dance...act silly...be serious...whatever! "Cause I get a peaceful, easy feelin', and I know you won't let me down, cause I'm already standin' on the ground!"

Come on...SING WITH ME!

Oh Happy Day...

2008-04-27T17:51:00.013-05:00

That's right...Happy was here with Beautiful for FOUR WHOLE DAYS! Extraordinary days. I have missed them SO MUCH. We had fun, too. The fam and friends here at the house for dinners, blowing bubbles outside in the 20-mile-an-hour winds, chalk lines in my driveway, laughing, crying, talking, eating, whispering, planning, silence...it was the perfect weekend. I certainly miss my baby-girl and her baby-girl, but the time was...again...perfect. Sharing pictures: (LOTS of pictures...sorry)

At the house: At lunch at Olive garden on Sunday...

New York...

Flower...Bright Eyes...Happy...Happy and Rachigga...you get the idea...

Okay...so there you have it...pretty much anyway! Thanks Nascar for letting my Happy and Beautiful come and visit us. Until July...

The Trainmaster...

2008-04-10T11:55:00.003-05:00

This is my Dad. He's cool. He is also really sick right now. I couldn't let one more day pass without telling everyone how much I care about this man. Okay...he is not my BIOLOGICAL father...but he is still my Dad! He married my Mom WAY back 25 years ago. We were all pretty happy about that.

Even before he married my Mom, he was an important part of my life. He made my Mom happy...that counted for something in my book (whatever THAT is). And when my own BIOLOGICAL father wouldn't come to my wedding, he so graciously agreed to be the one who had the honor of giving me away to my husband. And, just so you know...that IS an honor. He gave me advice, and made the day very special for me. And he really loved Chief.

Our relationship has grown over the last 27 years (that's how long I have been married) and he has always been there for me and for my little family. My kids call him Papa...and so do my grandkids. And he treats us all as if we were of his own flesh and blood.

So...Trainmaster...you mean the world to me, and I love you incredibly. I am praying for your absolute recovery...quick and sure and complete. Thank you for always being there for me and for my family. Thank you for your incessant stories and your love for life! Rest in knowing you are lifted before our Father in Heaven who adores YOU. In the words of Rachigga and Happy..."POPS...you Rock!"

...With a Grateful Heart.

2008-03-29T17:06:00.003-05:00

A lack-a-dasical Saturday...sounds enticing, doesn't it? Oh Yeah.

Okay...envision this:

You had company over for dinner last night, so the house is pretty clean. Your wonderful hubby cleaned up the kitchen and did the dishes while you did the last two days of your Bible Study at 7:00 this morning. Home from Bible Study (which was wonderful) around 2:00 and you had a little lunch. You're comfortable. Now look...over there in that corner...a bottle of water, the remote control, the telephone, a cozy blanket and a little pillow all strategically placed around that recliner with your name on it. Ahhhh...HGTV here I come. Well, at least for about twenty minutes...then...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

I show you this comfortable, cozy little picture for no other reason than I really wanted to just write it all out. While I was in my quiet little zzzz-world, I dreamt about this blog. Weird, huh? I was actually thinking about the Bible Study this morning and the teaching for next week. Give Thanks With a Grateful Heart.

Our speaker (you know who you are!) asked us this question: "think of 5 things you are thankful for". We didn't need to speak them outloud, just that we should think of them. My immediate thought was: "I am so thankful for my family. My husband, my children, my grandchildren. I am thankful for my home. I am thankful for my precious friends (you know who you are, too!). I am overwhelmingly thankful for my new church home. I am incredibly thankful for my salvation. Not bad just off the top of my head, if I do say so myself.

Afterwards, we went to see Cheerios, BDILE, (I need a cooler name for you...help me!) Z-man and Flower. Precious!! We tickled and laughed and played with Moon Sand...very cool stuff. I always love the time I get to spend with them...they all make my heart smile. I DID say I was thankful for them! That is one of the reasons why.

Then, home...another one of the things that popped into my head of thankful thoughts.

All of those things were perfectly fine things. Big things. Things EVERYONE would have thought. So...while I am zzzz-ing, I could see in my mind...in that place between sleep and awake where you can hear what's happening around you, but can't really, physically respond...the empty recliner. The water. The remote. The phone. That blanket. I could hear..."aren't you thankful for these things, too?"

Oh my word...YES. For the absolute tiniest thing in my life...I am words-cannot-describe-it thankful. Teacher touched on it for a moment today..."Lord, thank you for that tree...thank you for the melting snow...thank you for my radio..." Things that may never enter your mind when someone asks you that random question: "what are YOU thankful for?"

My recliner on a lack-a-dasical Saturday afternoon in a clean house with a great old movie and a bottle of water. Nothing better to do but...ZZZZZZZZZ...

So, tell me, what are YOU thankful for?

Maybe I need a letter...

2008-03-10T13:44:00.005-05:00

Chief preached a sermon yesterday on Timothy. Unfortunately, this post isn't about his wonderful sermon (sorry, honey). And it was wonderful!

It just got me to thinking about the letter itself. No one writes like that anymore. Actually, I'm not sure if anyone BUT Paul wrote like that. A letter of utter encouragement and discipline. Altogether in one shot. Like the letters to the Hebrews (really, it's not for certain that Paul is the author of this letter, but for this blog, let's just assume he is), the Ephesians, the Philippians, Titus, the Galatians...you get the idea...who writes like that? Still...think about it. Wouldn't you like to write something that profound? Have anyone in mind?

Isn't there someone in your circle of family or friends who could use a good "letter"? Do you have the hutzpah? Why are we so afraid to speak the truth to those we honestly love? When in the world did we get so tolerant of the sin around us? I guess "in the world" would be the key phrase here. Jesus...Peter...Paul...James...John...they were not so tolerant. Truth abounds in their words and in their writings. We hear it preached to us from the pulpit...and we nod our heads in agreement. We may even say an "amen" or two. We MAY even shout out a "PREACH IT" once in a while when it hits us directly. BUT...are we willing to BE the one writing the letter we listen to on Sunday morning?

Are we willing to stand on God's principles to reach out to that family member who is really happy, but is, in the long run, hurting themselves? Are we willing to speak truth into that person's life? "LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart" Psalm 15:1-2 Certainly WE are not blameless. On the contrary, we are about as imperfect as any creature could be, but, as a Believer, it is our responsiblity to not tolerate sin. To be loving in our rebuke...and we DO need to rebuke when it's necessary.

Tolerance. Where is THAT in God's Word? Yep...I found it. Romans 2:3-5 says this: "So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed."

This passage is not talking about OUR tolerance, but GOD'S tolerance. Does God tolerate sin? Absolutely not. Should we? No. We should not. We should live our lives realizing God's kindness towards us...which leads us to repentance...which leads us to His grace and mercy...which leads us to His ultimate gift of salvation.

Should we, maybe, be writing a letter to OURSELVES? Probably. But I think we do an injustice to those we profess we love when we tolerate the sin in which they live. Oh please...don't get all high and mighty on me and believe for one minute that you will not be judged for your indifference to a loved ones blatant blasphemy you disguise as tolerance of their life style. "Everyone has a RIGHT to believe any way they choose." You are also saying "Everyone has the RIGHT to live for eternity in Hell...I am going to heaven, why should I care?"

This was actually a difficult blog for me. Undoubtedly because I am the worst offender of apathetic tolerance. It's been on my mind for the past week or so. Because of the book I am reading on Humility by Andrew Murray. How can I put on the humility of Christ when I am blatantly aware of my sin? I can't. I can only trust that each and every day when I come before my Father and I repent, I mean it and He forgives me. Completely. We need to share that with those who live in tolerance. God does not, cannot, will not TOLERATE sin. Any sin. As humans, we put a "degree" on sins committed...but God is clear when He says "the wages of SIN is death." BDILE actually shared a message about this very thing in our Bible study Saturday morning...I should thank her for her words of discipline and encouragement...THANK YOU!

So...for all of you that actually READ my blogs...(thank you, by-the-way) I am the one who needs a letter...any takers?

The Ride of a Lifetime...

2008-03-03T09:51:00.001-06:00

I am so blessed to have good friends and family who "understand" me! At least they want to understand me...and that means so much to me.

It's been a rollercoaster ride, this life of mine, and there have been many riders along the way. Some keep coming back for more thrills...spills...excitement! And, still, some only ride once. Maybe twice.

Personally...I don't like rollercoasters. They make me sick. Ironic, isn't it? When you think of your life, in general, do you think of a carnival ride? Or a quiet beach...a serene snow-covered mountain...a parade...a fire-works display...insert-adjectives-here? There have been times when my life was serene, but...seriously, I cannot think of any time my life was serene, that doesn't mean those times did not exist for me. They are just not prevelant in my mind right now.

Today, my life is...well, for lack of a bigger-better word...good. Can you relate? UGH...I digress...this is about rollercoasters. Really.

When you first get on a rollercoaster, you are strapped in tightly (you know, so you won't FALL OUT AND DIE WHEN YOU SPEED THROUGH THE LOOP-DE-LOOP UPSIDE-DOWN!) and once the car is full, you SLOWLY begin your ascent up that REALLY steep grade. Close to the top of this climb, you are looking forward and there is nothing there. Just sky. Your stomach is already flipping over in anticipation. Then the slightest hesitation at the very top and DOWN-DOWN-DOWN you go curving around sideways, upside-down, sideways again, upside-down again...then ANOTHER slow climb up. DOWN-DOWN-DOWN...sideways...upside-down...sideways...up...down...up...down...all the while EVERYONE around you is screaming! Frantically. Then...after what seems to be an eternity of screaming and tears and fear and thrills and would-someone-please-stop-this-thing-so-I-can-get-off fright, it's over. In a moment. Literally. All of that happens in about 5 minutes.

Oh, come on...you knew life was like that! Didn't you? You're born...you blink...you die. A little morbid, yes, but, true nonetheless.

So...even though rollercoasters in REAL life make me sick...I am happy to be on one right now. And I couldn't be more pleased with my passengers! It's really been a great ride and I wouldn't have wanted it to be any different. Sometimes the coaster needs some repair, and I am grateful for mechanics who know what they are doing so my ride is safe for all who climb that steep grade with me.

Thanks for stopping by...maybe NEXT time my life will seem like that serene mountain top. Who knows? BUT...the only way to find out is to keep stopping by...admission is free and the view is fabulous!

Take a ride with me...

"Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on its smiling face a dream... of spring. Ciao."

2008-02-21T14:48:00.003-06:00

Wow...what has happened to everyone? Has the winter doldrums taken it's toll??? No one is blogging anymore! I remember when I would rush into this computer room at the very glimpse of a sunrise to check everyone's latest post.

Now...I drag myself out of bed...then go BACK to bed (because I CAN!) and sometime around noon-something, I take a look at the computer and sigh "nah...not today."

I certainly cannot say that I have blogged for blogging sake, but, I do wish I would get the "blogger-bug" once again. My mind is a cooler full of slush. No, really!

My AZ friends will certainly have something to say about this...I still love my WI home, but I am seriously bored with the below-zero-white-stuff. Easter is a scant 4 weeks away and I do believe it could be a white one at that. (Hmmm...just like LAST year and it was in APRIL.)

ANYWAY...how about some reading material?? Anyone out there care to rev up the old blog?? I'll be waiting...and checking...

(And btw...my title is a quote from what movie??) :~)

Pride Goeth Before the Fall...

2008-02-05T11:21:00.000-06:00

...and I am falling. Not too happy about that. So, here's the thing: I am involved in this great study on Humility. As a Believer...and I AM a Believer...it is the purpose of my life to be more like Christ everyday. To be more like Christ. 100% God...100% Man who walked this earth in perfect, unblemished humility. Whose life was the epitome, the absolute embodiment of humility. Me...100% man. To be like Him. A goal too lofty, too difficult to attain. I know it...you know it...still; I strive for it. Knowing I will fail. Because I am 100% MAN!

I haven't really thought about being unable to attain a life like His, until I was faced with my own incredible guilt and pride...two things tucked away in the deepest, darkest chambers of my obviously worn out, dusty old heart. And I just want to THANK my sisters for helping make it this real by having the audacity to invite me to pray for my "old" home. Please, I say this tongue-in-cheek, do not get the idea I think praying is ludacris. Ridiculous maybe...ludacris, no. Oops...sorry, there I go again.

I had believed that my hurt poor-poor-pitiful-me feelings for this place had long vanished. Obviously those wounds were just hiding in those chambers I talked about before. Just waiting to be ripped open, raw and vulnerable. I don't WANT to pray for someone who hurt me. Who left me...forgotten and floundering in an unknown land of new ministry without a shred of respect. "Not even a kiss my foot or have an apple!" Hurt by my old home. Disrespected. Barren. Afraid. Vulnerable.

And if that wasn't bad enough...my NEW home thought I was evil. All of me. They didn't teach us this Pastor's wives school...oh wait, I didn't GO to school. Silly me.

Okay, here it is: PRIDE: 1. a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. 2. the state or feeling of being proud.
3. a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.

BAD PRIDE. BAD BAD Pride! This IS the pride we are discussing in the study. Not the GOOD pride: PRIDE and joy: someone or something cherished, valued, or enjoyed above all others. That's what WE are to God. Our Heavenly Father. His pride and joy. The apple of His eye. Right? SOMEONE say yes.

There are a few definitions to the word pride. Look it up. :~) There is only one definition of the word HUMILITY: the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

So...the idea of regarding myself as less than those around me (known or unknown) is not a foreign concept to me. I KNOW I am less. So, when I SAY I have "forgiven" a hurt against me, WHY do I allow pride to rear it's ugly, evil head? I really believed it had dissipated. Vanished. Disappeared.

