Christmas 2009...

Well, it's "over". The presents, wrapped...then torn open with shrieks of joy...food consumed...games played..."Christmas Story" watched probably fourteen times...the thank-you's, the hugs, the smiles, the laughter. And we did it all three times over. It was a beautiful Christmas...literally. So blessed to have Happy and her family here for a few days. It really was a perfect Christmas. Now on to the remains of the day...or year, to be more specific.

2009 was...well...fleeting. I cannot even begin to remember everything that happened this year...it seems it flew by in a flurry of colors and a rush of so many different emotions; all to end up here, where we are today. A pregnant daughter, a pregnant daughter-in-law and the birth of a new baby were definitely the highlights. And another new baby coming in one week.

A trip to see Happy...visits from family and vacationing with friends all of which will undoubtedly be repeated this year as well! And we look forward to that repetition!

"O Lord, what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of Him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow.: Psalm 144:3-4

That God would be so inclined to bless me in such a way is beyond my comprehension. I am eternally (literally) grateful for His mercy and grace shown to me throughout this year. My prayer for this upcoming year is that I would grow even closer to my Savior...to my family...my children...my grandchildren...my precious friends. My wonderful, adoring husband. That our little church would be moved by his Holy Spirit to worship Him deeper. To find ourselves in continual prayer for one another and for this world in which we live. Would you be so kind as to include me when you pray throughout this year?

I am in love with my life...and grateful for all God has provided for me. I pray you are all in this same place: loving your life and indebted to the One who made it all possible.

Praise!!

(Aren't my grandchildren B-E-A-UTIFUL????)

Caution...

...objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

So...have you ever reached for something (figuratively speaking) that seemed impossible to touch? Yeah, that's where I am right now; and I just wanted to share what I have discovered about the whole grab-the-brass-ring-reach-for-the-stars mentality.


Not that I am even sure what it is I am reaching FOR, I just know there's something out there and it seems just beyond my reach. When I was in The Dells for a short weekend vacation a couple of weeks ago, I took this picture of my mirror and it just hit me: that would be a great blog! Then I posted the pictures and promised the pic would become part of a future blog, and now, here I am. Blogging.


Here's the epiphany: sometimes the things we are stretching our hands out to are closer than we think. They are actually right in front of us. We can't touch them because we think that when we are wondering about our life, wondering about where we should be, we reach beyond the intended prize...so to speak. We pass the ring right along because our gaze is fixed on something entirely different than what is intended at that moment. We miss it. Completely. Everyting has to be complicated. Worrisome. Fretted over. Even depressing, for it all to MEAN something.


I'm getting something from this. I'm growing. And it will all be revealed in good time.


Waiting and watching...

Here She Is...

This is my new grandbaby. She came into this world on Friday, September 25, 2009 at 3:30 p.m. and weighed 6lbs 14oz and measured 20 inches long. After 7 hours and 45 minutes of labor and 45 minutes of good solid pushing...she's precious and beautiful and tiny and perfect. Look at that beautiful face...that thick black hair. And those REALLY LONG fingers. Yeah, she'll play the piano.

Rachigga was amazing (yeah, you read that right). She held up through labor and delivery like a pro. I am so incredibly proud of her. My last baby had her first baby. Remarkable.

Now, I need a name for this little bundle of preciousness. Let's see...I have Z-man and Flower...Beautiful...Bright Eyes and New York...this little joy is such a tiny little...peanut. My little peanut.

I feel like I need to be writing something...profound here. And this is what I have: when I look at her, I am in awe. Like I have been waiting for her for such a long time. I love all my grandbabies. All of them. They are all unique and precious to me. They all hold some special something within me. And this little Peanut is no different. And yet, she is. Oh, maybe they ALL are. Maybe because it's my last child experiencing a final first in life...there are no more "firsts"...at least not for a long time. Rachigga's pregnancy...her labor...her delivery...the first time she nursed...I am flooded with my own memories of those "firsts" in my own life. Somehow, I miss it. I wonder how in the world did I come to this point in my life? How did I "survive"?

