Good morning, and in case I don't see you...

Well...Thursday afternoon was quite the emotional couple of hours. My Music Ministry class was incredibly attentive and worshiped with me acapella. After I prayed, I told them how I really loved being a Navy wife. I loved the moving and the change and newness of it all. I told them the story of when we received our orders to Rhode Island and having to leave homechurch and all our friends. How difficult it was...being torn between the excitement and the tragedy of it all. How I kept my eyes opened when PD prayed over the offering and watching Mom and Sis get ready to sing their first duet together and how God must have been sitting right next to me when He whispered in my ear "your task has been completed here, it's time for you to go." (cue the obvious choked-back tears) They were completely silent, eyes literally glued on me when I said, "so, I am saying to you, my task has been completed here, it's time for me to go." Actually, God had created a perfect divine moment in my life at that instant. (Back on Monday, I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell this particular group of students I was leaving...I love them so much; and even though I knew I was going to sing with them a chorus called "Enough", what was I going to say? Then God reminded me of His words to my spirit that Sunday back in 1990. Isn't He awesome? Absolutely.)

They were full of questions...not "who would take over?", not right away; but, what would I be doing? How was I? Then they wanted to know what was in store for them. I couldn't tell them. Because I do not know. But, I am praying that God will usher in the absolute perfect person for the task. That the admin will be fully seeking God for this particular class. After discussion, after they understood that it was very difficult to come to this decision, one of my students said "I don't think we should leave here without praying corporately for this situation and for Mrs. Ciske." So we did. It was kind, moving and refreshing. One student came to me and said that during prayer the Lord spoke to her to give me these verses: Proverbs 3:5 & 6. Unknown to her, they are my favorite verses because they are the verses my Grandmother gave to me before I left for California...my first move as a Navy wife. I am in awe of these incredible quasi-adults whom I truly love and cherish as if they were my own off-spring. I have prayed for them, over them and with them. Then there they were, praying for me. Sweet.

I have spent a lot of time talking about my "announcement" to my worship team kids...now at least a sentence or two about today. My Journalism classes. Yeah...I was right...not much really there. I had asked them to please not write or do homework while I was sharing information with them (like they usually do), and most of them (well ALL of them in 2nd and 4th hour, not as many kids in those two classes) did as I asked. Still, I had a girl working on math and using her calculator, hiding behind the girl in front of her (they ALWAYS think you can't see them!) and a couple of the guys propping their heads up with their hands with that mouth-hanging-open-dull-glaze on their faces. If they cared, they didn't show it, if it mattered, they didn't show that either. It was a rather defeating morning. I will still miss the majority of them. A few of my sophomore girls fo' sho'.

Anyway, that's "how it went", good, bad or indifferent, I am outta there June 1. ...good afternoon, good evening and good night!

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow...

Okay...nothing incredible or amazing happening, I just felt like writing. I'm not even sure what to write about. Just...write...I guess. It's been a few days!!

An update on the whole "I-am-not-worthy-to-facilitate-a-Bible-Study" post: things went really well!! Of course they did! I am notorious for blowing things WAY out of proportion when I am nervous. Ten women (besides me) showed up, and I have 3 more who are coming next month as well. So, with me, that's 14! Exciting...and it IS an incredible study. It should be a great year.

Tomorrow, I tell my Music Ministry kids I won't be back next year. It has been a difficult week...so many students coming and asking me questions about teams and leading for next year. Plus students wanting to know about Journalism. I won't be telling those classes until Friday. I'm not worried about it being emotional for them, but I am worried I will be emotional and disappointed that they won't be. Make sense?? I have spent my whole life desperately NEEDING people to like me, it's like I want them to be upset I am leaving but I know deep down inside they really won't care at all. We'll see.

"Happy Birthday, dear Noah, Happy Birthday to you."

Okay...no pics with this, sorry, I forgot my camera. And I am using some "real" names. For real.