Here I am, like Mephibosheth when he faced David "...Shuffling and stammering, not looking him in the eye, Mephibosheth said, "Who am I that you pay attention to a stray dog like me?" 2 Samuel 9:8 I AM a stray dog. Low, like a snake on the ground. Never seeing the pride until it's almost too late to do anything about it.

I am hurting. I do not want to have these feelings of despair. Like I CANNOT pray because my heart is overflowing with evil. I cannot find forgiveness. Not for them, not for me. So, here I lay...prostrate before my Father crying out in my despondancy...a new song for us:

"I need You Jesus, to come to my rescue, where else can I go, there’s no other Name by which I am saved, capture me with grace.

I have no place to go. No comfort for this 100% man. My pride is overwhelming me. Humility is a distant relief. I cannot reach it. Touch it. Holy Spirit, envelope me. Find me. Rescue me.

"Energize the limp hands,
strengthen the rubbery knees.
Tell fearful souls,
"Courage! Take heart!
God is here, right here,
on his way to put things right
And redress all wrongs.
He's on his way! He'll save you!" Isaiah 35:3-4 (The Message)

So...here I wait...

Who am I???

2008-01-12T21:19:00.000-06:00

For you, BFF...this is what it came up with:

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

This is my morph: (well, this is the morph I chose! I like Kathy Bates!)

%1

Hope you all have fun trying this out! It can be really cool...and surprising!

(Go Giants!)

January Thunder

2008-01-08T09:49:00.000-06:00

"When you used to tell me that you chase tornadoes, deep down I thought it was just a metaphor."

One of my favorite movies is "Twister"...the first time I saw it, we were sitting in BFF's living room...they had rented the video. I was intrigued. I thought..."I would love to do that!" The thrill...the rush...I get all goose-pimply.

Yesterday was one of those days. It was around 3:50 when the sirens went off. Rachigga and I were talking about the wedding. I flipped on the news. It would hit UG in 30 minutes. We called BDILE to make sure she was aware and alright. She was headed for the basement. Rachigga went to be with her beloved. Chief came home. The sirens went off again. He called BDILE. She was still in the basement. Cheerios had to move all his residents into the basement at the group home and wait. We continued to watch the news. More stories of tornado touchdown. Wheatland...Lake Geneva...Paddock Lake. We waited.

Another siren. Should we go downstairs? (Now...by this time in the reading of this story, I can hear BFF saying "YES...GO DOWNSTAIRS!") Of course, we didn't. The sky was magnificent. Churning and full of power. Of course, I took some pictures.

"You've never seen it miss this house, and miss that house, and come after you!"

A few hours later...after three more sirens...we received a call from one of our congregants. Her sister called her...sister goes to Prayer House. It was destroyed. The choir room. The sanctuary. When Chief hung up, he called our friends Sly and Bebo because they live within blocks of the church. Their home was fine...the house next door: the tornado ripped right down the middle of it. Sly's brother shot video. He was on the news.

These were pictures of Prayer House.

Scorpsdiva (MY sister) was sitting next to me and called HER friend from that same area...his garage was hit...the breezeway destroyed and his truck took the brunt of the damage. He would walk to another friends home on the bidding of Scorpsdiva because the friends' phone was out and she is fairly home bound.

Tacos El Rey, a favorite local restaurant had it's roof ripped right off.

We were never touched. We barely saw rain. Cheerios and BDILE are fine. Would I still chase after a tornado? Probably. For now...I pray for the families without power. Without homes. Without their church.

Final Stop: Sun City

2008-01-07T10:47:00.000-06:00

Wow...two great visits in one vacation! From Lake Havasu, we travelled on to be with my folks...let's see...new names...Singernana and Papatrain...sounds good to me! It was good to FINALLY see where they live...it's been a couple of years since they decided to snowbird in AZ! This was our first time in their home. It's adorable! Full of cool stuff and always a project for Papatrain! Singernana is really involved in china-painting. They love it there..and it shows.

They took us to this great place: Pure Heart Christian Fellowship to see these cool trees. Awesome. Pictures really do not do them justice, but you get the idea!

Unfortunately, I got sick the day we arrived and stayed that way until we left...well...even still now...bummer. BUT...Papatrain and Chief got to golf and go to the swapmeet they call Good Year...Chief got a new suitcase. And we had dinner at a great place called Garcia's. MMMMMMM...Mexican food.

I got to be with my Mom in her new home and see an old friend. It really was a good vacation. Wonderful...delightful...restful...needed.

Thanks, Mom and Dad for an awesome time! Good food...good fellowship...I love you...
your Little Bug!

All ABOARD...First Stop: Lake Havasu City

2008-01-07T09:49:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure how to begin! Our trip to Arizona was wonderful...delightful...restful...needed. I miss my BFF and her family. I was so happy to see her and Poppy...JuJu, Bwin and Sizzle. And Cissy...Rosebud...et al. To meet the "other" friends! :~) To spend one more New Year's Eve with our Bestest Friends Ever playing Pinnocle and drinking Champaigne! With Raspberries! Shades of six small children running around the house until they fell, exhausted, in the living room sleeping on a couch, or a sofa, on the floor while the parents bid on excruciatingly mind-bending hands of Pinnocle.

Remember when Happy fell asleep and started talking and scared ~T~ half to death?? Or one of our last New Year's Eves when Poppy got so sick? We prayed that whole week...then month...then year...then HEALED! That was...well...amazing.

Okay...so Pinnocle wasn't the ONLY thing we did New Year's Eve...there was Scrabble and OF COURSE...singing!

And Harmonizing...The there were THESE times:

Meeting Sizzle...

Uncle Carl LOVED playing...

"My name is Bubba...my cheeks are made outta rubba..."

hehehe...

No autographs...PLEASE!

Watching Poppy play ball...old man...still got it!!

And sitting in the hot tub and watching the Hummingbirds...

I miss our times of card-playing-tenderloin-grilling-laughing-til-we-cried-champaigne-drinking New Year's Eves!! We may never get to do it again...who knows...it was the best of times EVER.

Happy New Year, BFF...I am better for having known ye...

You heard me.

2007-12-28T08:41:00.000-06:00

A wonderful Christmas this was...this was a wonderful Christmas. All of my children home in the Frozen Tundra...with their children. It just doesn't get any better than that. Right? I suppose.

Happy, NC fan and Beautiful left today. Bittersweet. I will miss them terribly, but will see them again in 4 months. But not at Christmas anymore. I'm sad that I will not see Beautiful open a Christmas gift. Or share Christmas memories as I do with Z-man, Flower, Bright Eyes and New York. I understand the whole waking-up-in-our-own-home-on-Christmas-morning tradition thing. I understand wanting to have that special time with the children. I do. But that doesn't make it any easier. Not when I know I am the Oma who misses it. I am sad today. Poor, poor pitiful me. Pathetic and pitiful.

So...my babies are beautiful...and their babies are more beautiful! And I can prove it. Take a look:
So, there you have it. A wonderful Christmas it was...it was a wonderful Christmas.

Now Arizona here we come! It better be sunny...that's all I have to say!

The Dedication and the Blustery Day

2007-12-23T23:43:00.000-06:00

What a wonderful day this was! Well, except it was 24 degrees when we left for church and 16 when we came home. Oh yeah, and the 35 MPH winds.

Having ALL of my children, my sister and my parents in church with me this morning... dedicating Beautiful...it just didn't seem all that significant. I LOVE baby dedications. Especially when the baby being dedicated is family. Awesome.

"Do you promise to raise up your child in service to Jesus Christ?"

"We do."

"Do you promise to pray for your child and teach your child about the saving grace of
Jesus Christ?"

"We do."

The prayer...and Happy asked ME if I would sing. I did. I did not cry and ruin it. The Holy Spirit was a very present help in my time of...well, there was no real "trouble", but I sure didn't think I could sing for my baby AND her baby. But with the help of God...it was a "Masterpiece".

Then the charge to the family..."Do you promise to pray for this child and these parents? To be a present Godly influence in the lives of this family?"

"We do."

Random pics:

Again...MERRY CHRISTMAS!

They're here!

2007-12-22T23:23:00.000-06:00

After a 3 hour fog delay in Fort Wayne, Indiana, Happy, NC Fan and Beautiful have finally arrived and our family Christmas is now complete! Oh how I missed them, and oh how overwhelmed I was when they finally walked through that door! How touching to see Chief FINALLY get to hold his Happy's baby girl. He was thrilled. There will be many more pictures of this wonderful week...but for now...

What a beautiful smile! She looks JUST LIKE HER DADDY!

Flower wants to play!

New York hugs her best bud Z-Man.

And Bright Eyes gets to hold Flower!

Bright Eyes, Rachigga and New York, respectively.

All in all it was a fun-filled, packed-with-family-and-food day! Don't these guys look happy together? Hmmmm...

Have a WONDERFUL Christmas!

"Ohhh...

2007-12-18T23:05:00.000-06:00

...the weather outside is frightful..." ANOTHER post about snow?? (Snow...snow...snow...snow...SNOW...it won't be long until we'll all be there with snow... "Vermont should be beautiful this time of year, all that snow.") Ahhh... White Christmas!

And it is sure to be one this year! I am just so excited that my Mom and Dad are here, that on Saturday my little family will be complete with the arrival of Happy, NC fan and Beautiful, and Christmas this year will be full of warm fuzzies, hot chocolate and turkey. I love Christmas.

Don't you?

Baby it's COLD outside!

2007-12-07T10:08:00.000-06:00

To coin a phrase from an old '60's song...Baby it's cold outside!! As often is the case here in the frozen tundra in December! It's cold and snowy and cloudy (at least until this afternoon...then it's clear) and crisp...and it SMELLS like winter has arrived. My love for the winter here has often caused a wrinkled nose or a disbelieving raised eyebrow from time to time. Still...don't hate! :~)

I do love the snowy weather. At least through January. I do like it to come and go, as with summer (I do not like the heat!); but, Old Man Winter likes to take his sweet time going back to where he hails...WAY up north! SO...complaining about the weather is like worrying to me. Wasted energy. Nothing I can do about winter. I choose to live here. I like it here.

The cold invigorates me. I sleep better in the cold. I love the hustle and bustle that winter brings. The hot chocolate, hot-hot coffee, great soups and stews...I love to cook in the winter. And the movies. Yeah, that's right...it's major movie time! Curl up on my recliner, in my freshly cleaned house that has homemade orange-cinnamon-clove potpourri simmering on the stove; and watch a glorious old movie. I LOVE those days! I am very sentimental. The movies need to be old...Christmas classics, of course, are the best. Still, it depends on what mood I am at that moment.

Today, it's soup, salad and bread for lunch with a friend...and maybe an old movie with Chief later. Anyone up for a little White Christmas?

Lullabies...

2007-11-23T22:37:00.000-06:00

Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep)

Irving Berlin

When I'm worried and I can't sleep I count my blessings instead of sheep

And I fall asleep counting my blessings

When my bankroll is getting small I think of when I had none at all

And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads

And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds

If you're worried and you can't sleep

Just count your blessings instead of sheep

And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

Oh the joy of singing a lullaby again! The softness...the quietness...the feeling of peace. A precious little baby snuggled on my shoulder in the tender glow of the faintest of light so as not to disturb her slumber. Beautiful baby...here on out to be known as Beautiful. Because she is. Because the word fits her, like Flower fits her. You know what I mean.

Counting my blessings is only ONE of the many things I have been doing since November 2, 2007 at 4:01 p.m. Counting...crying...sighing...wondering...staring in amazement...my emotions are different this time around. I am singing lullabies I sang to Happy as my baby daughter, and now I sing them to Beautiful as my baby granddaughter. Oh how I love her. Oh how I miss her. How I miss them both.

She is beautiful...just take a look...and sing a lullaby.

Baby Mine

(From Dumbo)

Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine
Little one when you play
Don't you mind what you say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine

If they knew sweet little you

They'd end up loving you too

All those same people who scold you

What they'd give just for

The right to hold you

From your head to your toes

You're not much, goodness knows

But you're so precious to me

Cute as can be, baby of mine.

How much we love our precious Beautiful...we hope you will see why!

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

2007-10-29T11:05:00.001-05:00

It seems as if it will never come. Tomorrow. I leave tomorrow. To surprise Happy. Tomorrow. Her birthday is tomorrow. It will be the first birthday I have spent with her in four years. She will be 25. A milestone. I remember it.

But this is NOT about me. My Happy. My baby-girl. 25. Where has the time gone? I DO remember the night she was born...warm San Diego. Beautiful San Diego. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. All 10# 4 oz. of her! My first C-Section. All those hours of labor (almost 72)...the surgery...the pain...the stitches...the spinal...all but disappeared at the first glance at her beautiful round little face. She was beautiful. Peaceful. Curious from the very beginning.

Oh there are hundreds of stories...it's difficult to choose just one to share...so I won't. Because they are all awesome or hilarious or touching. All of them. She has that kind of "way" about her. Very outgoing...yet shy. Full of life...yet reserved. She is incredibly smart, beautiful, talented, fun to be around...she can make you practically wet your pants with laughter or cry with her sensitivity.

Okay, I said I wasn't going to share...but I have to share this...we were at a local Italian restaurant standing in line to order our food one day, and there was a family in front of us who had to leave because they couldn't afford to buy the whole family food from the menu. Yeah...you guessed it...she ran out after them and offered to pay for their lunch. That is just how she is. She hates to see people sitting alone in a any restaurant, she will offer to sit with them or have them sit with her. She is the first to offer not only money when needed, but a ride, her time, anything she can do to make someone else's journey a little less rocky.

And she loves Jesus. It's all around her and in her. You can see it. She doesn't need to say one thing. You know it just by being with her. Or by hearing her incredible voice. She has a beautiful voice. Which I do not get to hear that often. I had the absolute privilege to sing a duet with her the last time she visited home. It was an honor. Seriously...you should hear her.