Words for another day...for now...I cherish each and every waking and sleeping moment I spend with Peanut; because soon I will get to hear the word that tugs at my heart whenever any of those babies say it..."Oma".

Yeah, You Heard Me Right...

115 days. Can you even guess?? Now, you all are probably thinking about my new grandbabies coming. One in 23 days and the other in, well, more than 115 days. So, no, it's not my precious grandbabies coming to greet Oma.

For those of you know me all too well...I am listening to Andy Williams Red Album right now. At this very moment. It is one of my absolute favorite albums ever recorded...right next to his Green Album.

Red. Green. That's right. Christmas. 115 days until Christmas. Even better, 91 days until I can actually celebrate the SEASON. I am sure it is the nostalgia that makes this season so special to me. It really isn't the snow or the cold...it's the memories. It's the joy that accompanies the era. "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"...yes, that's what's playing right now.

And, as much as I would LOVE to be appropriately spiritual right now, it's not even about Jesus. (Because, really, shouldn't we be celebrating Jesus every day of the year??)

It's just about...Christmas. I love it.

The weekend after Thanksgiving (another fave holiday), we clear out the living room...the corner by the window, the tables, some of the pictures come off the wall...even the kitchen, family room and bathroom get cleared out. And they are then prepared for the seasonal decorations. And there are MANY decorations. Because I love them...and because I can. So I do.

The snowmen...the lights...the garland for the banister...the stockings (I'm gonna need two more)...the tree...the ornaments. Oh the ornaments. My tree is very...well...shall we say...eclectic? I LOVE IT. It reminds me of my Grandma and Grandpa. And home. My home. And all of those years we spent away from home. The cookies...hot chocolate...eggnog...turkey. Family...babies...grandchildren...and I get to GIVE to all of them. Presents...wrapping paper...and my handmade cards.

I can hardly wait for the season to begin. To celebrate with my children and their children. To see their faces light up...not just at the opening of the gifts, but at every family gathering...at every song they sing for the occasion...listen to them giggle and watch them play in the snow.

Why is it so different? I have no idea. Maybe it IS about Jesus. Maybe we are closer at that time of the year because of the reason we all celebrate. For me...it's because it reminds me of a time when life was a little simpler, just as it reminds my parents of a simpler time. When life wasn't so fast-paced. No Internet. No iPhone. No Blackberries. No Facebook or Myspace.

Maybe it's too early to be thinking about Christmas. Maybe it's not the right time to be thinking about a simpler life. About family gatherings and hot chocolate. Giggling grandchildren and mountains of wrapping paper. Twinkling lights and decorated sugar cookies. Eggnog and turkey with stuffing. Maybe I should just contend with today. With now.

But, I simply cannot help myself!

Really.

It's been so long. Way too long. Wondering what in the world is the matter with me...not writing...that's just not like me. I have been reading other blogs to, maybe, be inspired...nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Maybe I am just not "in it". Maybe I've lost my "umph". Or the ability. **GASP**

So, here I sit, not feeling 100% (whatever THAT means)...physically...mentally...emotionally. That SHOULD be the PERFECT time to jot SOMETHING down. ANYthing. I hear peals of thunder...it's raining...I am REALLY, REALLY hot...I am home alone...I don't have anything to say?!!?! REALLY!?!?!?

Really. Later.

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights...

...okay, not really WASTED, per se. Time spent searching out God in my life is NEVER wasted time. Still, that is how I felt last night as this "Daniel Fast" thing came to an end.

An end, you ask? Yes. An end. No, the 21 days are yet to be complete, but this particular part of the journey is over, and a new one has begun.

"It is often called a "Daniel Fast". Yes, it's Biblical..." My own words, here. And they are not ENTIRELY accurate. I said Daniel FASTED 21 days...well, it doesn't say that. Exactly. As a matter of FACT, in the King James Version, "fasting" is only mentioned twice in the entire book. And only once concerning Daniel himself. Oh, he deprived himself of choice food, meat and wine; and then it was while he was in MOURNING.

