No Rest For the Weary...

It has been an incredibly busy few weeks...and there is no rest in sight. Seriously. I am up late because I can't sleep...I am exhausted, but I toss and turn...trying to force my eyes closed...force my mind to be silent. Not working. How long is this going to go on? I know it cannot last forever...but; it sure seems like it could. I just do not see the proverbial light at the end of this very LONG tunnel.

Sometimes...I really hate being a woman. I hate this whole change of life thing. Didn't Christ come to cover the sin? Shouldn't the curse of Eve have been irradicated? Wishful thinking, huh? Seriously, though. This, like, totally bites. :~)

Okay...a little graphic here...I will try to keep it mellow for the weaker mindset. Two weeks on...one week off. Four weeks on...one week off. And now we begin another cycle...exactly how long this time will last is beyond me. But I can tell you it is certainly frustrating me to no end. I just want to cry. No...weep. My sweet daughters...their response: poor Dad. Probably because I have said that I feel awful for him. I know that "lack of intimacy" frustrates him. And he has been fairly okay with that. Inside joke.

After I started yet ANOTHER cycle this afternoon...I no longer feel sorry for him. I just do not have the energy to feel guilty that...well...for lack of a better terminology...he's not getting any. I AM EXHAUSTED. I WANT TO CRY ALL THE TIME. I BLEED FOR DAYS AND DAYS ON END. I AM EXHAUSTED. (Did I say that already?) "You should go and see the doctor." "Isn't there something you can take for that?" Oh my word. I am REALLY trying to NOT be a nag...to NOT be (sorry) bitchy. To understand that this is not helping him with his...tension. I don't have time to see a doctor. I have a house to clean...laundry to do...grandkids to watch...worship to plan...food to buy...meals to cook...a bridal shower in a week...a "vacation" to go on...a wedding to organize. I am just a little busy right now. AND...I am behind on a couple of the most important things to do for the wedding! I have bills to pay...friends to see...prayers to pray...children to love...grandchildren to spoil...a husband to adore. I am just a little busy right now.

I so need writing. It is so theraputic. Isn't it? It just helps put things into perspective. Sometimes. I am still weepy...but I know that this too shall pass. I am on another cycle...but hopefully...prayerfully...it won't last as long as the last one. SO I probably won't get to go to the pool on vacation...but I will be with all my kids and three of my grandkids. My family is so very tolerant of me. I am still seriously tired. In my body...my mind...my spirit...in my bones. I don't know what I need. But, I do know that whining about it certainly won't keep it from happening.

And...I do so love my husband. He is quite patient...and kind...and he's "okay with that".