Chief, BDILE, BSE, Z-Man, Flower and I went to a very special birthday party today. Noah turned one. A certain milestone for any child...that first year is so crammed with "stuff". But, this one was even more special. Noah's Daddy is with Jesus. Not that Noah has any clue that his precious father was in an accident and died while in a coma several days later, but he will wonder, someday, "whatever happened to my daddy?" Stephen Duecker was exactly 22 years, 2 months and 20 days old on the day that he died. On 2-20. Lots of 2's. Kind of weird. I am sure there's a significance in there somewhere, I just don't have the mind to figure it all out.

Still...it does make you wonder about life in and of itself. How precious it is. How long it ISN'T. How we take it for granted. How we glide through each and every day on a wing and a prayer and never for a moment wonder why. Why? No answer. Not one. Not even a HINT. A whisper. A glimpse. How so very sad it is that Sierra lost her love and Noah and Isaiah lost their daddy. How Noah never said "good-bye...see ya later, Pops." How Stephen missed this milestone in Noah's life. He never witnessed his first steps...he'll never hear him speak his first words. Noah will grow up, turn 5, 10, 15, graduate, go to college, get married and have children of his own (should the Lord tarry) and never have known his daddy. I just want to know how precious life is. Not just because my friends lost their precious son, but because I KNOW it is. In my heart...deep down in places we don't talk about much. In that place that makes you cry just to MENTION anything that remotely resembles the tiniest glimmer of your bare soul. When you think of how much you love your child. Your Mom or Dad. Your closest and dearest friend. Then they're gone. In a twinkling. In less than a blink. You think you have all this time. You don't. You wonder... "should I call" or "should I send this card"? You should. Most definately.

So...after a few hours of watching everyone play cool yard games and 3-year-old Isaiah take 2-year-old Z-man for a spin in his cool toy jeep around the grass (and hit a bush), singing to the birthday boy and eating cake, we went home. In the car, we talked about how good Dave and Cindy looked, how proud we were that Sierra had a good job, how she seemed together, and talked with our own little girl...Chicken, but not a word about Stephen. How much we missed him, (even though we hadn't seen him in "ages" before the hospital) or how he would have loved the party. Even that if Stephan were still alive, we probably wouldn't have even BEEN at the party. Bizarre, the stream of events that bring us full circle.

Happy birthday, Noah. And here's to many, many more.

"Veeger requires the information..."

OH MY WORD!!!! This computer is WAY not worth initials...it needs the WHOLE PHRASE!!!! I wrote this entire LONG GREAT post and then it refused to display the page when I clicked it. AAAHHH...time for an upgrade...it's slow and annoying...I have Roadrunner for crying out loud...I should be able to sign onto my precious blog without having to comment on SOMEONE ELSE'S site...so please pardon the random comments you may receive...I just have so much in me to share!! Too many pictures, I suppose, time to break out the CD's and start burnin'!

Anyway...onto the real reason for the blog. It's 41 degrees outside! A virtual heatwave has descended upon us! And it's the LAST DAY OF SPRING BREAK! Of COURSE it is! I don't count the weekends during a break, I already get those off, so the weekdays are rare and precious between the months of September and May. So...God played a trick on us. He thinks He's so funny. Actually...He's the ONLY one who thinks He's funny (a line usually reserved for Chief). Now, now...my thinking is not blasphemy...I believe I can talk with God as I would with my closest friend. When I get frustrated, I say it. Period. It has brought us so much closer together! As long as I am willing to accept His honesty as well.

Again...I am really depressed (tongue-in-cheek) that it is the last day of vaca and I have to go back to those same four walls and those same apathetic students on Monday. And I am sure a few of them will be SO disappointed they are receiving a ZERO on their pages. Actually, they probably won't care at all...hence the apathy. In another week, I will tell them all that I will not be back to "advise" them next year...silent shouts of joy from most of them, I am sure, but, still, maybe a few tears from the closer ones who have put in a lot of time training ME! But that will be another post at another time. "Another time and another place..." Sorry...just reminicising for a moment.