Chief and I struggled all week. Not because the enemy was lurking around every corner; but, because we just were not certain that this is what God was asking us to do. We just couldn't get that nagging feeling to go away. Not about actually FASTING, but HOW we were fasting. So, we sought out counsel...and we got it. Thank you Cheerios and Photomom. Please understand, they did not change our minds, or tell us that what we were doing was bogus. On the contrary...they were entirely supportive in our decision from the beginning. That conversation only confirmed what Chief and I were thinking, INDIVIDUALLY, all week long.

So...you want to know what happened at 4:45 this morning? I woke up singing and praying! And not singing a song you would think...like praise or worship...but the chorus to "We Will Stand". An old song by Russ Taff. More on that in a minute...

Fasting is not about worrying over what food I should eat or not eat. The Online Dictionary shows this as one definition of the word "fast": to abstain from all food. And this: an abstinence from food, or a limiting of one's food, esp. when voluntary and as a religious observance; fasting.

God revealed to us both, that the purpose of fasting is to draw closer to God. To be in His presence. The focus is on GOD. Not on food. And, unfortunately, our focus was on what we were allowed to eat, and what we were NOT allowed to eat. Our devotion and prayer time were hindered because we just could not move away from those thoughts. No matter how hard I tried, I was continually thinking "I cannot serve Chief this food, what can I make him for dinner that's legal?" Hmmm...legal. Not a good word to have as a part of my vocabulary during a time of fasting. There is nothing legalistic about fasting. It's about obdience.

And I so want to live an obedient life before my Savior!

How do you not focus on food during a fast? Photomom said it best...eliminate it completely. Then you can ONLY focus on God.

So...we ARE fasting. And PRAYING. Seems like we forgot about the praying part during all this worrying and wondering! We will fast our afternoon meal and pray TOGETHER. (Chief is working nights right now.) For Chief, it's about where God wants him to go concerning the Church in which God has entrusted him. For me...I want to support my man! Seriously...that really is why. I want to be an encouragement to Chief and to stand with him as he stands before the Father.

And the song? Well, I kind of just stated that...here are the words to that chorus:

"You're my brother, you're my sister,
So take me by the hand;
Together we will work until He comes.
There's no foe that can defeat us,
When we're walking side by side;
As long as there is love,
We Will Stand!"

Amen?

A Journey of a Thousand Miles...

...begins with a single step.

So, I'm taking my first step. Chief and I are embarking on a 21-day fruit and vegetable fast together. We begin today. No meat...no dairy...no sugar...no coffee...just water, fruits and vegetables and ONE grain of choice.

It is often called a "Daniel Fast". Yes, it's Biblical, and yes that is the reason we are doing it. Because we feel God has something for us. And we need to fast and pray.

I have been reading A LOT about fasting. The purpose, the struggle, the sacrifice, the beauty. The idea that when you withhold some of life's little pleasures, you will somehow discover the meaning of life.

That sounds very sarcastic. I really do not mean to be, it's just that we don't do this kind of thing anymore. And I think that's sad. That we do not embrace ALL of what God has intended for us because some of what He has intended may be a bit uncomfortable. Like fasting. As Christians, we have turned fasting into some iconic gesture that only the most pious can attempt to attain. Christians just do not fast any more. I read...somewhere...that the church doesn't fast because we are a consumer-driven society and fasting is just not...well...NOT. Why would you want to FAST? Give up meat? COFFEE? Milk? Food???? We have decided that fasting can now be materialistic. We can fast the television. The computer. Electricity.

I just do not think this is what God had in mind. I do not believe that when Jesus said "when you fast and pray..." He meant..."when you stop watching T.V. for two hours, please spend some of that time with me, okay?"

Daniel fasted 21 days until the Angel came to give him the answer to his prayer. "I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips; and I used no lotions at all until the three weeks were over." He was in mourning over his beloved Jerusalem. God had given Daniel a dream. Daniel fasted and God gave him vision.