Goofy with her Papa's glasses on!

Dad giving her away on her extraordinary day.

An extraordinarily beautiful bride!

Beautiful with her family!

So...tomorrow I leave to fly to where she is to surprise her for her birthday. And I get to stay with her for 18 days! I will be there when her first baby comes. My baby is having a baby. She is so beautiful. And awesome and wonderful and sweet and HO-HI-LARIOUS and the best wife and she will be the best mom ever... and she is my favorite 25 year old. Ever.

Happy birthday, Happy!

"My Heart Hurts..."

2007-10-22T20:58:00.000-05:00

Wow. It's been a while. Maybe it's because I live this kind of boring life...not much to really write about. Maybe it's because I am inherently lazy and I just do not feel like working my brain. That must be it. Because my life isn't really THAT boring. It's just that some of the things I could write about, people would read and then some people would think, I am writing about them...blah...blah...blah. Think away.

Chief and I have been contemplating our lives the past few weeks. Not always a pleasant conversation. Sometimes I end up more frustrated than before we began the conversation. Oh WE are okay with one another...see...Chief believes that life would be grand if it weren't for people. Unfortunately, if we HAVE a life...people are inevitable. Life is messy...it's full of difficult conversations, mind altering events, hurtful words, painful thoughts, abusive and explosive confrontations, annoying habits and fake smiles...it is also quite exhilarating. Full of incredible music, the laughter of children and the elderly (me included!), beautiful color, sensational sights, awesomely written words of encouragement, the love of family and friends, the closeness of a spouse and the overwhelming gratitude from one person to another.

Life is not like an Orbitz commercial, chew this gum..."Life's messy...clean it up." Sometimes cleaning it up is far out of the reach of one single person, or the gum they chew. Sometimes it means we need to ask for help. Why is that so difficult? Why do we wait until we are so far into the hole, light is now impossible to see? Why do we stay there? I just do not understand it.

Now...before you all get on the depression-is-something-only-depressed-people-can-understand bandwagon...let me reassure you, I am now, and have all my life, suffered with chronic, manic, clinical depression. So, I do know what I am talking about. My problem is...how do we let it take us there? We know the signs...we know the pitfalls...we know the gravity of it...how do we jerk ourselves away from the pull of it?

Yes...I am a born-again-blood-bought-spirit-filled-testifyin'-child of the King. STILL...Christians do get depressed. I USED to think..."that's impossible...if you have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in your heart, how could POSSIBLY be depressed?? I must not be a Christian!" Which, of course, made me even more depressed...how could Christ ever love anyone like me? Someone who couldn't find happiness if it slapped her up-side her head with a very large brick??

He can. And He does. My daughters and Chief will get this..."my heart hurts" is something I have lived with for years... but, my hurt heart is never too broken that Jesus cannot mend it.

How cliche you say? Deal with it, I say. It's true, no matter how flowery or simple-minded it may sound. Depression is a part of life. Just like the joy or the laughter or the color.

A friend (you know who you are...I hope you do not mind that I quoted you...) said this "There really is a certain beauty to be found, I think, in the shadow. A richness that is lost when all is blinding light. Why are we so afraid of the dark, paralyzed by fear; a learned political, religious, social behavior, or an inborn quality?"

I do believe depression...the times of shadowy darkness... is a part of life...it's a part of ME. And it's there, dormant, for days...months...years...before it rears it's...well...ugly-yet-beautiful head. Sometimes I like the shadow (not in a weird, morbid kind of way)...I can sit silently, undetected for hours, watching, waiting, longing, yearning. And I usually emerge so much better for the wear. It's all a part of this incredible journey...one which I know my Savior will always be on with me. He will guide me through, as always. The enemy means for me to see depression as failure in my walk...I can now see that God has intended me to have times of despair if only to remind me how much He loves me, and how desperately I need Him.

I trust Him. He has called me His Beloved...and I need to believe that this is true. No matter where I am on this road, I know my Savior is leading the way...or carrying me through.

Forgiveness is Golden...

2007-10-03T09:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, so Chief and I are involved in this great Care Group and we all decided that this year we would do something a little "simpler" for our study. We decided we would get a Couples Devotional and come together every other week to discuss what we got from the devo and the discussion question. We chose the Devotional "Moments With You" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. It's a 365 day devo, so we all agreed that once we got our books we would "begin" on October 1. Good plan.

So...Oct 1 is about forgiveness. Chief read the devo...it was good, but we really didn't have anything to forgive at that point, so we did as it said and looked at each other and said "I forgive you". Touching. Then, because HE read...I had to pray.

October 2. Last night. I pick up the book, open it up and low and behold, the devo is about FORGIVENESS! At first I said..."hey, you read the wrong devo last night!" Upon further inspection, no he didn't. Two nights about forgiveness. Further inspection showed that the next two nights were about forgiveness, too. I was not happy! I wanted something cool...something I could sink my teeth into! Whatever.

I read the devotion. We did discuss some things. It was good. THEN...because I read, he prayed. Okay...Chief can be very subtle in his discipline...although I don't feel it was "discipline" per se...just a gentle nudging from God through Chief. Part of his prayer:

"Lord, help us to not think of ourselves as too far above or too sophisticated that we cannot learn what you would have for us in these devotionals." Yes...exactly.

Ping. Ping. Ping.

I knew as soon as the words left his mouth and reached my ear, that it was God Himself telling me that, even though I thought I was beyond the "forgiveness thing", He wanted me to hear it again. I have lived through some excruciatingly difficult times in my life that required DEEP forms of forgiveness, from me and for me. Forgiveness that was years in the giving. And years in the asking. I didn't want to dredge up past things I had already laid down.

Maybe I have become too complacent...too sarcastic in my speech and in my thinking. I need to be reminded what it was like when I so desperately needed the forgiveness of my Heavenly Father. I know I need forgiveness everyday from God; but, I think I was taking that ability to go to Him every day and ask for forgiveness for my daily short comings for granted. I know it's always there...so I really do not have to think about it.

Chief and I came to the conclusion that we just do not need to ask for forgiveness for the tiny, petty little things that aggravate or annoy us about each other day by day. We understand one another. We deeply love one another. We know those irritations all too well, and we love each other any way. We had just felt that forgiveness is for the BIG things. Things that have never happened with us. We know how blessed we are. We know how far we have come. We are so NOT beyond the point that we see each other as perfect...we just know that the imperfections are what make us a balanced and loving couple.

Do we need forgiveness? Of course we do. We give and we ask. It's a rare and precious jewel that should not be taken for granted. I am glad I had the devotional and Chief to set me straight on how far I have yet to go! This is going to be a good year for our Care Group...I can feel it!

Sunday School...

2007-09-24T00:09:00.000-05:00

"In Jerusalem at the time, there was a man, Simeon by name, a good man, a man who lived in the prayerful expectancy of help for Israel. And the Holy Spirit was on him. The Holy Spirit had shown him that he would see the Messiah of God before he died. Led by the Spirit, he entered the Temple. As the parents of the child Jesus brought him in to carry out the rituals of the Law, Simeon took him into his arms and blessed God: 'God, you can now release your servant; release me in peace as you promised. With my own eyes I've seen your salvation; it's now out in the open for everyone to see: A God-revealing light to the non-Jewish nations, and of glory for your people Israel.'

Jesus' father and mother were speechless with surprise at these words. Simeon went on to bless them, and said to Mary his mother, 'This child marks both the failure and the recovery of many in Israel, A figure misunderstood and contradicted—the pain of a sword-thrust through you—But the rejection will force honesty, as God reveals who they really are.'

Anna the prophetess was also there, a daughter of Phanuel from the tribe of Asher. She was by now a very old woman. She had been married seven years and a widow for eighty-four. She never left the Temple area, worshiping night and day with her fastings and prayers. At the very time Simeon was praying, she showed up, broke into an anthem of praise to God, and talked about the child to all who were waiting expectantly for the freeing of Jerusalem."

Luke 2:25-37 (The Message)

All right. This is a story you would expect to see at Christmas-time. Baby Jesus. Simeon in the Temple. "For my eyes have see your salvation." (Remember the musical...Jerry looked like Santa all dressed in his robes and white beard! Ahhh, the memories!!)

Still...we are studying the women of the Bible in Sunday School right now. Today was Anna. I love this story. For many reasons. And I believe it appropriate for all "seasons". Including the one I am in as I write.

Can you imagine...in a time, an age, where they did not know the Holy Spirit? Understanding the infilling upon salvation? Know of His sacrifice? Hearing the words of the prophets who had gone on LONG before, sitting at the feet of the Elders reading about Isaiah, Daniel, Job, Ezekiel, Joseph, the mighty King David. Waiting, waiting, waiting for the promise to be fulfilled. For the Messiah to come. For freedom. That was Simeon. He had waited and lived long after his years should have been over...God made a promise to him. And God always keeps His promises. He sent His Holy Spirit to Simeon to cover him, to encourage him, to prepare him. So that when Mary and Joseph walked into the Temple, all Simeon had to do was lay eyes on the infant and he knew HE was the ONE.

But, Simeon wasn't alone waiting in the Temple in Jerusalem. A tiny, obscure few sentences about a prophetess named Anna. She had been a widow for 84 years. (Most people believe she was a widow UNTIL she was 84...but the King James says "she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity; And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years" which says she was a widow FOR 84 years, not UNTIL she was 84.) Married 7 years before that. Say she was married, as was the custom "back in the day" at the ripe old age of 17. By this time, she would have been 108 years old. She waited 84 years to behold her salvation. Eighty-four years. She rejoiced...praised in anthem and spoke of the child to anyone who would hear her.

For me, the story isn't incredible because the Holy Spirit had rested on Simeon, but because the Holy Spirit rested on 108 year old Anna until HER eyes had seen God's Salvation for Israel. She lived at the Temple. Praying day and night. Fasting. Praising. Singing. Waiting. Worshiping. Nothing is said of her impatience. Of her complaining. Of her whining that it was taking too long. Of her staunch independence or her soapbox where she undoubtedly stood to declare her rights as a woman.

She simply waited to behold her precious Savior. Did she know he would come as a baby? Well, if she was versed in scripture, she certainly did. If she listened to the Pharisee's and Sadducee's recite the book of Isaiah word for word she did. So did Simeon. It's in there! And then to top it off, she was covered by the Holy Spirit. Just like Simeon, all she had to do was glance His way...and she knew.

Can you imagine her delight? Her utter joy at the sight she had so long waited to see?? As her gaze fixed on the Savior, she must have leaped for joy...inside and out!!

Okay...my point. Why is it we cannot wait? We cannot wait one day for an answer to prayer. Not one moment. Just as Christ Himself asked His disciples..."can you not wait with me one hour?" We simply say..."no, we can't." You are taking too long. You are infringing on my right to speediness. In everything. Our worship is rushed so we can get to a quick-get-me-out-the-door sermon because we cannot wait with Him one hour. And forget the altar. We certainly do not want to "linger"...that takes too much time. Anna waited 84 years.

I'm not saying we have to sit in a pew all day...please...be realistic. We will sit two hours talking in a restaurant with friends, heaven forbid we didn't get right to that texting over and over. We will spend HOURS on the computer doing this and that (like THIS!). But we will not wait with Him one hour.

I so want my life to reflect that I waited with Him as often as I possibly could whenever I possibly could. I want my life to reflect His Holy Spirit. I want to glance His way and know beyond all imagination that He is my Savior...and I will know His salvation when I see it, because I stopped and waited for that brief God-moment of time to know and understand Him. Our lives are short in comparison to Simeon or Anna, but time in the eyes of God is even more fleeting. One hour. One moment. To know Him better. To know Him more.

84 years...one moment...whatever it takes.

Guess What????

2007-09-20T09:27:00.001-05:00

I'm subbing today! Cool. This post will be a two parter...now and at the end of the day. I want to get it all into one post.

I was really surprised that I wasn't upset when school actually began over a month ago. Upset that I wasn't going back, wasn't getting ready to begin another year of devo's with my first hour, devising projects to keep the throngs of bored journalism teenagers occupied at least through each quarter. I wasn't even upset that I wasn't...in August...choosing the movies I would be showing before Christmas break! I know, I'm anal...but I did so love picking movies to go along with each particular class.

Now...not preparing for Music Ministry was a different scenario. That was a tad difficult. I really loved that class. No offense to my J Students...I love them...but, worship is my life and knowing that I wouldn't be able to study or teach or participate in this place was depressing. I love watching my students "get it" and then apply it to their teams. Then put themselves "out there" for the whole student body to see. That is not easy...no matter the personality, it's hard to know that if I do this, I could be made fun of, or ridiculed or laughed at. But that was not the case here in this place. At least not while I was here. (Yes, I realize I am writing in two different tenses, it's just my way...) The student body really loved their worship leaders and the teams. Usually, the complaining came from staff. That's an entirely different post...rest assured I will not go into that heartache here.

Today, the day I am subbing, is Chapel day. Imagine that. God orchestrated my first sub day to be a Chapel day! Ain't He grand???? I am so way excited that I can see Chapel without me...kind of weird, but I think you understand my meaning. I need to see that DC was right..."we got along fine without before you came, we will get along fine without you when you leave!" Harsh words, maybe, but true nonetheless.

Right now, I am in study hall...yuck...and it's 3rd hour. Really...so far so good. Only 5 hours left in the day! Catch ya on the flip-flop!