So...tomorrow...in less than 24 hours... I will perform my first duty as a Pastor's wife. Ladies Bible Study. What was I thinking??? I am NOT A TEACHER!! Okay...I am NOT A FACILITATOR!! It is absolutely too late to turn back now. I have chosen and purchased the material, I have chosen the day, I have chosen the time, I put it in the bulletin, I sent out the reminder cards I so lovingly created on my slow, but needed computer. I guess the key phrase here would be: "I have chosen", wouldn't it? Okay...it's only one Saturday a month and it will be aptly and confidently taught by Beth Moore (one of the most annointed Bible Study teachers I have ever had the pleasure of learning through) and I can SO make cookies and a pot of coffee and put fruit in a bowl and set up tables and chairs and work a TV and DVD player. It's BEFORE the DVD. The "welcome to First Assembly of God and our first meeting on the study of Daniel..." and the words that follow that has me rattled.

Still...I am sure I will make many more mistakes than the ones I MAY make tomorrow morning, and Chief will still be the Senior Pastor, and they will still love him even though his wife can not say outloud a string of carefully chosen words without tripping on them. Too bad I can't just write them out for them to READ...now that would be easy! What's the phrase? Better to appear a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Something like that.

SO...tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...a better day! And I am on my way to Hobby Lobby! WOOHOO!

AAAHHHH...

It's Spring Break. Wonderful, glorious, please-can-I-sleep-until-7:30 am Spring Break. It all actually started on Good Friday...except I was up at 5:45 am and too restless to sleep, I got up and went downstairs to go out to my car to get my camera so I could upload a picture of our church and place it on our new welcome brochures to give out at Saturday's Easter Egg Hunt. So...I fell down three stairs, out of the house and into the garage on my back. Yeah...ouch. Way ouch. I have joined the ranks of Chief who fell off a ladder in FRONT of the garage a few weeks ago and is STILL struggling with that wrist. I actually cried. Like really cried. I finally pulled my bruised and embarrassed self together, went up to the computer and worked on the brochure for about three hours. It looked GOOD!

Then...off to school to finish that yearbook so we wouldn't "incur any additional charges" by missing my Monday deadline. That took me three hours. Then out to lunch with the Chief, home to sleep while watching the Masters Tournament (YES, I actually WATCHED parts of it) and then to church to stuff plastic eggs with candy, and home to sleep and complain about my bruised body. Chief is a very patient man.

Now, it is Monday, the actual BEGINNING of MY Spring Break. I slept until 7, and forced myself to lie there until 7:30. I did laundry, worked on some computer stuff for school, had a Starbucks Mocha Latte (thanks Chicken), did the dishes and watched Andy Griffith. My shoulder still hurts like H-E-double toothpicks, and I have this HUGE bruise on my arm and my hip, but you know what??? Life is good.

"Cry, Cry, Weep, Wail and Moan!"

So...maybe every other post title should be a line from a movie. Anyone know which one this is from??

Anyway...it is an appropriate title, I am feeling crummy. Stressed, depressed, warmly dressed and awkwardly pressed. It's cold. And incredibly windy. Thundering. No, wait, oh...yup. Thundering. With snow in the forecast. A white Easter with an outdoor egg hunt in the making. WOOHOO. It's "that time" and it's hurting because it was WAY late...like "oh-my-goodness,-I-think-I-could-be-pregnant" late, so it's really hurting. And I am sitting in school knowing I have this enormous deadline tomorrow and I CAN'T GET INTO THE STUPID WEB SITE TO COMPLETE MY PAGES! And, of course, my students haven't completed their assignments so that means I get to complete them because this is the school yearbook, their year chronicled for eternity, and the school would frown on paying for blank pages. So someone has to complete them. Guess that would be me. And a big, fat ZERO for them!

Definately an appropriate title. This is the point where I turn it all around and count my blessings and write about sugar and flowers and cinnamon and whatever other words would fit into this slot depicting happiness and harmony. But, you know what? Not today. because sometimes this IS the happiness and harmony. Life isn't all flowers and sugar (now, chocolate...that's a whole other post in and of itself!). I can accept that. I do accept that. In fact, if I didn't have days like this one, I wouldn't appreciate the great ones as much as I do. I know my blessings, I don't need to be reminded of them, they are blatantly in my path, and I am painfully aware that my complaining spirit diminishes the light of them. I am still hurting, although not as depressed, still warmly dressed though not as pressed as when I first got here. And I just found out that our rep for our yearbook company was fired.

The day is beginning to look brighter!