The purpose?

I want vision. I want to know my Savior. His vision for ME. For my husband. For my family. For my church. I want to be immersed in His presence. Know His will for ME. What am I supposed to be doing? Where am I supposed to going? I know this relationship shouldn't be so...SURFACE. To be closer to the One who loves me unconditionally...who waits for me hour after hour for a glimpse of me to share my life with Him for just one moment. I want to know HIM. To understand my FATHER. To know the HOLY SPIRIT living within me.

The struggle?

Ummm...NOT EATING! Just kidding. Sort of. I guess struggle and sacrifice could go together. Because it IS a struggle to sacrifice that which you LOVE...like food. The early church lived a fasting lifestyle. They fasted as often as they could, because they knew they should. Because to be like Jesus means that you try to live as He did. To touch as He touched. To see as He sees. To be "Jesus with skin on". And Jesus fasted. And prayed. So much more, then, should we fast and pray.

The beauty?

Ahhh...this would be the best part, of course. As I deny my flesh...I feed my spirit. And my spirit needs to be in tune with the Holy Spirit. The Holy peace...joy...understanding...compassion. I want it all. And I want it for Chief. We are fasting as individuals, individually, for a corporate purpose. Chief will be challenging the church to fast and pray for 21 days on June 7. We want to fast and pray for 21 days NOW so the vision for our church is clear. So Chief and Cheerios can be the best Pastors to an awesome congregation of people. So our church will grow...not just in number, but in spiritual maturity. So, when it's over, they can say...it's time for meat. Not physical meat...but SPIRITUAL meat. No more milk...it's time to grow up. To go out and touch their community for the cause of Christ!

So...this IS a journey of a thousand miles. Because you cannot ask what you are not willing to do. And I am ready to take that first step. Will you do me the honor of walking along with me? At least to pray with me and encourage me?

Hosea 12:6 "But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always."

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes."

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

And Zephaniah 3:17. You can look that up yourself. :~)

My New Obsession...

Okay...so it's not really NEW, perse...but I am finding new and different venues to keep up with my love for scrapbooking and cardmaking. I would love to get REALLY good at it and sell the cards...someday. Maybe.

I made these for a friend whose daughter is having a baby in June/July. The shower is in May.

I have decided to make her Thank You cards, too. (They won't ALL look like this...I will make different colors...just because.)

And...just for your viewing pleasure...Easter and Christmas.

So...

...I went to Virginia a couple of weeks ago to visit Happy and Beautiful. Oh...and OF COURSE NCFan. :~) I had a wonderful time with my girls...NC had to work, and he wasn't home much.

I cannot believe how big Beautiful is getting, and how well she speaks! Well...she DOES talk very well...but NOT as good as her Mommy when SHE was 16 months old. I don't think ANY baby talked as well as Happy did. She was...well...born to talk! And if you know her AT ALL, you know I speak truth!

I arrived on Saturday, so I was able to go to church with Happy...and it was AWESOME! I am so happy that Happy found a church where she can use the gifts God has given her. Praise Him. It was a thrill to be able to worship with my baby once again. Unfortunately, she was sick and couldn't sing the solo she was assigned..."Every Mountain". OH BABY..I so remember doing that song at KFA...and it moved me once again. Happy and I stood while the choir sang and we sang from the congregation...what a blessing!

I will not bore you with the awful details of my flight to and from...suffice it to say that I will probably never CHOOSE to fly alone any more. Chief will fly with me (or SOMEONE will) or I will not fly. I'll drive! I'll tell you about it someday. If I can get through the stories without crying. Big BABY!

ANYWAY...enjoy the pics...I sure do!

Yeah...we were out for breakfast Sunday morning...she was finished with her banana and she wanted to go. NOW. Precious.

She LOVES her horsey.

Happy and Beautiful...so...happy...and...beautiful!