Okay...FLIP! It is now the end of the school day and I am ready to wipe away the tears and write. Chapel was very good today. I loved the worship! Now, here is where it COULD be said: "Well, of COURSE you did! Those students up there were YOUR students less than six months ago, it's not going to change THAT much in that short amount of time!" But I am stepping away from that prideful side to say, well done. And without ME!! It was so awesome to see them again, and at the end they were so happy to see me, and that felt SO good. I guess I didn't realize that being missed could be so uplifting to one's spirit! Let me assure you, it was. I even had an opportunity to encourage a former student to stick it out at least through the end of the semester. Change can be difficult...heart wrenching even, but it is inevitable. My heart goes out to the ones who are having difficulty adjusting to the new way, and, to the ones who have already given up, my heart breaks. And DC WAS right.

I liked my first subbing day...I look forward to many more...even if it means it's on a Chapel day.

Just a hop, skip and a jump...

2007-09-17T19:36:00.000-05:00

First...this sunset is from my front yard...it was prettier before I ran inside to get the camera, but this is pretty enough...I love our sunsets!

Here we are on our vacation in the Wisconsin Dells...graciously provided by our friendly neighborhood daughter and son-in-law! That's right...Happy and NCBF sent us on a four day vacation for our anniversary. Ain't they just the most precious???? Yes...they is! This is the one bedroom townhome we stayed in...

the living/dining room...

the fireplace (and Carl)...

The view from the front porch...

The local sights...you get the picture...

This place is called Top Secret...everyone says it's a waste of money...all the furnuture is nailed to the ceiling...that's the big attraction. woo...hoo.

We went here for the lunch theater...American Musical Celebration. They opened with: "America, We Celebrate Your Song"!! AAAHHH the memories. A GREAT production, nonetheless, and the food was superb!

A German clock tower...every day on the hour, it tells the story of the Pied Piper. Cool.

The beautiful Wisconsin River.

Local color...

Here we are on our last day, getting ready to head out. Okay, MY smile is bigger than Chief's, but we had an incredible time and can't wait to go again. And we WILL be going again...

...because now, we are proud Bluegreen vacation club OWNERS!!

We did have a wonderful, relaxing vacation...much needed and it was awesome to be just the two of us for a few days. The weather was spectacular, and becoming owners was one of the highlights of the trip. We are excited to begin planning other vacations...something we have never done before. We went to an awesome place called the Chicago Club...a 1927 Speakeasy. Totally cool...silent movies, a flapper, an old-time piano player and great old-time jazz and swing songs. We had a blast...and again...great food! Thanks Happy and NCBF...it was grand!

2007-09-15T14:12:00.001-05:00

This is baby Lexi. She's beautiful. Don't you think?? Seriously, you don't HAVE to think it, just smile and nod your head slowly! This new 3D technology is amazing, and I am thrilled to be able to share the pictures with all of you! I am in awe.

Beautiful little smile. She knows that in just a little while she'll be with her Mama and Daddy out in the world for the very first time. I'd be smiling, too!

Praying...for real! Anyway, that's what I believe...probably praying that her Mama and Daddy will be cool and love her incredibly. Prayer already answered. Way cool.

AAAHHH...the beauty and mystery of birth. Exceptional. Wonderful. Incredible. Awesome. And way, WAY cool.

Ahhh...to sleep, perchance to dream.

2007-09-06T22:48:00.000-05:00

Escape at Bedtime
by Robert Louis Stevenson

The lights from the parlour and kitchen shone out
Through the blinds and the windows and bars;
And high overhead and all moving about,
There were thousands of millions of stars.
There ne'er were such thousands of leaves on a tree,
Nor of people in church or the Park,
As the crowds of the stars that looked down upon me,
And that glittered and winked in the dark.

The Dog, and the Plough, and the Hunter, and all,
And the star of the sailor, and Mars,
These shown in the sky, and the pail by the wall
Would be half full of water and stars.
They saw me at last, and they chased me with cries,
And they soon had me packed into bed;
But the glory kept shining and bright in my eyes,
And the stars going round in my head.

Yes, I do love Robert Louis Stevenson...so simple...and this is, again, from my favorite book of poetry..."A Child's Garden of Verses."I have always been fascinated by the sky. It's beauty by day...but mostly, the night. The stars. The planets...the constellations.

"Dad, do you think there's people on other planets?"
"I don't know, Sparks. But I guess I'd say if it is just us... seems like an awful waste of space."

This quote/conversation is from "CONTACT" with Jodi Foster...between her and her father.

Now...do not go all cuckoo on me...I did not say I believed that there is life on other planets...I am not a UFO freak...or a Mormon.

I just wonder.

Sometimes, I wonder why DID God just throw a bunch of huge planets and stars into the sky and not tell anyone what they are there for?

Anyway...I digress...Orion...the Hunter, as mentioned in the simple little poem, is probably one of the oldest constellations. It is also one of the easiest to pick out. Orion is the legendary great hunter of the Greek mythology. It was said he was the most beautiful of men and the most skillfull of hunters. Unfortunately Orion accepted this praise with utter confidence it was true, and then some. He began boasting of his skills, claiming to have total superiouity over all creatures. Quite naturally, this annoyed the gods that be and they decided to punish him for his greatly inflated ego. Firmly believing in capitol punishment, the gods sent Scorpius, the scorpion to earth to sting Orion's foot, and kill him. Diana, an admirer of Orion (and his ego) implored the gods to place the great hunter in the sky to remember him by. This they agreed to, so long as they also placed the scorpion there to warn against such nasty crimes as ego. In Orion's last dying breath he begged not to be placed near the scorpion. And so, Orion dominates the winter skies while Scorpius' domain is the summer skies.

Sound familiar? One of the most beautiful of all men. Skilled at his craft. Big ego. Thought he was better than everyone else...and still, he had a follower. SOMEONE wrote that story. Not sure exactly who...anyone care to guess?? Let me know..okay? Back to my thought...

The story is familiar, like that of the most beautiful angel...greatly skilled...HUGE ego...thought he was better than his Creator...brought a third of the angels with him when he was thrown out of heaven. Remember?

Why is it so easy to believe the stories of the stars...and not the stories of the Bible? Why do we have such difficulty with the Truth? We are so willing to take hold of a thought that brings us a mild sense of belonging...and not a word of that brings us peace and clarity. The story of Orion is fictitious. Seriously...we ALL know that...RIGHT????

It seems so easily explained this way... the stars in the sky were put there at the amusement of the gods. To warn us...if we do something to anger them...well...you get the picture.

Reality...they were put there to...cause us to revel in God's wonder. In His greatness. In His vastness. The heavens are His home. We cannot venture to guess how vast the heavens are...how deep...how wide...how great. Another quote from the same movie (I do SO LOVE movies!):

"I... had an experience... I can't prove it, I can't even explain it, but everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real! I was given something wonderful, something that changed me forever... A vision of the universe, that tells us, undeniably, how tiny, and insignificant and how... rare, and precious we all are! A vision that tells us that we belong to something that is greater then ourselves, that we are *not*, that none of us are alone! I wish... I... could share that... I wish, that everybody, if only for one... moment, could feel... that awe, and humility, and hope. But... That continues to be my wish."

This, after she denies the existence of God...then ventures on her "journey" and needs to explain what happened to her. "...we belong to something that is greater then ourselves,"

We DO belong to something...someone...greater than ourselves. And His love is as vast, as deep, as wide and as great as the heavens seem to our finite minds. I love to escape into the thoughts of what's really out there..I love to watch the sky...to see the incredible creation He put there just for me so I could wonder about Him...about His awesome hand not only in the heavens, but in my life. To escape.

WE'RE BFF!! WE'RE BFF!!

2007-08-28T10:08:00.000-05:00

My BFF! We have been friends for so long, it's difficult to remember life without her! We have been through it all! We've even argued...well...disagreed...from time to time (and I mean this with all serious-ness, those times were always because of me! OH! I'm sorry..."yeah...you're the sorriest thing I've ever seen!"), and our friendship has grown stronger. We're closer than sisters, if that's possible. She has been the voice of reason in my very self-turbulent, dysfunctional life. I was a mess inside and out. Meeting BFF was literally a divine intervention that perservered because of her incredible patience and obedience to our Father! If you know her...if you know her and I together...you've already said "AMEN TO THAT!" See my hands??? I cannot thank God enough for bringing this woman into my life. I am so proud to have HER call ME friend. I am in awe of her life..I wanna be her when I grow up!!

She is so talented. She's a great Mom, (according to Poppy, she's a hot mama!) a wonderful, loving Nini, a devoted daughter and sister, an adoring wife (really...seriously! How many times can you actually SAY that anymore! It's awesome!), an avid runner, an amazing quilter, a beautiful singer, and the list goes on and on. Most importantly, she is a woman after God's own heart, and you know it. You can see it in her. She doesn't need to say a thing. It's in there.

And she's funny...hey...she's the "tan-loud-lady!" We crack ourselves up! Doesn't she look like BDE in this pic???

MAHVELOUS DAAHLING!!! Yeah...we're weird...that's all part of the charm that makes us...US!!!!

Now THESE two...there's just not enough space to write everything I believe about Chief and Poppy together. The gangsta-pranksta's! You do not even WANT to know what's happening in these pictures!

Still, Poppy has been a great influence on Chief...and he's pretty influential, himself. They make an awesome pair, I love them together. Chief has many friends in his life, but none as close as Poppy.

The four of us together make a pretty good team! Chief and Poppy make us laugh AND gross us out! We love them dearly. And our families have always been pretty close. Our kids were perfectly "arranged" in age for friendship...T~, Cheerios, MamaJuJu, Happy, Maestro and Rachigga. In that order. They pretty much grew up together and definately have stories of their own they could share. I'll leave that to them. Someday. Here's the youngest reason there are stories! Rachigga's second parents: she loves them so much! And they love her just as much.

For a long time...because of Chief...our fav thing to do was play pinochle. And we played it A LOT!! Goose and Mav. Ahhh...the memories. Not so much in recent years, there's just so much more to do now that we are older and retired and all that good stuff. And because we don't get to see each other all that often any more, cards seems like a waste of precious catching-up-we-haven't-had-chocolate-or-coffee-or-El-Sarape time! We used to spend every New Year's Eve together...no matter what party we were all invited to, we always left early so we could spend that ball-dropping moment just the four of us. We'd toast the New Year and play cards! Much to the children's dismay. I do remember one New Year when Poppy discovered he couldn't eat all that salt anymore. Now those were scary times. PTL THAT'S over!

All in all, it has been an amazing, incredible, awesome, loving, very, very, fun 22 years! BFF is my duet partner for crying out loud!!! We have done it all, and there's so much more to do, I cannot wait for the next 22 years!! Thanks for the memories!

And, here's to our NEXT picture-taking adventure! "Hey Nini...what's THAT???"

Rain, Rain Go Away...

2007-08-22T23:06:00.000-05:00

Rain
by Robert Louis Stevenson

The rain is falling all around,
It falls on field and tree,
It rains on the umbrellas here,
And on the ships at sea.

How appropriate for today. How appropriate for this entire week! It's like: "water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink!" It's from an old rime (yes, RIME) called "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner". Very old...very long, but it is in there...in the second part, if you can make it through the first part...20 stanzas (there are actually seven parts)! Sailors had a lot to write about back then...they had nothing better to do, thus the ship's log!

Ugh...I ramble. Rain. It's good, right? It's needed, right? Of course it is. But, why so MUCH of it? Why here? Why not in drought-ridden Georgia? Why every day? Actually...not DAY. It has been sunny and warm and humid the last two days...then those big, black clouds roll in. Thunder. Lightening. (The way you love me it's frightening...sorry...musical moment) Then the down pour. Amazing.

I actually love a good thunderstorm. The thunder, the lightening, the rain...especially in the summer. The smell of a summer rain on the hot, dry pavement. The sound of the rain on the roof, on the window. The thick, beautiful green grass after it's all over. Okay...I am NOT diminishing the obvious ramifications of a weeks worth of inches of rain on our community...I just love a good thunderstorm, that's all.

Every year at this time, I am getting ready to go back to teach. Not this year. I am deciding what devotional to use for my first hour. Not this year. I remember how quickly the first month of school passes, and how can I share with them the idea that the seasons are like our lives? Not this year...well, at least not with my students. I can share that with YOU! Aren't you excited??? Well, pretend you are, anyway. Just like they did. :~)

I won't go into the WHOLE schpeil (like that word???), just the part about summer. The rain. You have it, don't you! You already know what I'm going to say, but I will say it anyway. In every one's life, a little rain must fall. Unfortunately, some get the downpour, and some get the sprinkles. Personally, I do not mind a downpour once in a while. It keeps me humble. Steeped in humility. It helps me focus on the sky, constantly watching to see if the clouds are moving, closing my eyes with my face lifted up, to feel if the wind has shifted ("wind's from the east, mist comin' in, like somethin' is brewin' and 'bout to begin"). And then as sure as Bob's your Uncle...it's over.

Then I wonder, how did I ever make it through that storm? I can reminisce what my life was like before the storm and how it changed after. I can look back and see God's hand in it all. Where He carried me. Where I fought Him. Where I gave it all to Him. Those places are like this: after the srorm is over, we go outside and assess the damage. Every place where a pool of water has settled is an indentation, an indication, of my settling. Where I stopped to either pray or fight. Some of the pools are bigger than others, but they are there. I am safely on the other side of that storm. The pools of water will dry up, or be soaked into the ground, but I'll remember where they were. And, hopefully, know to avoid those divots during the next storm.

Because there will be another storm. With every one, I learn something different. I remember to close the windows. In my house AND in my car! I learn to check to make sure the sump pump is working. I bring in the umbrella from the patio so it doesn't blow away into the neighbor's yard, practically impaling their dog! And I still go out onto the front porch to watch the clouds come in and feel the wind shift. I remember that God has my heart in His hand and He has it all under control. And I think of Robert Louis Stevenson, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner and, of course, Mary Poppins!

