I'm sorry you had to find out this way

Well, it's been a good run here at my school...but it's over. Yup, you read that right. Me...Mrs. C, gone, kaput, Sayonora, out for the count... okay...let's just say retired. It's better than fired...even though that's kind of what it was. Mr. T brings me into his office and says, "you know, this is really hard for me. We're friends. And we love you here. And there is just no easy way to say this. We will not be offering the Journalism class next year. At least not in it's present format. You sent an e-mail to Mrs. Admin, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

I am cool. Calm. Collected. No...REALLY, I am almost leaping inside that this decision of to return or not to return is being made for me. I have been struggling with returning to school since my surgery last May, and now I know the answer. I get to stay home. I won't need to wake up at 6 am anymore unless I WANT to. At the beginning of this school year, I sat in his office pouring my heart out to him that I feel I have just lost the passion for Journalism...not that there was really a PASSION, but my creativity in this area was waning. I just couldn't come up with another new curriculum. I have had 7 different curriculum and 8 was just not coming to me. I was struggling big time!

And let me tell you this, the arrogant, mindless drivel that spills out of the mouths of some of my students is exacerbating the desire to leave this once beloved place. I just want to shake them. Or slap them. (Maybe on the last day of school.) They think they are smarter than any teacher they encounter, and that is very troubling to me. What happens when they get to college and work with Phd's and Professors??? Knock 'em down a few pegs...ya think??? Not that I won't miss the ones who really want to learn and write and express themselves; I certainly will. Although as I was told (with that half-smile, half-chuckle that tells you "take this as a joke, but I'm really not kidding") after our first paper came out in October: "This school does not have freedom of the press. This school does not have freedom of speech." No, duh. You know, the old commercial: "Never had it, never will?" Antiquated, archaic minds. Difficult. And glad to be leaving that stressful thinking!

Now, worship...that's an entirely different story. When I decide to let all my students know that I will not be back next year, I will tell them first. Because they deserve it, and I will miss them the most.

I wonder if they will miss me?