Out for a walk...she's using my sunglasses as a phone..."heyo? Oma?" :~)

My fave...breakfast Tuesday morning. What a face...what eyes! Isn't she beautiful???

By-the-way...in case you didn't know...Beautiful will meet new cousins this fall. PhotoMom AND Rachigga are having babies. I'm thinking the quiver is about full! :~)

Z-Man is FOUR!!

I can hardly believe that four years ago, my very first grandchild was born. My FIRST. He was the first one to say "OMA". The most beautiful sound ever in all of the entire world. Really.

And he is as beautiful today as the first time I laid eyes on him. Seriously...isn't he beautiful?

Photomom and Cheerios had a party for him on Sunday...a Greenbay Packer Party. Of course. He looked awesome in number 4. He and his friends played games and we ate that great Packer cake...made by Photomom herself.

This last pic was his first as a Packer fan!

His actual birthday was yesterday. He turned 4 on the 4th. Yup...his golden birthday. We had bar-be-cued chicken sandwiches and chips and more cake. He is just growing so fast. Too fast for Mom and Dad...way too fast for me. Still...I am totally enthralled with his grasp on life. His own little world. He is so smart. And pretty practical. 'Hey, Oma...wanna see my new toy?' He loves Cars...DVD's...playing on the computer and the Wii. He is so smart. Did I say that already? And, really thoughtful! He loves his little sister...he is a wonderful, loving, protective big brother!

I am so excited to see what this new year brings...more growing...new adventures...Happy Birthday, Z-Man...I love you with all of my heart!

Okay...PhotoMom tagged me in a Picture Game! I am supposed to go into my pictures folder, then into the fourth folder and upload the fourth picture from that folder. So...here goes:

This is Chief and Beautiful. He strapped her on to go out and mow the lawn! It was a hoot!! SO...here, also, is the fourth picture after that one:

It was a beautiful day...a wonderful week...I look forward to this years visit!!

Now, I am supposed to tag people...but I do not know how to do that. I'll try, though!

"Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven."

Like my new look? Me, too. See that picture? I took it yesterday. It was cold...I was on my way to prayer and this was the second stop-in-the-middle-of-the-road I made on my way.

I love this tree. I see it everytime I take this particular street to get to church. (There are several back-road ways to get to our church...I know them all.) I just thought it was particularly beautiful...raw, naked...a striking contrast against the newly fallen white powdery stuff.

Then I thought...that's the way WE should be. In the world, I mean. As Believers, we should be a striking contrast against the hue of this world; don't you think? Our lives should be readily seen from a distance, much like this tree, it should stand out; cause people to take a second look after that first glance. We should be turning heads.

I am finding myself struggling with standing out. With becoming a risk taker. I cringe at the thought of another rejection, at the sight of a really puzzled look or the sound of someone giggling at my words or actions. That blank stare as I am speaking about something I am passionate about...no one "catching the vision".

There was a time in my life when it REALLY mattered if what I did met the approval of someone I was trying to impress. And I was ALWAYS trying to impress SOMEONE. That was a different time. A far away place I thought I had traveled past. Apparently not. Maybe I was just on really big turnstyle. A circle I never noticed. Now it dawns on me that the one person I should be trying to "impress" is Jesus. Just Jesus. Like the saying goes: I am singing for "an audience of ONE."

Yeah...way back when it was about my singing. Sometimes it still is...when I hear little comments not really meant for my ears, or comments directed at me which should have been worded differently. Creative people can be so sensitive sometimes! :~)

So...I look at this tree...gnarled, thick bark which protects the tender rings of growth; standing firm in the middle of an open field facing the elements of winter and standing tall and strong. I see a beautiful God-creation...with scars...with imperfections...just what God intended me to see...His beauty against a barren world. That's how we impress the masses...standing strong against the elements of this world, our Godly armor protecting the tender rings of growth in our lives, planted on a firm foundation...a stark contrast against the chaos of this world.

I need to stand out. I need to take risks. And I will. I am. For an audience of One. To reach an audience of many.