Here's to drier days ahead!

Waxing Nostalgic...

2007-08-14T14:58:00.000-05:00

I had this book when I was a little girl, called "A Child's Garden of Verses" by Robert Louis Stevenson. I loved it. Very much. I don't remember where I got it, a gift, probably, but from whom, (who...whom, whatever...) I do not remember.

This was probably my favorite:

The Swing
by Robert Louis Stevenson

How do you like to go up in a swing,
Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
Ever a child can do!

Up in the air and over the wall,
Till I can see so wide,
River and trees and cattle and all
Over the countryside--

Till I look down on the garden green,
Down on the roof so brown--
Up in the air I go flying again,
Up in the air and down!

I don't know why I am blogging about this, I just felt kind of mellow this afternoon and was thinking about being a child and how these were the days I treasured the most...the "lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer". Of course, my memories of when I was little, like Z-man and Flower are quite hazy, it was then, when I was not tainted by life's atrocities and abuses (until the age of 7) I was probably most happy.

A little older, maybe around 9 or 10, we had this swing set out in the back yard, behind the garage...a place where, at the right time of day, no one could really find me. I loved to swing on that set!! I really thought no one knew I was there...there was never anyone around, in my yard or in the neighbors, so I would sing, at the top of my lungs, every song I knew! Barbra Streisand had nothing on me singing the entire score from Funny Girl! Or becoming Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music or Mary Poppins. And Nancy Sinatra??? pphhhfff! "Who Will Buy" never sounded so sweet. I memorized Andy Williams, Frank Sinatra, Jack Jones, Perry Como, Judy Garland...my respite. My own swinging sanctuary.

Anyway, I loved swinging, and I really loved that book. Along with a few others that were kept at my Grandma's in Green Bay. So...I was just thinking about that today...weird, but true. I leave you with two adorable pics of my Z-man and Flower swinging...don't they look so contented and happy???

Inseperable...that's what you are to me...

2007-08-06T23:12:00.000-05:00

Well, this is us...the FAMILY! So proud we are of one another, and it's not that often we all get together. BDILE, Cheerios, Z-man, Flower, Happy, Flucos (that's Happy's husband...it's the name of their High School teams), Rachigga, Chief and me. I am ALWAYS in the middle...guess it's always easier to gather around the...well, for the sake of everything nice...I will just say, I really hate being the one in the middle. But...there I am in all my green-ness. We DO look happy, don't we??? I guess that's because WE ARE!!!

We had a wonderful week with Happy and Flucos here! We laughed and talked and planned and the guys went to a Cubbies game (Flucos really wanted to get a picture of THE WALL at Wrigley Field... though he is an Indians fan) while us girls had a baby shower for Happy. The absolute highlight of that night was seeing BFF, EOO and BDE!!! I was thrilled to see BFF...it has been, you know, like, forever! It was a wonderful night and Happy got such beautiful things!!! Here is the

quilt BFF made her, and then one of the afghans my Mom made. Beautiful!!!

Still...it wasn't all about the Cubbies and a baby shower. We also spent a day with Chief's family up at Big Lake. We had a blast and Z-man loved everything and everyone loved Z and Flower!!

All-in-all it was a great visit, and, as usual, it was way too short! We won't be together again until Christmas, and you better believe I am counting the days! I will go to see Happy when the baby comes, it seems like an eternity away, but I know it will come quickly! Now. to share some pics from the week...and to say:

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos." ~Charles M. Schulz

So..."HELLO"

Flucos lost a bet with my sister, so he was FORCED to wear an Urlacher jersey. Poor guy...HAHAHA

"Don't Rain on My Parade..."

2007-07-28T06:20:00.000-05:00

I've become obsessed with the Standalone Player from my Myspace. I am listening to it right now. "Walk This Way...just give me a kiss! ...like this...!" I found it on Rachigga's space and thought...WOW more than ONE song!!!!! I have changed my list, like, 20 times this past week alone. I love it. Aerosmith...the Beatles...Judy Garland...John Denver...Ella Fitzgerald...Rascal Flatts...Barbra Striesand...Carol King...of course there's Babbie Mason and Chris Tomlin and Mercy Me, too. I have come to see how incredibly eclectic I truly am! I have always said I love all music.

But I have come to see something else. I NEED these songs. We all know that music is very therapeutic...calming and exhilarating all at the same time. It transcends all language barriers, all generational "gaps" so to speak. For me, it is an incredible life source. Music. Singing. Singers. Musicians. All there just to lift me. To encourage me. To make me wanna dance. To make me wanna cry. To make me wanna shout for joy. Makes me wanna sing along! And I do, believe me!

Anyone who knows me, knows I will sing along with just about anything and anyone. Not a huge Opera sing-a-long person, but I have been known to rap a little. Usually by myself. Or with Rachigga...she made me do this "thing" and then recorded me on her phone. Evidence...oh well!

And let me tell you that when I find a recording I haven't heard in, like, forever...I change my player asap!! Like an EARLY recording of Judy Garland singing Stormy Weather. Or Gene Kelly's Singin' in the Rain...you better believe I included it! Music is beautiful. And old and new and wonderful and awesome and most definitely an obsession.

Most importantly...it is a gift. A joy. Anointed. Holy. Reverent. "Begin the music, strike the tambourine, play the melodious harp and lyre." Psalm 81:2 Oh how I love to worship through music. My absolute joy...my very essence. It excites me...getting close to that place where only Priests were allowed to go! I get to go there! And I love it there.

I know that Rascal Flatts or Andy Williams isn't praise and worship...but for me, their words lend themselves to lifting my spirit and bringing me to a place of peace. Their words encourage me, help me, allow me to see the place where I am at that moment and I can move from there to a better place.

I know, my interpretation is very broad, but...well...oh well! I can reminisce and Get Happy about Mayberry with Me and My Gang, (Would You Go With Me?) and then sing some good ole Mountain Music as I exalt my Wonderful Maker because He Can Work it Out Alright...and this is just The End of the Beginning! And I can do it all from the Boondocks!!

Have a Happy Day!!

Fantastic...

2007-07-23T09:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was...fun. It was full. It was fantastic. It was fantastically fun and full.

First...church. Awesome...sorry no "F" word here :~). We had a missionary guest "window" with Angie (George) and Berna Cruz. Awesome. Worship was awesome. Really awesome. And moving. It seems that whenever we have a missionary guest...worship that morning is awesome. Really awesome. And moving. I am in awe of my worship partners, Chief and our precious little church. BDILE is ALWAYS in the back with the little ones and she never has the opportunity to experience the sevices. I am in awe of her. I don't know if I could do that week in and week out never being a part of worship or hearing a sermon. So...this Sunday is a "fifth Sunday" (you know, a month with five Sundays in it...duh) and there will be no nursery. No Children's Church. So BDILE can have some corporate worship time of her own!

Anyway...church was awesome.

Second...family picnic. Awesome. My cousin just bought a house and this was the first time all of us had seen it. So adorable...so cute...so her. LOVED IT!!! Had fun with family and good food...of course...and laughing. FUN.

Next...Graduation and Birthday party for JH...his parents are good friends, we are in a care group together. (Although we DO have direction...Chief will NEVER live that one down, will he?!?!?!) FUN FUN FUN!!! Again, good food, good fellowship...we were there SIX HOURS!!!!! Yep...SIX HOURS!!!! TOO much laughing...if THAT is even possible...we definitely had fantastic fun!

All in all it was a fun-filled, fantastic day...have I said that yet? Still, the absolute best part of it all??? We spent the ENTIRE time...the ENTIRE day with our precious Rachigga. She actually rode with us from church to family picnic to home to party to home. It was a wonderful day. It was good to watch her "socializing", to hear her laughing. No Antonio (yes, I said his name...no need for that confidentiality any longer, right?) talk. No crying...I believe for the first time in a month. We left home together, we came home together and all went to bed immediately upon arrival. We were tired. It was a good tired.

So...after a fantastically full, fun day?? Cleaning. And getting ready for Happy and NC fan to arrive in ten days!!! MORE FUN!!!!! TEN DAYS, BFF...TEN DAYS!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!

"A birdie with a yellow bill sat upon my window sill"

2007-07-18T19:13:00.000-05:00

So...when I was preparing for my grandma's funeral, I had purchased these really colorful petunias as centerpieces for the tables for the luncheon. I had hoped that people would take them home, but BDILE was the only one who did. So, I ended up with A LOT of the little seedling packs. For Mother's Day, I was given (well, actually I picked them all out, but it WAS my gift from Chief!) two hanging pots and four ground cover roses. We planted the petunias and roses about a week later and then hung the hanging pots on the front porch. They were really pretty, and I loved them.

Soon after, about a month, I thought I saw something in one of the hanging pots. Like feathers or something. I blew it off, and went on my way. About a week later, I noticed that the plants were already dead...the hanging ones...much to my dismay. The ones we planted in the ground were flourishing, but these were gone. I was going to have Chief take them down...but, again, I noticed something in the pot. Feathers. Weird. I told Chief he needed to check it out, but another couple of days went by. I stuck my head out the door one morning to "check the weather" and was startled by the head of a bird in that pot!! It scared me a trifle...but I then realized it was a morning dove! That little thing had made a nest out of my hanging pot!!! These pictures are the babies now hatched and gone. No sign of the mother...or the father, he actually sat in the nest with her a few times. They never made a sound or moved when we were all looking at them wondering what in the world... BDILE took pictures of the mother sitting in the "nest", but I don't have them...I think the babies are beautiful and they were so "fine" with my being out their with my Mom taking pictures of them! It was really cool!!

Now the pots are filled with dirt and dead flowers...I almost do not have the heart to remove them...maybe we will have another family move in!

For he's a jolly good fellow...

2007-07-13T02:27:00.001-05:00

His name is...well, I guess in the spirit of the blog, I cannot tell you his REAL name. But...BSE is who he is. He loved Cheerios when he was little...so I put the "o's" on the end of his name, and it stuck. He was such a cute little boy. Blonde and full of fire. Of course I do not have any pictures on my new computer of him (or of anyone else for that matter), but I will try to get some on a flash drive and post them before I finish this completely!

So...Cheerios turned 29 last Wednesday. Yeah...29. He was born after 18-1/2 hours (you better believe I count that half hour!!) of intense labor...on MY birthday! He was beautiful. My son. My very own little boy. My first child. His life changed my life completely. Totally. Gratefully. I was a single mom...he was the love of my life...then. And, in a way, he still is today.

Let me tell you about Cheerios. There is this bond between mother and son that goes beyond most comprehension, and unless you are the mother of a boy, it is difficult to understand. We were instant companions. I loved every minute I was able to spend with him. Oh...there were THOSE days...the ones where you wonder "what in the world am I thinking" thinking I could be a MOM?!!?!?! Believing I was the world's worst Mom ever, still, he would cling to me and hold on to me and love me like no one ever dared to before. He was adorable and a pain and sweet and frustrating and cuddly and precious and way difficult to get to obey, but he was MY SON. And I loved him with my whole heart and soul.

For 2-1/2 years, he was mine and mine alone...then he looked up into the eyes of the only man he would ever know and called him Daddy. It was heart warming. And scary. I would have to "share" him with another person who wanted to be called parent and now his love would be divided. But...not to worry...it was God's perfect plan. We were even closer. The two had become three. Then four...then five and we all loved one another even more! Hard to believe love can be that encompassing...but it is.

Cheerios is not only an incredible son and brother; he is now a wonderful husband and father. A hard worker and a prayer warrior. A Pastor and a worshiper. He is a "born again, blood-bought, spirit-filled testifyin' child of the King!" To coin a phrase. He is tons of fun and he cracks me up! He sings these little made-up songs just to annoy us...but we all end up laughing so hard we cry. And of course, he is the Green Bay Packer's SECOND greatest fan...I am the first!!! (Although HE would beg to differ!!) He is deeply in love with not only his beautiful wife, but with his Savior; and he loves to preach about Him. And he is GOOD at it. People love him...he is easy to love. He is easy to like! He is a beautiful soul and I love him incredibly.

Happy Birthday, Cheerios. And here's to MANY more we can share together!!

Mamma Mia...

2007-07-09T07:23:00.000-05:00

Well, here we are after dinner at Carrabbas. Kind of like Macaroni Grille, very nice and good food! We had a nice relaxing day today...breakfast at the hotel, the mall, dinner and then we played Battle of the Sexes, a new edition. Hard questions...the guys won! Duh...they had CHIEF! Anyway...it was good...and it was hot.

Here are the Three Cabelleros...or the Three Amigos...or the Three Hawaiians...WHATEVER! I can't believe they actually coordinated their clothes!! Funny, funny guys!!! Gotta love 'em!

Well...it's off to breakfast with Lisa...the guys a golfing! Stay tuned!!! It's our last day!!!!

First Day of VACA!!

2007-07-07T20:36:00.000-05:00

We are having a blast!!! This is Chief getting ready to go on Kolber's boat. He had a blast! And he got burned! OUCH! And here is Chief taking a picture of Tom-Tom taking a picture of Chief. Clever...huh? (PLEASE!)

Here is Tom-Tom hooking up to ski...he is definately a natural!

BFF...Chief is SO ready to go boating with you and Poppy!!

Tom-Tom IN the water...Tom-Tom ON the water!

The Cottage is beautiful, and so is the lake...and it was a beautiful day and we were SO tired and Kolber's fed us wonderful food!!

We have a beautiful suite and we are very excited to get out tomorrow to see some sights...maybe! We will be sleeping in and having care group devotionals in the morning. I LOVE vacation!!

So...it has been a very FULL day...catch ya on the flip-flop!!

2007-07-03T06:57:00.000-05:00

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom -I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

I copied this from BDILE's blog...she copied it from someone's myspace. She added a few things to her list...http://zech-n-lily-r-blessings.blogspot.com/ I guess I needed it today... and I can definately take much away because my children are all grown and having children of their own. Some of these things I don't think I have ever done...like forget the words to a lullaby...maybe once...things change as the children grow and become adults, yet, some of these things NEVER go away. I still wake up in the middle of the night...but now I pray because I know that I was awakened for that reason. I still cannot believe I can love someone this much...and hurt so deeply for them when they are hurting. Like now. It's such a deep pain...a gut-wrenching, weeping-til-you-fall-asleep pain. The I-wish-I-could-make-it-all-better kind of hurt. But I can't.

My precious Ra-Chigga. My precious angel-girl. She and The Mighty Hunter have decided to take a break for the next couple of months. She decided. She hurts. Deep. And yet, is at peace. And I wait with her, cry with her, sit with her, laugh with her and pray with her. And for her constantly. Not a decision that came on the spur of some fleeting moment...a long-time aching decision prompted by her passion for her Savior and her need to be yoked with someone who shares that same passion. She is afraid, yet calm. Hurting, yet at peace. She does not quite understand the peace right now, but thankfully has a brother, a sister-in-law, a sister and a brother-in-law (and Chief and I) who will lift her and hold her up before our heavenly Father who adores her. And friends and family within the reach of this journaling who will lift her up and understand her longing to be at peace and to be happy in her life. We all love The Mighty Hunter...our most fervent prayers go up for him.

As a mom...the most difficult thing for me to grasp onto over the many long, yet fleeting years is that there is someone who loves my children even more than I. How is that even remotely possible???? But He does...and I know He loves me just as much, even when I cannot find love for myself...He can. And He will love her through this...and so will we.

And the winner is...(all of us!!!)

2007-06-25T09:45:00.000-05:00

HAPPY

HAVING

GIRL!!!!

WOOHOO!!!!!

Blah...Blah...Blah

2007-06-24T23:30:00.000-05:00

So...we had this opportunity to go on a cruise. Somewhere...like Cozumel or something. I've never been, so right now the places aren't important. In February. Good deal...a marriage seminar thing, kind of. We decided NOT to go. Why??? Welllll...our FIRST thought (seriously!) was...we're supposed to go to AZ in December. How do we explain THAT? Actually...how do we do BOTH??? We don't. AZ is more important. Oh yeah...and we have this wedding thing to do in June. DUH!

Seriously...how could we possibly NOT see our best friends?? We love you guys...and we miss you terribly. I know you are all visiting right now...I am so jealous...but only for a couple of weeks...Happy and the NC fan will be here August 1! (And so will our BFF's!!!!) And TOMORROW we find out what she's having!!! I cannot wait!!

It has been so quiet around here...Rachigga has a new job and it's full time, and the hours are different almost every day and she has already put in 13 hours overtime and she only started 10 days ago. I miss her. She missed church today, she was supposed to pull a double shift today (3 p.m. to 7 a.m.) but she should be walking in the door any minute so she can sleep about 6 hours and work tomorrow 7-7. No one ever said real life was gonna be easy!

We went to a cool wedding on Friday...the reception was a DESSERT BAR!!! Four different stations...fruit bar, coffee bar (with chocolate covered strawberries), make your own ice cream sundae bar and of course a "cake" bar. Little cream puffs and cheesecakes and the wedding cake. Did I say cake??? Sorry, I mean the 5 tier wedding RICE KRISPIE TREAT!!!!! It was TOTALLY cool!!! And WAY fun!!! You all remember Joy Daniels...very fun! Saw Eric and his preg girl Em, that was interesting. He was all happy to see me...and because I love that boy so stinkin' much...I really was thrilled to see him. They looked happy.

So this is probably THE most random blog I have ever written and I think I should stop now. Because I am VERY tired and it's pretty much time for bed and I think Rachigga is home. It's 11:45 p.m. Yeah, I'm tired. Tapestry OUT!

Seacrest OUT!

2007-06-19T12:49:00.000-05:00

I had a really cool picture of me in my "gown" walking with Dr. D...my last time to walk...but I couldn't get it to copy, so, you should just try to imagine it!! It was cool...all smiley. That's how I felt that night. Graduation night. June 1, 2007. 7:00 p.m. My last walk with the people I have grown to love and respect, to honor the students I have grown to love and respect. It was, oh what's the word I'm looking for (feet...sorry, momentary lapse for a Little Mermaid inflection)... ummm...stimulating...exciting...inspiring. Sure, all those words mean pretty much the same thing, but; they are what sum up the air of that night for me. It was actually a short two hours...usually it seems to drag on and on, but not this night. I was even happy to hear PB's final farewell. A little campy, but he was actually pretty good...and brief. He "passed the torch" as it were, to Mrs. Nelson, which she whole-heartedly accepted. No, duh.

But, let me tell you, the highlight of the evening wasn't the walk, or the speeches, the kids, or my colleagues. It wasn't even my mad dash for the back door, getting into my mini-van and driving home in the rain. It was BEFORE I walked. Before we lined up. It was when I went up to my room to get my robe and found this oblong "thing" on my desk. You all know how much I really love American Idol. I do. I REALLY, REALLY do! So, I take a look at this "package". Approximately 9 x 13...a clear top...A CAKE!!! Cool. But...what's that written on top of it in big, thick blue and red frosting????

"SEACREST OUT!"

Only Lisa. She was the one. She made me laugh out loud and then cry almost exactly at the same time! I hadn't really thought about how much I would miss her, and almost everyone else. It was definately a "light bulb moment". So, I walked down stairs, cake and about 15 cards that students had left on my desk that last day, in my arms, and put everything in my van and went inside to line up and walk. It was almost the perfect ending to an almost perfect 9 year run.

So, I leave you with a picture of Chief and myself at the last event I will probably ever chaperone for CLS. Here's to the love, people!!!

Seriously...

2007-06-12T22:42:00.000-05:00

It's NOT about me! It's NOT about me!! It's NOT about me!!! IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!!!!!

I just can't figure it out, that's all. So many crisis' in my life since December...not me PERSONALLY, but they sure do effect you, ya know?!?! People I love, hurting, the loss of loved ones, 3 out of 10 were personal to me...an Uncle, an Aunt, my Grandma. (oh yeah...by the way, my BIOLOGICAL father passed on May 9. Not really upset about that, though...BFF and a few others know what I mean.) Still, young lives gone...first, a 49 year old...that's MY age...scared me a little bit, that's for sure. A heart attack. Scared me a lot, actually. Then a 22 year old...later an 11 year old. Now Austin hanging on by the very grace and mercy of God.

So, once more, we pray. Diligently. Profusely. Without ceasing. I will never figure it out. I know that. And I can accept that. And even though, it's NOT about me...it hurts as if it were.

Thanks for praying...AGAIN.

Goodbye doesn't mean forever...

2007-06-05T18:53:00.001-05:00

Okay...so this was going to be a blog about my leaving CLS and the graduation and the last meeting...blah, blah, blah.

Sorry. Not today. We got the call around 5:30 this morning. By 6:15 we were on our way up to Children's Hospital in Milwaukee. Some background: Chief and I took the Senior Pastor position in UG on January 1, 2006. In July 2005, when we didn't know a soul at that church, a little 9 year old girl, Maranda, had a double lung transplant. We met her in January. She was full of fun and spice and sweet stuff. She was a joy to watch, even when she was out of sorts. We grew to love her very quickly. In the spring of 2006, she got a cold. Then it was pneumonia. Months later, it was a drug-induced coma to help her little swollen body heal. They let her come home for Christmas, but it was back to the hospital soon after. Then she came home for a while. She lived with Grandma. She was most comfortable there...and feisty!! Like I said, full of spice. LOTS of spice!

She came to church when she could, spring is difficult with the newness everywhere. The blooming, the rain, etc. Then she was back in the hospital again. They knew her so very well...after nine years, you know they all became family to her. They scoped her lungs one last time.

She died at 11:00 this morning. She was 11 years old. Hardly fathomable, this little life could touch a soul in such a profound way. Strong to the very end. We held each other and cried, prayed and sang old hymns. She passed quietly, "without any fanfare, no trumpets, no loud noises, just gone." She stands, whole, with her Saviour. And mixed in with all of the weeping there is rejoicing that she is no longer in pain, no longer suffering.

I don't know, maybe she stands with Stephen, meeting him for the first time. Two young souls gone from this earth within three months. Ra-Chigga had a hard time. I am so glad she could be there.

So...that was our day. Anything else I COULD have blogged for today seems trivial now. I love my family. You ALL are my family. Thank you all for praying. :~)

Oh Yeah, Baby...

2007-05-27T23:23:00.000-05:00

Formal was a BLAST!!! I have a couple of pics to share from a Senior, more will follow!! It was a tremendously fun night, and they were definately surprised. I quote: "The songs were kinda lame, but it was the best formal ever!" They danced the Chicken Dance, the Electric Slide (of course) and the Cha-Cha Slide. The Footloose line and the polka. And a real Cha-Cha...that was cool, watching Ra-Chigga and the Mighty Hunter do THAT one!!! Sexy! Still, it WAS CLS, after all...so not THAT sexy. And of course, I don't have pictures of THAT!!!

The boys had super fun, as you can see. And it was so awesome to be a part of it all. I am so happy this happened before I officially left. Of course, I requested Boot-Scootin' Boogie and Cotton Eyed Joe, much to The Mighty Hunter's dismay. He hates Country...I am sure BFF can say a big AMEN to that!!!

We closed the place...well, we kind of HAD to, we WERE the chaperones. We laughed and danced in the corner (I did the Cha-Cha Slide twice!) And the food was incredible!! Happy about that, considering the Parkway Chateau is where Ra-Chigga and The Mighty Hunter will be having their reception.

So, anyway, I got these pictures from Amy Duerrwachter (anyone remember them???) This is her dancing the twist. She was sweet to let me upload her pictures from her laptop. I needed them for yearbook anyway, and I figured, no problem doing double duty here!! They all looked fabulous and we had a wonderful time. Best ever...I agree.

So, that's it in a nutshell. A blast, the bomb, totally rad, just fab, and rock solid!!

Now it's time for Nyquil and for this old lady to go to bed. Happy Memories!!

A Formal Farewell

2007-05-18T10:49:00.000-05:00

It's Formal night. Chief, Ra-Chigga, The Mighty Hunter and I will be chaperoning. There will be decorations. There will be Senior Court. There will be Senior Promenade. There will be food. There will be dancing.

That's right...DANCING. With a DJ. And cool music. And no parents. And...it's a secret. At least until now...I just told you! Now, for those of you who are alumni of the mighty ultra-Conservative CLS...you may be, well, dismayed. Or angry. Or disappointed. Or...you may not care at all.

I am majorly excited. Of course for the activity which brings the school actually into the 21st century, but mainly because this will be my last "official" act as a "teacher". A bittersweet reminder that my days here are becoming less and less. I counted all the Senior Votes this week...some of them will be read at Formal tonight...something they are not expecting. That will be cool, I will see the looks on their faces as some of categories are read and then the winners names! Not all of the categories will be shared tonight, some will be left for Senior Breakfast. Still, I am happy to have the opportunity! Did I mention we are dancing???

Ra-Chigga says I WILL be doing the Cha-Cha-Slide. Hmmm...maybe at the table. I am a great table dancer!

I will blog and hopefully post pics of this awesome night...I BELIEVE it will be an awesome night!

Totally, Tremendous, Terrific Twenty-Two

2007-05-15T11:19:00.000-05:00

Today is Ra-Chigga's birthday. She's 22. Hard to believe 22 years have passed with hardly a blink. Isn't she beautiful? You don't need to answer...OF COURSE she's beautiful! This is probably my favorite picture that EOO took of her. Now, Ra-Chigga would say that EOO could make ANYONE look beautiful, and EOO would say that as far as beauty goes, she was a dream to work with. I say... they are both right!!

Ra-Chigga has accomplished many things in her life, but, one of my proudest moments was when she graduated High School. There were some worrisome days there for awhile, but she totally pulled it all together and walked with pride that day!

She never thought she was a beautiful little girl, but, seriously, she really was. She can't see it, but I can. Mom's can see EVERYTHING...even the supposed "final" result of years of love and pain and laughter and anguish and love and anxiety and quietness and rebellion and love and anger and peace and...did I mention love? Because that's what there was the most of. Her face, her personality, she was a joy to watch grow.

She's a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, a grandaughter, a cousin, an Aunt, a friend and a fiancee. She's a student, a teacher, a servant, a prayer warrior, a missionary and an incredibly hard worker. She's a listener, a caregiver, a dancer, a singer, and she's A LOT of fun! She is incredibly talented and weirdly funny and makes us laugh uncontrollably. Still, her thoughts can be very deep and her love for Christ is overwhelming. She is my Angel Girl. She always will be. Even after The Mighty Hunter marries her and takes her out of my home and into their own.

Oh...and she is MOST DEFINATELY a Daddy's Girl. Again...isn't she beautiful?

Happy Birthday, Angel Girl. We love you incredibly.

2007-05-11T11:41:00.000-05:00

Well...after reading the posts about EOO's birthday, it got me to thinking about Ra-chigga. Her birthday is on Tuesday. I thought "how cool, BFF and one of EOO's BFF's posted a Birthday Blog for her!! I should seriously do that for mine!!" So, that's what I will do. It's in the making, I need to think a little...she's so fun...I want it to be fun! Watch for it! And thanks you guys for an absolutely "AMAZING" idea!!! Just had to put that word in! :~)

Today is B-E-A-U-tiful!!! The sun is shining, it's warm, it breezy and I am off at noon. And I pretty much have the weekend to myself! Chief and Ra-chigga are going to Waupaca with BDILE and BSE and the kids to judge the Fine Arts competition. Remember THOSE??? I am staying here because I have Ladies Bible Study. So, I get to clean the house alone and cook alone for our Mother's Day Lunch at our house. Fun. Now, that kind of sounds sarcastic, but I am actually looking forward to it. Well, not the cleaning part...eck. I am happy my Mom is home for Mother's Day and we will get to spend it together. I'm not sure how things will be...with Grandma's passing only last week. So, we'll have great food and fellowship and we'll sit on the patio and watch and laugh at the little ones and have a great afternoon. That is the plan!

Catch ya'll on the flip-flop! (That's CB talk for see ya lata!!)

A Mighty Woman of God

2007-05-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

My Grandma died on Tuesday. At 11:30 in the morning. The time is only significant to me, I guess. As I sit here writing this entry, I am printing her funeral bulletin. It has been quite a week, so far. Chicken (who now needs to be re-named RA-CHIGGA, way too cute when Z-man says it!) went with me to see Grandma on Monday. We sat with her for about 45 minutes, not that she really knew we were there, but it did make us feel better to see her and say our good-byes. She sat in her chair, gray-haired head tilted back, her beautiful face wrinkled and slightly distorted from the lack of teeth in her mouth. Her eyes half open, her mouth fully open, she was breathing heavily. She couldn't swallow any more, which meant she couldn't eat any more. She was dieing.

So, I kissed her head and told her I loved her...very much...and left the building she has called home for almost 10 years. We got in my van, and drove home. My Mom called me the next afternoon. I am so grateful I went to see her that one last time. And I am glad that Ra-Chigga was with me.

My Grandma was extraordinary. Her life story is full of God's grace and mercy and incredible miracles. There is so much I could say about her, but, it would be an awfully LONG entry, there wouldn't be room to contain it all. She was witty and smart and beautiful (wasn't she beautiful??) and talented...she had a beautiful soprano voice (I loved going to church with her when I was little and I could hear her sing) and she was a wonderful artist. She loved to dance...she loved life. And she loved her man, let me tell you!! And he loved her! He was her cherry and she was his poohggy. Adorable, ain't it?? He gave her a ring on this particular Christmas.

I loved her so much. When their only son was in an accident in 1968, she stood at his bedside after the doctors' came and told them he would never be anything more than a vegetable. He would never walk, talk, eat by himself; and they weren't even sure he would ever come out of the coma. There she stood...alone in her grief and made a deal with God. She told Him that if He would spare the life of her son, she would serve Him the rest of her life. God loved my grandma, too, and she kept her promise until the day she couldn't comprehend life any longer. My Uncle lived to be over 50 years old, walking, talking...and eating by himself. No, he was never the same, he needed constant care, but Grandma and Grandpa did it together.

Now, they are all in heaven, rejoicing together! She is dancing with her Cherry, and for the first time in 39 years, she sees her son as God created him. Whole and complete without blemish or that silver cane!! And her little boy she lost at birth...how incredible God is. There are no answers, no real words that comfort, but, it doesn't matter. Like I said in a comment to XOO...I am now at the age where the lack of answers just don't matter anymore (I paraphrase). I love God, and that's what I know as truth. I love my Grandma and I am eternally (literally) grateful for her prayer-warrior life.

Hug your parents, if you can...and even better...hug your Grandparents if you are blessed enough to have them in your life right now.

Good morning, and in case I don't see you...

2007-04-27T10:59:00.000-05:00

Well...Thursday afternoon was quite the emotional couple of hours. My Music Ministry class was incredibly attentive and worshiped with me acapella. After I prayed, I told them how I really loved being a Navy wife. I loved the moving and the change and newness of it all. I told them the story of when we received our orders to Rhode Island and having to leave homechurch and all our friends. How difficult it was...being torn between the excitement and the tragedy of it all. How I kept my eyes opened when PD prayed over the offering and watching Mom and Sis get ready to sing their first duet together and how God must have been sitting right next to me when He whispered in my ear "your task has been completed here, it's time for you to go." (cue the obvious choked-back tears) They were completely silent, eyes literally glued on me when I said, "so, I am saying to you, my task has been completed here, it's time for me to go." Actually, God had created a perfect divine moment in my life at that instant. (Back on Monday, I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell this particular group of students I was leaving...I love them so much; and even though I knew I was going to sing with them a chorus called "Enough", what was I going to say? Then God reminded me of His words to my spirit that Sunday back in 1990. Isn't He awesome? Absolutely.)

They were full of questions...not "who would take over?", not right away; but, what would I be doing? How was I? Then they wanted to know what was in store for them. I couldn't tell them. Because I do not know. But, I am praying that God will usher in the absolute perfect person for the task. That the admin will be fully seeking God for this particular class. After discussion, after they understood that it was very difficult to come to this decision, one of my students said "I don't think we should leave here without praying corporately for this situation and for Mrs. Ciske." So we did. It was kind, moving and refreshing. One student came to me and said that during prayer the Lord spoke to her to give me these verses: Proverbs 3:5 & 6. Unknown to her, they are my favorite verses because they are the verses my Grandmother gave to me before I left for California...my first move as a Navy wife. I am in awe of these incredible quasi-adults whom I truly love and cherish as if they were my own off-spring. I have prayed for them, over them and with them. Then there they were, praying for me. Sweet.

I have spent a lot of time talking about my "announcement" to my worship team kids...now at least a sentence or two about today. My Journalism classes. Yeah...I was right...not much really there. I had asked them to please not write or do homework while I was sharing information with them (like they usually do), and most of them (well ALL of them in 2nd and 4th hour, not as many kids in those two classes) did as I asked. Still, I had a girl working on math and using her calculator, hiding behind the girl in front of her (they ALWAYS think you can't see them!) and a couple of the guys propping their heads up with their hands with that mouth-hanging-open-dull-glaze on their faces. If they cared, they didn't show it, if it mattered, they didn't show that either. It was a rather defeating morning. I will still miss the majority of them. A few of my sophomore girls fo' sho'.

Anyway, that's "how it went", good, bad or indifferent, I am outta there June 1. ...good afternoon, good evening and good night!

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow...

2007-04-25T19:40:00.000-05:00

Okay...nothing incredible or amazing happening, I just felt like writing. I'm not even sure what to write about. Just...write...I guess. It's been a few days!!

An update on the whole "I-am-not-worthy-to-facilitate-a-Bible-Study" post: things went really well!! Of course they did! I am notorious for blowing things WAY out of proportion when I am nervous. Ten women (besides me) showed up, and I have 3 more who are coming next month as well. So, with me, that's 14! Exciting...and it IS an incredible study. It should be a great year.

Tomorrow, I tell my Music Ministry kids I won't be back next year. It has been a difficult week...so many students coming and asking me questions about teams and leading for next year. Plus students wanting to know about Journalism. I won't be telling those classes until Friday. I'm not worried about it being emotional for them, but I am worried I will be emotional and disappointed that they won't be. Make sense?? I have spent my whole life desperately NEEDING people to like me, it's like I want them to be upset I am leaving but I know deep down inside they really won't care at all. We'll see.

"Happy Birthday, dear Noah, Happy Birthday to you."

2007-04-15T22:20:00.000-05:00

Okay...no pics with this, sorry, I forgot my camera. And I am using some "real" names. For real.

Chief, BDILE, BSE, Z-Man, Flower and I went to a very special birthday party today. Noah turned one. A certain milestone for any child...that first year is so crammed with "stuff". But, this one was even more special. Noah's Daddy is with Jesus. Not that Noah has any clue that his precious father was in an accident and died while in a coma several days later, but he will wonder, someday, "whatever happened to my daddy?" Stephen Duecker was exactly 22 years, 2 months and 20 days old on the day that he died. On 2-20. Lots of 2's. Kind of weird. I am sure there's a significance in there somewhere, I just don't have the mind to figure it all out.

Still...it does make you wonder about life in and of itself. How precious it is. How long it ISN'T. How we take it for granted. How we glide through each and every day on a wing and a prayer and never for a moment wonder why. Why? No answer. Not one. Not even a HINT. A whisper. A glimpse. How so very sad it is that Sierra lost her love and Noah and Isaiah lost their daddy. How Noah never said "good-bye...see ya later, Pops." How Stephen missed this milestone in Noah's life. He never witnessed his first steps...he'll never hear him speak his first words. Noah will grow up, turn 5, 10, 15, graduate, go to college, get married and have children of his own (should the Lord tarry) and never have known his daddy. I just want to know how precious life is. Not just because my friends lost their precious son, but because I KNOW it is. In my heart...deep down in places we don't talk about much. In that place that makes you cry just to MENTION anything that remotely resembles the tiniest glimmer of your bare soul. When you think of how much you love your child. Your Mom or Dad. Your closest and dearest friend. Then they're gone. In a twinkling. In less than a blink. You think you have all this time. You don't. You wonder... "should I call" or "should I send this card"? You should. Most definately.

So...after a few hours of watching everyone play cool yard games and 3-year-old Isaiah take 2-year-old Z-man for a spin in his cool toy jeep around the grass (and hit a bush), singing to the birthday boy and eating cake, we went home. In the car, we talked about how good Dave and Cindy looked, how proud we were that Sierra had a good job, how she seemed together, and talked with our own little girl...Chicken, but not a word about Stephen. How much we missed him, (even though we hadn't seen him in "ages" before the hospital) or how he would have loved the party. Even that if Stephan were still alive, we probably wouldn't have even BEEN at the party. Bizarre, the stream of events that bring us full circle.

Happy birthday, Noah. And here's to many, many more.

"Veeger requires the information..."

2007-04-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

OH MY WORD!!!! This computer is WAY not worth initials...it needs the WHOLE PHRASE!!!! I wrote this entire LONG GREAT post and then it refused to display the page when I clicked it. AAAHHH...time for an upgrade...it's slow and annoying...I have Roadrunner for crying out loud...I should be able to sign onto my precious blog without having to comment on SOMEONE ELSE'S site...so please pardon the random comments you may receive...I just have so much in me to share!! Too many pictures, I suppose, time to break out the CD's and start burnin'!

Anyway...onto the real reason for the blog. It's 41 degrees outside! A virtual heatwave has descended upon us! And it's the LAST DAY OF SPRING BREAK! Of COURSE it is! I don't count the weekends during a break, I already get those off, so the weekdays are rare and precious between the months of September and May. So...God played a trick on us. He thinks He's so funny. Actually...He's the ONLY one who thinks He's funny (a line usually reserved for Chief). Now, now...my thinking is not blasphemy...I believe I can talk with God as I would with my closest friend. When I get frustrated, I say it. Period. It has brought us so much closer together! As long as I am willing to accept His honesty as well.

Again...I am really depressed (tongue-in-cheek) that it is the last day of vaca and I have to go back to those same four walls and those same apathetic students on Monday. And I am sure a few of them will be SO disappointed they are receiving a ZERO on their pages. Actually, they probably won't care at all...hence the apathy. In another week, I will tell them all that I will not be back to "advise" them next year...silent shouts of joy from most of them, I am sure, but, still, maybe a few tears from the closer ones who have put in a lot of time training ME! But that will be another post at another time. "Another time and another place..." Sorry...just reminicising for a moment.

So...tomorrow...in less than 24 hours... I will perform my first duty as a Pastor's wife. Ladies Bible Study. What was I thinking??? I am NOT A TEACHER!! Okay...I am NOT A FACILITATOR!! It is absolutely too late to turn back now. I have chosen and purchased the material, I have chosen the day, I have chosen the time, I put it in the bulletin, I sent out the reminder cards I so lovingly created on my slow, but needed computer. I guess the key phrase here would be: "I have chosen", wouldn't it? Okay...it's only one Saturday a month and it will be aptly and confidently taught by Beth Moore (one of the most annointed Bible Study teachers I have ever had the pleasure of learning through) and I can SO make cookies and a pot of coffee and put fruit in a bowl and set up tables and chairs and work a TV and DVD player. It's BEFORE the DVD. The "welcome to First Assembly of God and our first meeting on the study of Daniel..." and the words that follow that has me rattled.

Still...I am sure I will make many more mistakes than the ones I MAY make tomorrow morning, and Chief will still be the Senior Pastor, and they will still love him even though his wife can not say outloud a string of carefully chosen words without tripping on them. Too bad I can't just write them out for them to READ...now that would be easy! What's the phrase? Better to appear a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Something like that.

SO...tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...a better day! And I am on my way to Hobby Lobby! WOOHOO!

AAAHHHH...

2007-04-09T14:59:00.000-05:00

It's Spring Break. Wonderful, glorious, please-can-I-sleep-until-7:30 am Spring Break. It all actually started on Good Friday...except I was up at 5:45 am and too restless to sleep, I got up and went downstairs to go out to my car to get my camera so I could upload a picture of our church and place it on our new welcome brochures to give out at Saturday's Easter Egg Hunt. So...I fell down three stairs, out of the house and into the garage on my back. Yeah...ouch. Way ouch. I have joined the ranks of Chief who fell off a ladder in FRONT of the garage a few weeks ago and is STILL struggling with that wrist. I actually cried. Like really cried. I finally pulled my bruised and embarrassed self together, went up to the computer and worked on the brochure for about three hours. It looked GOOD!

Then...off to school to finish that yearbook so we wouldn't "incur any additional charges" by missing my Monday deadline. That took me three hours. Then out to lunch with the Chief, home to sleep while watching the Masters Tournament (YES, I actually WATCHED parts of it) and then to church to stuff plastic eggs with candy, and home to sleep and complain about my bruised body. Chief is a very patient man.

Now, it is Monday, the actual BEGINNING of MY Spring Break. I slept until 7, and forced myself to lie there until 7:30. I did laundry, worked on some computer stuff for school, had a Starbucks Mocha Latte (thanks Chicken), did the dishes and watched Andy Griffith. My shoulder still hurts like H-E-double toothpicks, and I have this HUGE bruise on my arm and my hip, but you know what??? Life is good.

"Cry, Cry, Weep, Wail and Moan!"

2007-04-04T09:08:00.000-05:00

So...maybe every other post title should be a line from a movie. Anyone know which one this is from??

Anyway...it is an appropriate title, I am feeling crummy. Stressed, depressed, warmly dressed and awkwardly pressed. It's cold. And incredibly windy. Thundering. No, wait, oh...yup. Thundering. With snow in the forecast. A white Easter with an outdoor egg hunt in the making. WOOHOO. It's "that time" and it's hurting because it was WAY late...like "oh-my-goodness,-I-think-I-could-be-pregnant" late, so it's really hurting. And I am sitting in school knowing I have this enormous deadline tomorrow and I CAN'T GET INTO THE STUPID WEB SITE TO COMPLETE MY PAGES! And, of course, my students haven't completed their assignments so that means I get to complete them because this is the school yearbook, their year chronicled for eternity, and the school would frown on paying for blank pages. So someone has to complete them. Guess that would be me. And a big, fat ZERO for them!

Definately an appropriate title. This is the point where I turn it all around and count my blessings and write about sugar and flowers and cinnamon and whatever other words would fit into this slot depicting happiness and harmony. But, you know what? Not today. because sometimes this IS the happiness and harmony. Life isn't all flowers and sugar (now, chocolate...that's a whole other post in and of itself!). I can accept that. I do accept that. In fact, if I didn't have days like this one, I wouldn't appreciate the great ones as much as I do. I know my blessings, I don't need to be reminded of them, they are blatantly in my path, and I am painfully aware that my complaining spirit diminishes the light of them. I am still hurting, although not as depressed, still warmly dressed though not as pressed as when I first got here. And I just found out that our rep for our yearbook company was fired.

The day is beginning to look brighter!

Can I Get a Witness??

2007-03-27T20:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I actually wrote this entry a long time ago...when Happy first moved to Virginia, but, I am finding that I need to post it again. Because I need it. Because some things never change. No matter how hard we try to make our lives better, there are just some characteristics that are inevitably unmovable.

Leave it to Chicken to pin point exactly what I need to help me through this time of transition with Happy leaving. I really, really, REALLY miss her! (Especially now that she is pregnant and I cannot be there for her. I was holding Flower the other day, and she was sleeping peacefully in my arms and I remembered how Beckie looked when she was a baby so I started to cry...) Chief and I gave Chicken the Women's Devotional Bible as a gift one Christmas. She just got a job as a nanny for two boys over the summer, and while she waits for one of the boys during his tennis lesson, she has been reading through the devotional. She came across two that she gave to me to read today, and I just wanted to share one of them with you.

I am a worrier. No doubt about it. I keep telling my kids and BDILE..."when you have children of your own someday, you will understand why!"

I don't ever remember worrying about ANYTHING until I had kids. I never cared if anyone liked me or wanted to be my friend, if I had a job or if I had a boyfriend; but then I had BSE, got married and the girls came along. (Yes, in that order) It seems like over night, I became this "worrier". (Too bad I didn't become a "warrior"! Prayer Warrior, that is! :~) ) It's hard for a worrier to pray. Worry distracts me. It can consume me. It makes me cry uncontrollably, and it makes me "think" too much. It depresses me. Worrying makes me worry more. :~) Chicken handed me her Bible and said, "Mom, you need to read pages 588 and 873. Have a good day and I'll see you when I get home!" And out the door she went. She thinks she's so smart!! :~)

Anyway...one of the devotions (page 588) is by Hannah Whitall Smith. She talks about the beauty of Lake Tahoe. It's 23 miles long, 10 miles wide and so deep that a line dropped 1,900 feet does not touch bottom. It lies 5,000 feet above the ocean. It is said that the Lake lies so still and clear, the eye can penetrate 100 feet into it's depths! She talks about the beauty of the snow capped mountains which surround the Lake, how peaceful and restful it is there. (God is an incredible decorator, isn't He??) She writes: "In the pressure of the greatest responsibilities, in the worry of the smallest cares, in the perplexities of life's moments of crisis, we may have the Lake Tahoe rest in the security of God's will. Learn to live in this rest. In the calmness of spirit it will give, your soul will reflect, as in a mirror, the beauty of the Lord; and the tumult of men's lives will be calmed in your presence as your tumults have been calmed in His presence."

I know this may not seem fitting, maybe it does. Maybe I just needed to write it out again. I am just worried. Stress at work...my house...my kids...my grandkids...Chief...me. I cry all the time. I am not really depressed...must be menopause...because (even though I am VERY late) THAT'S not happening. There, I guess I said it. Late. Scary, isn't it?? Please don't laugh at me!

I am always telling my students that if they are in a situation they cannot control, why worry about it?? Why can't I take my own advice??? WORRY IS JUST WASTED ENERGY!!!!

How not to worry? I leave you with this scripture:

"My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with it's mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore." Psalm 131

AND: "Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him'." Lamentations 3:22-24

Can I get a witness????? Anywhere????

"And the hits just keep on comin'..."

2007-03-19T11:36:00.000-05:00

OMW!!! I KNEW I loved movies, but this is ridiculous. Seriously. I definitely have an obsession. Maybe I need help. Okay...this is what I did, I started writing out the movies I love, and then I just decided to Google "The Top 100 movies of All Time" and take a look. OMW!! I had listed over 200 movies... then I thought, do I really LOVE them all???? So, I narrowed it down the best I could and here it is...I decided it would take me forever to list MY top 100 at the top, so I just put my top faves in bold...ABSOLUTE FAVES bold and italicized. And forget alphabetizing...I DO have a life (as mundane as it may seem), even though it looks as if all I do is watch movies. Of course, there's Idol, Lost, Medium, ELR etc. etc. etc. Have a ball...

1. To Kill a Mockingbird (my ALL TIME fave!)
2. A Time to Kill
3. Panic Room
4. Step Mom
5. Cheaper by the Dozen (1950)
6. Casper
7. Now and Then
8. Independance Day
9. Miracle Worker BOTH of them!
10. One Magic Christmas
11. The Wizard of Oz
12. Casablanca
13. Gone with the Wind
14. Some Like It Hot
15. Singin' In The Rain
16. Psycho (The Original)
17. Star Wars (all of them)
18. On the Waterfront
19. Vertigo
20. All About Eve
21. Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs
22. 2001: A Space Odyssey
23. The Grapes Of Wrath
24. Mr. Smith Goes To Washington
25. The Maltese Falcon
26. Schindler's List
27. Pale Rider
28. North By Northwest
29. The Bridge on the River Kwai
30. Face Off
31. The Others
32. Midlight Lace
33. The Graduate
34. It's A Wonderful Life
35. Annie Hall
36. The Adventures Of Robin Hood 1938
37. The Yearling
38. Old Yeller
39. High Plains Drifter
40. Bambi
41. Life with Father
42. Our Town
43. Yankee Doodle Dandy
44. The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
45. On the Town
46. Going My Way
47. Jezebel
48. McClintock!
49. The Mummy
50. The Mummy II
52. White Christmas
53. Top Gun
54. Dumbo
55. Samson and Delilah
56. Gaslight 1944 (this is the SECOND one!)
57. I Remember Mama (ahhh...the Norwegian in me)
58. The Little Foxes (with Bette Davis)
59. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (good book, good movie)
60. Miracle on 34th Street
61. The Spiral Staircase
62. Rear Window
63. Brigadoon
64. Dial M for Murder
65. Mister Roberts
66. Holiday Inn
67. The Quiet Man (ahhh..the IRISH in me!)
68. Beauty And The Beast
69. White Heat
70. Rebel Without A Cause
71. Mildred Pierce
72. The Shop Around The Corner
73. In the Good Ol' Summertime
74. Sleepless in Seattle
(all three of these movies are similar in content and very good!)
75. A Star Is Born with Judy Garland
76. A Star is Born with Barbra Striesand
77. State Fair
78. Wuthering Heights
79. Lost Horizon (1937 and 1973)
80. Little Women 1937 with Katherine Hepburn
81. Little Women 1949 with June Allyson
82. Little Women 1994 with Winona Ryder
83. Top Hat
84. Dark Victory (oh my word...a Bette Davis GREAT)
85. The Thin Man
86. Meet Me in St. Louis
87. Laura
88. The Haunting (1963)
89. Father of the Bride with Spencer Tracy
90. Father of the Bride with Steve Martin
91. Interview With a Vampire
92. The Fly with David Hedison
93. Oklahoma!
94. The African Queen
95. An Affair to Remember
96. 12 Angry Men
97. Anastasia with Ingrid Bergman
98. The Ten Commandments
99. War of the Worlds (1953)
100. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
101. My Fair Lady
102. West Side Story
103. Funny Girl
104. Inherit the Wind (God vs. Evolution!)
105. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
106. The Sound of Music
107. The Innocents (1961…almost rated X for a kiss!)
108. Elmer Gantry
109. Breakfast at Tiffany's
110. Mary Poppins
111. The Nutty Professor with Jerry Lewis
112. All the President’s Men
113. Hair
114. Norma Rae
115. Kramer vs. Kramer
116. The Sting
117. Young Frankenstein
118. Raiders of the Lost Ark
119. Ordinary People
120. The Breakfast Club
121. The Princess Bride
122. Terms of Endearment
123. When Harry Met Sally
124. Rain Man
125. Stargate
126. Take Me Out to the Ball Game
127. A League of Their Own
128. Signs
129. Contact
and because I used a line for my title, I certainly cannot leave out:
130. A Few Good Men

Okay...I REALLY had a difficult time deleting movies from this list...feel free to add any you like best, in case I haven't covered them here!! The list is by no means exhaustive! I do love Disney, and Gene Kelly movies, and Christmas movies, but really felt I shouldn't list them ALL here...you get the idea. Not a fan of gorry nasty bloody movies either. You tell me...what are YOUR favorites?!?!!? And did I list ANY of them here in MY top 130??? :~)

2007-03-16T16:10:00.000-05:00

This must be somebody's list of the the 100 books everyone should read. It was fun going through this b/c I do love to read and I don't do it as much as I should. Well, 1 at a time. The ones I’ve read are in bold. The ones I want to read (or have started and abandoned) are in italics. I've left alone the ones that I'm not interested in.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (J.R.R. Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (J.R.R. Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (J.R.R. Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (J.K. Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (J.K. Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (J.K. Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King) and I am weird...I really love his stuff!
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (J.K. Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams) I actually HAVE this book!
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (George Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible Okay...DUH, I'm a PASTOR'S wife!
46. Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Charles Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Scott Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (J.K. Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davies)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Victor Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Helen Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence) I have heard this is really good...maybe this summer
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (John Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley) I have not read this, but one of my students did a review on it for me!
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In the Skin of a Lion (Michael Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (William Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

Feel free to add your own faves. I'm pretty embarrassed that so many of these I've not read. This list is by no means exhaustive... and I am sure that the books I would add would never make this list of super-readers! Too bad...I'm adding them anyway! :~)

A Wrinkle in Time (Madeline L'Engle)
The Pink Dress (not sure who wrote this...I can't find it anywhere)
My Side of the Mountain (Jean Craighead George) This is a true story
Blue Willow ( Doris Gates, Paul Lanz)
The Velveteen Rabbit (Margery Williams)

Okay, I am sure you've noticed that these are children's books...BUT...easy and actually quite good. Try it, you'll like it!

Also...pretty much anything by Max Lucado. Frank Peretti. Looks like I may be alone with those authors, though!

OKAY...THE MOVIE LIST IS ON THE WAY!!!

I'm sorry you had to find out this way

2007-03-15T11:02:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a good run here at my school...but it's over. Yup, you read that right. Me...Mrs. C, gone, kaput, Sayonora, out for the count... okay...let's just say retired. It's better than fired...even though that's kind of what it was. Mr. T brings me into his office and says, "you know, this is really hard for me. We're friends. And we love you here. And there is just no easy way to say this. We will not be offering the Journalism class next year. At least not in it's present format. You sent an e-mail to Mrs. Admin, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

I am cool. Calm. Collected. No...REALLY, I am almost leaping inside that this decision of to return or not to return is being made for me. I have been struggling with returning to school since my surgery last May, and now I know the answer. I get to stay home. I won't need to wake up at 6 am anymore unless I WANT to. At the beginning of this school year, I sat in his office pouring my heart out to him that I feel I have just lost the passion for Journalism...not that there was really a PASSION, but my creativity in this area was waning. I just couldn't come up with another new curriculum. I have had 7 different curriculum and 8 was just not coming to me. I was struggling big time!

And let me tell you this, the arrogant, mindless drivel that spills out of the mouths of some of my students is exacerbating the desire to leave this once beloved place. I just want to shake them. Or slap them. (Maybe on the last day of school.) They think they are smarter than any teacher they encounter, and that is very troubling to me. What happens when they get to college and work with Phd's and Professors??? Knock 'em down a few pegs...ya think??? Not that I won't miss the ones who really want to learn and write and express themselves; I certainly will. Although as I was told (with that half-smile, half-chuckle that tells you "take this as a joke, but I'm really not kidding") after our first paper came out in October: "This school does not have freedom of the press. This school does not have freedom of speech." No, duh. You know, the old commercial: "Never had it, never will?" Antiquated, archaic minds. Difficult. And glad to be leaving that stressful thinking!

Now, worship...that's an entirely different story. When I decide to let all my students know that I will not be back next year, I will tell them first. Because they deserve it, and I will miss them the most.

I wonder if they will miss me?